Do/will you 'vet' who your children want to be friends with?

[Emz1982_in_uk]

Apprentice 'star' Katie Hopkins has written an article in the Daily Mail (fail) about how she subtly chooses who her children associate with. Amongst those who are not desirable as friends are children with pierced ears, children who turn up late to school and children called 'Charmaine'. Apparently she favours traditional names such as George and Victoria which I find amusing considering she named one of her daughters India (even though I like that name). And children with Greek names such as Helena clearly have intelligent parents she states, so they would be allowed!


Whilst I want nothing more than my children to be successful in whatever they choose to do and to a degree I may well dislike them associating with certain children as they get older (nobody wants their child being best friends with the class bully), I think this 'star' is possibly doing her children more damage than good. I see the intention is there but she's making huge assumptions and in my opinion being a snob.

So the question of the day is......would you do the same thing for the future of your children or is this lady being irrational?

Article here: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/...ds-I-deem-beneath-them.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

 

[Dragonfly]

No I want my kids friends to have a mix from all areas and classes. It depends on behavior not class. If said friend was a trouble maker I would think different regardless of class. I will not control my children like that I dont fancy the lash back that she will be from being so controlling.

 

[buttonnose82]

no, Children are often alot better at judging character than we as adult are. I want them to leant to accept all people regardless of background or anything else. I think if we all started 'vetting' who are children played with, we would end up raising a future generation of narrow minded individuals, which would actually be really sad Just because someone comes from a 'rough' part of town, doesn't automatically mean they won't go places or be a nice person, just like just because someone comes from a better part of town doesn't mean they will do well in life or even be a nice person

 

[smokey]

Goodness no, part of what makes us into who we are is bad choices growing up and that includedes who we choose as friends.
Some of the best friendships you will ever know are childhood friends and im sure not every parent agrees with who we pick as friends but to a degree you have to let them learn who they can and cant trust and what to look out for in someone that may stick out as a good or bad friend, if you protect them from learning these lessons they will never learn instincts and common sense and how to read people.
Yes as they get a bit older in there teens and I have a bad feeling about a friend or know they get into trouble such as stealing or drugs then I will say to my child that im not to happy about them hanging around or in a very extreme case tell them I dont want tjem hanging around together but you cant stop who they see at school or while out and hopfully by that time they will have been raised with the common sense to know for themselfs who and who not to hang around with.
To judge my childs choice im friends just because of peircef ears or a name is stupid and issolating my child from a potential life long bond and friendship or at the least a fun childhood.

 

[lindseymw]

In a way yes I would.

BUT it would be on the child's behaviour not class. I've known children from Upper Class families to be little shits, same from 'Lower' Class & all inbetween. None of which I would my child to be associated with.

 

[Emz1982_in_uk]

I definitely view her opinions as a 'class' issue. She is happy for her children to attend state school but not happy for them to mix with the majority of kids in that school. It boggles my mind. She is extremely judgemental and narrow minded and by the sounds of it her poor children are heading in that direction too.

You're right Buttonnose, people from the poorest places can achieve as much as somebody from a more priviledged background. I was born and grew up on two of the worst council estates in my town. Surrounded by drug and alcohol abusers, burnt out cars, seeing arguments and fights spilling onto the street. She'd have a nervous breakdown if she ever had to set foot where I lived. I also had my ears pierced aged six!! And here I am in my own house in one of the nicest parts of town, a lovely family and educated with a second class degree and a very good job. Yet in her opinion I would have been 'beneath' her.

And I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to mix with people from all walks of life.

 

[Emz1982_in_uk]

In a way yes I would.

BUT it would be on the child's behaviour not class. I've known children from Upper Class families to be little shits, same from 'Lower' Class & all inbetween. None of which I would my child to be associated with.

I agree I would not like my children hanging about with bullies etc but not all 'naughty' kids are horrible and there may be underlying issues making them behave that way.

Her reasons are not on behaviour though. Her reasons to me seem ridiculous!

 

[Piper84]

I feel sorry for her kids. What if one day their vetted best friends Tarquin and Clarissa completely screw them over and they wish they'd gone with their instincts (and not their mother's prejudices)?

 

[LisaL79]

If DH' s parents did that, he never would've become best friends with a guy in school. This guy had long hair, looked like he was nothing but a heavy metal stoner.
Looks are deceiving though. This guy actually got my troubled DH (who looked like any other normal smart kid) on the right path and helped him tremendously growing up. And he (the bf) is now VERY successful in the military with 3 brilliant kids and a beautiful wife.

Anyway, obviously we don't want our kids associating with terrible kids that bully or whatever, but you can't know who is who based on a name or appearance.

 

[robinator]

I disagree that children are better at judging character than adults are. My best friend growing up was very manipulative, used and abused me. As a kid, I didn't see it - I just wanted her to accept me! My parents could see right through her and looking back, they were right.

Overall, I'll let my kids pick their own friends; if one kid is a particularly bad seed though, I would try to steer my child in another direction. However, my folks tried to do that too but I was blinded by this other girl. I had serious issues later in life based off of this relationship and knowing what I do now, I will intervene as best I can when necessary. Ultimately, you can't control who your kids like, though.

 

[Natsku]

I wouldn't. If they do have a friend who is a bad influence then I will speak to them about my concerns but I won't tell them they can't be friends with that person (generally that backfires anyway, just makes them even more intent on being friends!) but will hope that they will be a good influence on that friend and help them become better.

 

[Lina]

Absolutely yes. Children need guidance and don't always know what is best for them. I won't ever discriminate on class or racial lines. However, if a child has a negative influence on their education or welfare, I won't hesitate in extinguishing that friendship.

 

[staralfur]

My kids will be allowed to associate with whoever they'd like unless they give me a reason to think it would threaten their overall well-being.

Growing up I had a lot of different types of friends. I had friends who were academics and friends who skipped 4th period to smoke weed across the street. My parents never controlled my association with the latter because they trusted me and I was honest with them about what my friends were doing.

I think you have to pick and choose your battles, and give your children autonomy. Saying "you can't be friends with so-and-so", without a legitimately good reason, is just being nitpicky and controlling IMO.

 

[Mummy Bean]

My children will be encouraged to hang round with a mix, mostly coz if a) my mother did this too me i would have no friends myself, b) i was taught to love all c) i would be a hypocrite...my mum always mentions to this day about the crazy bunch of friends that me and my sister have collected over the years...where our church going friends parents would do exactly as the celeb says and only allow there children to hang round with other 'well behaved christians' .

I understand we all want the best for our children, but some times the oddest friendship can be the most benefical. I want my children to learn about all walks of life.

 

[MommyJogger]

As someone who grew up with a frequently-intervening mother, I will most certainly intervene on behalf of my children if I think someone they're becoming friends with is a bad influence. Not based on class at all, but certainly based on behavior. Any noticeable change in behavior, academic performance, mood, or personality in a child is something the parents should take seriously. Hopefully, parents are involved enough in their kid's life to be able to recognize who/what's new that could be causing the sudden change. I saw a lot of otherwise nice kids get involved in the wrong crowd growing up and I would have followed right along without proper parental oversight. Thank you Mom!

 

[Emz1982_in_uk]

I definitely feel that children need guidance at times and I really really hope that my children work hard and achieve the best they can, and not be influenced by negative people around them.

 

[ChesMik4eva]

Definitely not for the reasons she stated, but if the child's family was racist, homophobic or something awful like that I would be wary about him being around them for sure. But a class issue is disgusting, my OH has a totally different background to me and grew up in a 'rough' neighborhood and went to a school with a bad rep and we are totally in love so imagine if I thought like that, I wouldn't even have my LO.

 

[BabyJayne]

Definitely disagree. Birds of a feather generally flock together - and as with everything in Madeline's life I would hope that the way I bring her up would allow her to make the best possible choices herself regarding friendship groups.

There may be times when some intervention is neccessary, but I think we are talking extreme circumstances and not in the way the article (which is just ridiculous) suggests. It's about the education of your own child to make the right choices. This woman can be no more certain than any of us that her child won't steal, break the law or turn to drugs etc. due to her choice of friends. I see it about equipping your child with the right information, morals and and sense to make the best choices they can, whether that be in their choice of friends or anything else.

 

[lhancock90]

Definitely disagree. Birds of a feather generally flock together - and as with everything in Madeline's life I would hope that the way I bring her up would allow her to make the best possible choices herself regarding friendship groups.

There may be times when some intervention is neccessary, but I think we are talking extreme circumstances and not in the way the article (which is just ridiculous) suggests. It's about the education of your own child to make the right choices. This woman can be no more certain than any of us that her child won't steal, break the law or turn to drugs etc. due to her choice of friends. I see it about equipping your child with the right information, morals and and sense to make the best choices they can, whether that be in their choice of friends or anything else.

 

[Jaylynne]

She's a judgmental idiot and I wouldn't want to associate with HER. He behavior and moral class is beneath me. Judging children by their names or whether or not their parents brought them to school onetime or whether they have pierced ears is ridiculous. How about looking at what a child is really like?! Just because a kid is named George and does his homework on time doesn't mean he couldn't be a bully. A girl with pierced ears and loves wearing bright pink leggings could be the greatest little sweetheart.

My children will pick their own friends. I hoped would have raised them properly enough to distinguish good friends from not so good choices. If they make an absolutely terrible decision, then I might have a chat. But I wouldn't want my kids making choices by who would look good on a resume purely by pedigree.