Do you ever have days where you just feel like it isn't going to happen?

[Bee Bee]

I don't know why but today I am just feeling like I'm never going to get pregnant. TTC has been such a long and hard journey for me and I'm just so used to seeing negatives that I feel like that's all I'm ever going to see.

I was told not to test until 14DPO this cycle due to me taking HCG but I did do a cheapie wondfo this morning (12DPO) and got a . I do realize they are not as sensitive as a FRER but I don't want to use those until my suggested testing date. But still, I was like "Of course it is! It always is!". I'm also on progesterone this cycle to try to help a pregnancy stick so while my chart looks really good, I would think it 100% has to do with the progesterone. AF would of been due today but the progesterone is keeping her at bay. If I get a on Monday then I have to stop taking it.

I was pregnant in December for the first time but it was ectopic. I have had several chemicals too so I also just sort of feel like any positives I do get will just end up being lost anyway. And I used to be able to imagine myself pregnant but now it's just hard to and doesn't seem realistic.

I don't like to be such a downer, I'm sorry. But some days these thoughts just creep up on me

 

[Carlinator]

Aw I'm sorry you've had such a hard journey this far. I'm sure most of us here know how you're feeling. Try not to get too discouraged yet, I've been applying to nanny jobs and so many new moms are in their 40s and even 50s with beautiful perfect babes! I know it feels like such a long shot when you've had so much disappointment, but everyone is here to support you through this! Feel free to vent your frustrations as much as you want hugs and good luck

 

[bunyhuny]

Lots and lots and lots of hugs to you, Bee Bee. You have nothing to apologize for at all. LTTTC totally sucks. Worst thing in all of ever. You vent and cry and yell all you need to. It's the only way to make it through the awful days.

It's so hard to make it through the TWW without testing. I usually can make it until the morning before the blood test and I only test then so that I have some idea of what to expect them to say when they call. I used to start testing at 9dpo, but the BFN's (even in pregnancy cycles) put me into such a deep depression I learned I have to wait to test or risk losing my sanity. Even in my most healthy pregnancy, I've never managed to get an obvious BFP on an HPT until at least 16 "dpo".

I know the fear of another loss, I know the fear of another failure, and I am right there cheering you on, hun. You need someone to vent to, you message me any time.