Do I really want another baby?!

[WillThereBe3]

Hello all!

Sorry for the odd thread title, I was not sure how else to word it!

A little background for you, I am 35 and will be 36 in a few months. We have an older daughter who is 18 and a younger son who is 12. I have been on and off broody for a couple of years now. But right now its an urge I cannot describe. Hubby is on board, whereas before he use to say just a flat out no that he did not want another. I suffered PND after our son and I think he still has memories of that! But now he says yes and still I keep bugging him and saying things like;

"but do you really....but why do you?....are you just saying yes to keep me happy?" etc...

He keeps telling me that if he did not want a 3rd he would soon say...but I still can't forget how he has said in the past how he likes getting some of his freedom back now... But I am going to trust when he say yes he means yes, I should know that about him now. He is a BRILLIANT hands on dad. I really have been blessed with my husband and I guess the reason I need him to be sure is because I don't want him to be any less hands on with a 3rd if that makes sense?

But there is another issue...

Me!

I want another baby so bad. I know haw fast every precious day goes when they are little. I want to enjoy every single moment and not wish them on to the next milestone so quickly or so things will fit round work better...I want to love on our new baby so much. I want to watch them grow and try to be a better parent based on the life experience I now have as well as the patience I have more of. I feel at the age I am now I kinda have a grip of what is important and not to sweat the little things as much as I did when I was a younger mum. We are financially stable now as well. I want to throw out the baby books and the doom and gloom brigade can go jump! I just want to take each lovely day as it comes and enjoy every second without feeling the pressures of feeling like I am raising a baby via a checklist...

But...

The thought of nursery runs again makes me Thinking of chasing homework on a Sunday night again for the next 16 years makes me all eeek...! Thinking back to the paraphernalia you have to take when just nipping to the shop for a pint of milk fills me with dread! ( though this time I think I would be less up tight and a warm coat and hat would suffice..! No need for a weeks extra feed "just in case" etc lol )

So do I really want another? Am I being to selfish when I say the thought of standing at the school gate again makes my heart sink? Does anyone else ever have these conflicting emotions? Its really hard to word what I mean and I hope some of it at least made sense?

Thank you for any thoughts and input you may have

 

[Deethehippy]

Hi
I know exactly what you are saying, i have two children from a previous relationship, a son who is 10 and a daugher aged 8 and me and my current partner have recently decided to try for one of our 'own' together. I bugged him about it for a while because i have been broody for months and now he says he wants to 100% but we have been TTC for 5 months with no results :/

Now today we just went to an animal rehoming shelter and reserved a pup!
Must be my broody instincts wanting to care for a youngster! Now i am thinking if i do get pregnant in the next few months how will i cope! and have i made the right decision with a new pup or have i made the right decision with wanting a baby at our ages anyway (i am 36 and bf is 45) I am a little questioning myself.

I think though that maybe there is never an 'ideal time' whether we are young or old or whatever and whatver comes our way i'm sure we would deal with and i know i would love a baby to bits and i'm sure you would too.
Anyway we would get 9 months to get our heads around the idea and all the stages would be much easier i'm sure having already dealt with them. I also think you quickly adapt to new changes and then cant remember how it was before!

Best wishes and good luck
Dee

 

[mumoffive]

Well, i know how you feel!!
I had my children quite young and got broody at 38!!!! Its all i could think about. At the same time, i was like you, thinking about things i would need to do for the next 16yrs or so..having been there already! Tbh, when my baby girl came along..i cant tell you how happy i was. I treasure every moment and would say that i love it all over again. I do sometimes think about the school run and homework etc but i just take it a day at a time and its never really the same. It certainly does not feel the same. I work part time for a start. I went on to then have my ds who is now 2 and am expecting this baby now ...my last in May. I am looking forward to this baby now. At first i had anxious feelings about how i would cope and do i really want to do it again but then i went for my scan on Friday and was thrilled and amazed to see this little person in the scan pictures. Oh and i have not long turned 43 so judging by what i read, is a bit of a miracle in itself! x

 

[WillThereBe3]

Thank you so much for your replies. I am so pleased to read that my worries are normal. I feel so selfish to have such worries when I am so lucky to have 2 kids already.

I cannot imagine not having a 3rd here. I picture a 3rd child everywhere if that makes sense. The other stuff I will just have to deal with and take my own advice of not rushing things past as the time when they are little goes so quick as I well know.

I hope nature has not decided for me....back in the race thanks to AF arriving yesterday. Hubbys job makes things a LOT harder but if its meant to be it will be and all that I guess!

Lots of very best wishes and positive results for everyone else who happens to read across my ramble x

 

[WillThereBe3]

Well, i know how you feel!!
I had my children quite young and got broody at 38!!!! Its all i could think about. At the same time, i was like you, thinking about things i would need to do for the next 16yrs or so..having been there already! Tbh, when my baby girl came along..i cant tell you how happy i was. I treasure every moment and would say that i love it all over again. I do sometimes think about the school run and homework etc but i just take it a day at a time and its never really the same. It certainly does not feel the same. I work part time for a start. I went on to then have my ds who is now 2 and am expecting this baby now ...my last in May. I am looking forward to this baby now. At first i had anxious feelings about how i would cope and do i really want to do it again but then i went for my scan on Friday and was thrilled and amazed to see this little person in the scan pictures. Oh and i have not long turned 43 so judging by what i read, is a bit of a miracle in itself! x

I think you are my new hero!

Your family sounds just lovely and how wonderful to be expecting another miracle! Fantastic!

 

[future_numan]

I was very young when I married and had my daughters. I always said that I was done having children. Well just as life goes, I finished college, started my career, divorced and raised the girls on my own. I had no interest in dating or getting married again but that all changed about six years ago. I met a wonderful man who stole my heart and the hearts of my daughters. We married New Years eve 2006. He had no children of his own and knew I couldn't have anymore ( I had a TL in 1993 ) and he was fine with that. Not long after we married I started to feel broody. I couldn't understand why after all these years I would even pass the thought of having more children. DH and I talked it over and over. I did some research on TR and soon became obbsessed with having another baby. We also included my children in our thoughts and plans as they would also be affected by having another family member. I had a TR in May 08. We TTC for about 8 months. When nothing was happening we consulted a fertility DR and discovered that I only had one tube and DH had a low end of normal count. So we decided to use IUI to conceive.We got pregnant with Emily in June 09. I had been hopeful and excited about getting pregnant again but after it happened I was scared as heck. All I could thing at first was ...gosh, what have I gotten myself into..soon the excitment came back. I also suffered from SPD from the fourth month on which was something I never had before. But the moment I delivered her it was all forgotten. I have to say that parenting now is allot different than it was when I was younger. I am allot more laid back and I don't worry as I did the first time round. DH is over the moon with our daughter. The "girls" just love her . This has been so great and couldn't think of my life without Emily in it. We now would love to add just one more so Emily would have a sibling to grow up with ( her older sisters are 21, 19, 18 ) Because of my advanced age we started TTC again when Emily was 8 months old. I am aware that the SPD will return again but to us it is worth the pain in order to finish our family.

 

[kriola]

Oh wow! I just started a new thread asking almost the same question! Except I feel like since I haven't been able to get PG since my MC that I am a complete failure. I know I am should be grateful that I have 2 already while some women don't have even one. But I do want to have child with my new husband.
I do sometimes think about the fact that "I'm almost done" with my two and having to start all over again, but this time I will have a supportive husband to help. ( I raised my two alone.) I don't think you're being selfish. I think it's completely natural to have these conflicting emotions. I sometimes feel selfish being on this site about TTC with women who haven't even been able to have any children and here I am complaining about trying to have a third!

 

[FBbaby]

kriola, I read your post and your words totally reflected my thoughts. I am in a similar situation, two children from a previous relationship who made my life complete, then met the love of my life 2 years ago. I would love to have a child with him and to give him the chance to become a dad (he doesn't have any children). We started ttc right away, fell pregnant first month ttc, miscarried a few weeks later and since then, NOTHING. It's been 19 months now and we don't really have an answer. His SA was a bit on the low side, but still within the guidance and I'm getting old at just 40, but I do ovulate every single month and nothing was identified as a problem.

I have been through every emotions since then, but gradually, I am starting to really question whether I really want another child. In a magical world, what I would have liked is for my two perfect children to be his. The prospect of another baby does frighten me somehow. My two had really bad colic and the first months were hell. Then there was managing a full-time job with bringing them up, and the constant exhaustion and no life for myself. I adored my babies and loved every minute of it (well most) but if I allow myself to think back, I did crave finding the independence I now have with them being a bit older (11 and 8 soon). There is also the financial aspect. My partner and I are finally at the point that we can have some valuable disposable income that should allow us to travel and do enjoyable things. With a baby, we will have to pay nursery fees (I will have to continue to work to support my two eldest), we wouldn't be entitled to any help, so here goes £500 a month at least less in our pocket. I don't even get broody when I see women with babies or toddlers, all what comes in my mind is feeling sorry that they look so tired or dishevelled running after their toddler! Added to that the fact that my partner is fine with the situation. He does worry about being too old (43) and losing his sleep, but there is still a part of him that would love it, so he is happy to 'leave it to nature and see what happen'.

Despite all that, i really struggle to let go ttc. It's as if there is a part of me that tells me that I have to have a baby with him, that we will look back and thank god that we did, like you future numan. I feel like a force is pinning me down telling me not to stop....

Still as the months go by with nothing, the days feeling broody are becoming less and the days accepting that we won't share a child together are more. I am starting to accept that I can't fight nature and getting prepared to leave fate in her hands and of course, I do remind myself all the time how lucky I am to have my wonderful children.

 

[kriola]

FBbaby, I am so glad I'm not alone in feeling this way. Sometimes I literally feel like I've gone completely mad. My husband has been wonderful but still...

 

[faye38]

Hello all!

Sorry for the odd thread title, I was not sure how else to word it!

A little background for you, I am 35 and will be 36 in a few months. We have an older daughter who is 18 and a younger son who is 12. I have been on and off broody for a couple of years now. But right now its an urge I cannot describe. Hubby is on board, whereas before he use to say just a flat out no that he did not want another. I suffered PND after our son and I think he still has memories of that! But now he says yes and still I keep bugging him and saying things like;

"but do you really....but why do you?....are you just saying yes to keep me happy?" etc...

He keeps telling me that if he did not want a 3rd he would soon say...but I still can't forget how he has said in the past how he likes getting some of his freedom back now... But I am going to trust when he say yes he means yes, I should know that about him now. He is a BRILLIANT hands on dad. I really have been blessed with my husband and I guess the reason I need him to be sure is because I don't want him to be any less hands on with a 3rd if that makes sense?

But there is another issue...

Me!

I want another baby so bad. I know haw fast every precious day goes when they are little. I want to enjoy every single moment and not wish them on to the next milestone so quickly or so things will fit round work better...I want to love on our new baby so much. I want to watch them grow and try to be a better parent based on the life experience I now have as well as the patience I have more of. I feel at the age I am now I kinda have a grip of what is important and not to sweat the little things as much as I did when I was a younger mum. We are financially stable now as well. I want to throw out the baby books and the doom and gloom brigade can go jump! I just want to take each lovely day as it comes and enjoy every second without feeling the pressures of feeling like I am raising a baby via a checklist...

But...

The thought of nursery runs again makes me Thinking of chasing homework on a Sunday night again for the next 16 years makes me all eeek...! Thinking back to the paraphernalia you have to take when just nipping to the shop for a pint of milk fills me with dread! ( though this time I think I would be less up tight and a warm coat and hat would suffice..! No need for a weeks extra feed "just in case" etc lol )

So do I really want another? Am I being to selfish when I say the thought of standing at the school gate again makes my heart sink? Does anyone else ever have these conflicting emotions? Its really hard to word what I mean and I hope some of it at least made sense?

Thank you for any thoughts and input you may have

hi ya i totally no where your coming from my sons are 18 21 but i cant help feeling broody i allso think do i want to go through it all again and every time it comes out to a yes so you should just go with your instinct good luck xx

 

[Sweetpea3]

WOW
These posts sum up exactly what I feel, I have 3 children from a previous relationship aged 21 18 and almost 17. I have been with my partner for 12 years (he has no children) and would love to have a baby with him as I think he would make a wonderful dad. I have been very broody but also have had a lot of doubts when I think of things like homework, school runs etc.
My partner feels the same, we keep saying we must be mad! as we should be enjoying our freedom now but we still can't stop tallking about having our own baby.

 

[wannabubba#4]

hi ladies, i read this and lol haha...
cos i went through similar feelings last summer ('09) and here i am happy as larry, proud as punch, sitting typing one handed as I cradle my sleeping 5 month old gorgeous baby boy.
I decided during all of the similar doubts that I would NEVER regret having another baby once he/she arrived , but would probably always regret NOT having another, once it was too late .

And it is so true - he has made my world more complete xx

my other kids are 16,13 and 8

good luck ladies xxx

 

[babymojo2]

I have a daughter who is going to be 18 a son who is 16 (who has autism ) and an almost 1 year old and ttc another )) It's crazy but it is so much easier the second time around your more relaxed (maybe lol) and I seem to stop and enjoy it more some days I wonder if I'm crazy for doing this my daughter is going to college next year but for the most part I couldn't be happier having my daughter was one of the most amazing things i've done good luck to you!!!

 

[CrazyforYou]

Hi everyone,

Been browsing this forum for a couple of weeks but this thread gave me the urge to post.

I married young and had 3 children, now teenagers. Been a lone parent for eight years but been with my partner for 3. We don't live together. I long ago reached the decision i didn't want more children and life was now goin to be for me. I am in my second year at college (I'm 38 btw) and have applied to University this summer. I now find myself incredibly broody and wanting to have one more child. My partner has no children and has said he doesn't want any. I have spoken to him about how i am feeling and hoping he may change his mind. He would be an excellent parent.

I am now feeling very confused and mixed up about why this is happening to me and why out of the blue these emotions are now dominating my everyday thoughts, which takes me back to the title of this thread;

How do you know when you're done having children?
Why is this happening to me now?
And if anyone has experienced this or can help in anyway i would be very grateful.

Sorry i haven't done an Intro yet, but this thread just caught me and i could really do with some advice

 

[mumoffive]

Hi everyone,

Been browsing this forum for a couple of weeks but this thread gave me the urge to post.

I married young and had 3 children, now teenagers. Been a lone parent for eight years but been with my partner for 3. We don't live together. I long ago reached the decision i didn't want more children and life was now goin to be for me. I am in my second year at college (I'm 38 btw) and have applied to University this summer. I now find myself incredibly broody and wanting to have one more child. My partner has no children and has said he doesn't want any. I have spoken to him about how i am feeling and hoping he may change his mind. He would be an excellent parent.

I am now feeling very confused and mixed up about why this is happening to me and why out of the blue these emotions are now dominating my everyday thoughts, which takes me back to the title of this thread;

How do you know when you're done having children?
Why is this happening to me now?
And if anyone has experienced this or can help in anyway i would be very grateful.

Sorry i haven't done an Intro yet, but this thread just caught me and i could really do with some advice

I was exactly the same age. Felt so broody at 38. Had my 3 sons when i was 19 and they were all late teen or just twenty. I have no idea where it came from, but like you, just couldnt get it out of my head. Maybe it was the thought of it being my last chance, maybe i just felt the urge to be needed and nurture again. So strange. Anyhow, i had my dd when i was 39 and went on to have another son at 40 [ think i posted all this at the beginning of this thread] and now at 43 am having my last in May. I dont regret it at all. Just love watching my little girl and boy grow up. Its so much easier this time round and i do find myself looking at them and thinking about how i missed all this the first time round. I was either to stressed or would have been rather going out with my friends. Sad but true. I am still with the same partner too, so it wasnt anything to do with the fact that a new partner may want a baby. I have to say, go for it if its what you want. My life is just so much better since having them. I never think about freedom or anything like that, because they both bring me so much joy. Its just the best thing ever.
Oh and to answer your questions, i dont think you can ever say, thats it, i dont want anymore unless the choice has been taken out of your hands. For me, im not having anymore after this baby purely because of my age and cost and the health of myself.
As for useful advice, well, i would talk it out and say how you feel and say youre serious. You will need to weigh up what you want, uni, or a baby for now. You could have a baby then go to uni the year after or apply right now, if you fall pregnant then just take it from there. I think you need to really thrash it out with your partner or resenment may follow. The maternal urge is surprisingly strong to ignore.

 

[CrazyforYou]

Hi everyone,

Been browsing this forum for a couple of weeks but this thread gave me the urge to post.

I married young and had 3 children, now teenagers. Been a lone parent for eight years but been with my partner for 3. We don't live together. I long ago reached the decision i didn't want more children and life was now goin to be for me. I am in my second year at college (I'm 38 btw) and have applied to University this summer. I now find myself incredibly broody and wanting to have one more child. My partner has no children and has said he doesn't want any. I have spoken to him about how i am feeling and hoping he may change his mind. He would be an excellent parent.

I am now feeling very confused and mixed up about why this is happening to me and why out of the blue these emotions are now dominating my everyday thoughts, which takes me back to the title of this thread;

How do you know when you're done having children?
Why is this happening to me now?
And if anyone has experienced this or can help in anyway i would be very grateful.

Sorry i haven't done an Intro yet, but this thread just caught me and i could really do with some advice

I was exactly the same age. Felt so broody at 38. Had my 3 sons when i was 19 and they were all late teen or just twenty. I have no idea where it came from, but like you, just couldnt get it out of my head. Maybe it was the thought of it being my last chance, maybe i just felt the urge to be needed and nurture again. So strange. Anyhow, i had my dd when i was 39 and went on to have another son at 40 [ think i posted all this at the beginning of this thread] and now at 43 am having my last in May. I dont regret it at all. Just love watching my little girl and boy grow up. Its so much easier this time round and i do find myself looking at them and thinking about how i missed all this the first time round. I was either to stressed or would have been rather going out with my friends. Sad but true. I am still with the same partner too, so it wasnt anything to do with the fact that a new partner may want a baby. I have to say, go for it if its what you want. My life is just so much better since having them. I never think about freedom or anything like that, because they both bring me so much joy. Its just the best thing ever.
Oh and to answer your questions, i dont think you can ever say, thats it, i dont want anymore unless the choice has been taken out of your hands. For me, im not having anymore after this baby purely because of my age and cost and the health of myself.
As for useful advice, well, i would talk it out and say how you feel and say youre serious. You will need to weigh up what you want, uni, or a baby for now. You could have a baby then go to uni the year after or apply right now, if you fall pregnant then just take it from there. I think you need to really thrash it out with your partner or resenment may follow. The maternal urge is surprisingly strong to ignore.

Thank you for your reply, and congratulations on your expanding family
I think you're right, it is a combination of time running out, along with the need to nurture again. It has just taken me so much by surprise. Even just a year ago i was adamant there would never be anymore.

I am so glad it's worked out for you, as one of my main concerns is regret. Regret if i go ahead, and regret if i don't.

I guess i will have to take a day at the time at the moment and hope i can get my partner on board.

I am a great believer in fate though, and what's meant to be will be x

 

[Seity]

I'm barely surviving my first child and I'll be 38 this year. I can't imagine wanting to go through any of this again. Maybe its different since it's been so long and you've been there before
I'm am so done having children with just the one. 12 poopy diaper changes a day for the first 2 months. Now he's on solids so we're getting 4 poops a day. It's been nearly 11 months and he still wakes me nearly every 2 hours at night. I can only hope toddlerhood is better at least he'll be potty trained in a year or two.
Don't get me wrong, I love him. But I also know that I don't want another.
To each their own.

 

[MustangGTgirl]

I give props to all of you older mommies because I don't think I can do the whole little baby thing when I am getting close to 40. As it is right now, I will be 34 when my oldest is 18, 40 when my second is 18 and 43 when my new baby is 18 and if I have one more I will likely be around 45 when that one is 18. I can't imagine having to raise kids through my 50's and 60's but I do have a lot of respect for all of you who do because it is much more of a challenge than it is when you are young.

 

[tracy143]

LOL, this thread sums up my life, too. I had my babies young (18 and 21) and now they are 15 and 13. I am divorced from their father and have since remarried. I have been broody for 5 years (at least!) about having another baby. I am also undecided about having another one since I will be 35 in June. Right now, both of my boys would be 18 by the time I am 39!! Everytime my oldest gives me a hard time about school work or brings home that less than desirable report card, I cringe about having to do it all over again. But, reading this thread has reinforced my belief that I would have more patience now and enjoy more of the precious moments. My advice (which I will take myself) is to pray about it and go with your feelings.The maternal instinct is strong.

Thank you ladies

 

[mumoffive]

Well i have to say, that my life really is meaningless without bringing up my children. That is not to say that i have nothing else in life, i just feel purposeful. Having a 20 year old, 23 and 24 yr old when im 63 isnt really a bad thought. I expect to bring my children up the way i have more or less my others..to stand on their own two feet! what on earth else would you be doing that would be so worthwhile in life instead?/? Well thats the way i see it anyway.