Do you ever worried that you want a baby...

[Daisy Delayne]

just for biological reasons?? I want a baby soooo badly, but I've known women who listened to that voice screaming at them to have kids, then when they finally do they're like, "Holy crap, what was I thinking?" and it turns out they were just following their womanly instincts and don't really want the lifestyle that goes along with having children? Female instincts to have babies are really powerful, so how do you know you really want kids and won't regret it??

Because sometimes I think "I want to travel here, I want to do this, I want to experience this" before having children but then I think, "Nope, having a baby is the most important thing, everything else can wait" but is that my brain or my instinct to procreate?? Maybe I'll put all of the things I want to do on the backburner and then regret it later. HELP!! Anyone else ever worry about that?

 

[mandaa1220]

I do hun, trust me, your not alone.

There are times that the idea that I NEED to know that I actually CAN have children are very strong. There is always a fear of, what if I wait too long? The maternal instinct to want children is very strong, but then there are other times where I realize that I want to finish school and get a reliable job, I want to get married, and I definately want to travel lots before a baby. There are lots of things that I want to do before I have children, which is what makes you more sensible and realize you want to wait.

Its a matter of what instinct you follow I guess.. Don't know what else to say, just that you are not alone on that and trust me lots of the girls in here feel the exact same.

 

[fairygirl]

I remember a conversation I had 18 months ago where I said I just didn't have the urge to have a baby. This was after meeting OH who has been always been keen. I said I wanted to try in Dec to make the most of maternity leave, then said there was no way it could be that Dec (last yr) for financial reasons and we hadn't been together for that long. So I agreed to this December, it started to hit me straight after New Year that it was really gonna be happening, was broodyish by the summer and I had allowed myself to start researching - and joing bnb - in Aug when it was the summer hols. Sometimes I still question if I'm ready, I do feel more grown up, as that was the issue before I think, and more able to take care of someone else. But I work with children and at times I have been fed up at the sight of them, but most days I go to work to see them, not the stress of the job itself if that makes sense. When I have had a rough time OH always reassures me that our children will be brought up properly and be lovely!

With regards to travelling, alot of people do it now between college and uni, but there was no way I was mature enough to do that, have always said it's something I'll leave and do it in a glamourous way when I retire. Saying that OH and I would love to save and go to Vegas, maybe even marry there, but with our Grand Plan all thought out we can't do that financially and don't wanna go when we have children, so that is one dream that will have to stay just a dream.

I don't know if I've helped at all, but thought I'd share. I'm almost 28 if that makes a difference?

 

[plutosblue]

Oh my god I worry about that all the time.... well atleast I know I'm not alone. I have never been broody before now and I am awful with other peoples children I have no instincts at all! So I think ok all of a sudden I am dying to have children, is this just the normal instinct to procreate or do I really want children? Since earlier this year I was in the middle of self teaching myself Japanese and intended to travel to Japan next year to perhaps persue a career of something along a translator.. All of a sudden i'm not interested anymore I'm settled in my job and quite happy to have a baby...

I suppose I settled for going with my femanine instincts and intend to try April time, I have always wanted children in my younger years anyway and im settled emotionally and financially. I think I could deal with the small regret of not travelling now because I can travel anytime, whereas I don't think I could deal with the regret if I decided to have children in my older years because my younger years would be gone and passed, I just outweighed everything..

Hope that makes sense!

 

[Althara]

See, here's where I'm lucky. I'm very much a home-bird; I have no desire whatsoever to travel. There are things I want to do... see the Pyramids, visit the ancient temples in Greece/Italy, things like that. But most of those places are hot. I don't do well in heat, I can hardly cope with an English summer for crying out loud!

But I too only started getting broody really recently. I'm petrified of kids, as a rule. Sure, I can think they're cute or funny or whatever, but actually put me in charge of one and I panic. Hold someone else's baby?! NO WAY! What if I dropped it?!

Fortunately, I've got a good few years to think about it. I'd not make any decisions whilst you're doubting yourself, if I were you... Wait until you're sure

 

[allisonreally]

I get irritated by children.

Untill about 6 months ago I said I never wanted any. Over and over again I said it. I had no urge to have any children ever. And then I suddenly started to want one.

I don't want to travel. My only goal is to have a good business, which is something that will go hand in hand with having a kid, although it might be hard. My OH and I have had 5 wonderful years to enjoy each other's company, and a full year married.

But given all that, I still hated the idea until very recently.

So, yeah, I figure it's a biological imperative in my case. But A. it's too strong to fight off forever. B. they tell me it's much easier to like them when they're yours. And C. ... well, it's a biological imperative for a reason; It's what we were built to do.

Well, that's how I rationalize my growing insanity to myself, anyway



Edit: I've never changed a nappy. I never hold babies in case I break them! >.>

 

[Daisy Delayne]

Thanks for the replies, I'm glad I'm not alone in that. Everyone always seems so certain as to whether they want kids or not. BTW I know my thread title looks stupid because I worded it wrong but I don't know how to change it...oh well

 

[parkgirl]

One thing to keep in mind is that you CAN travel with children. My very good friends have six, yes six, and they are missionaries. They are able to expose their children to so many wonderful things. I'm sure it will get harder for them as the kids get older and want to settle down with friends and such, but for now, they are loving it.

 

[parkgirl]

I get irritated by children.

Untill about 6 months ago I said I never wanted any. Over and over again I said it. I had no urge to have any children ever. And then I suddenly started to want one.

I don't want to travel. My only goal is to have a good business, which is something that will go hand in hand with having a kid, although it might be hard. My OH and I have had 5 wonderful years to enjoy each other's company, and a full year married.

But given all that, I still hated the idea until very recently.

So, yeah, I figure it's a biological imperative in my case. But A. it's too strong to fight off forever. B. they tell me it's much easier to like them when they're yours. And C. ... well, it's a biological imperative for a reason; It's what we were built to do.

Well, that's how I rationalize my growing insanity to myself, anyway



Edit: I've never changed a nappy. I never hold babies in case I break them! >.>

Wow, it's like I wrote this. I feel and have felt the same way. When DH and I first got married I told him he might as well prepare himself for never having children. I didn't think there was any way that I would change my mind. My body, on the other hand, has it's own plans.

 

[thompsonic]

I love kids. I want to be a primary school teacher for flips sake... I could happily be around children forever. I was in the supermarket t'other day and there was a screaming baby and far from being irritated, I just had strong maternal urges to cuddle it. Yet I'm really scared when I have my own I won't be able to cope, because they will be MINE- I won't be babysitting, I can't give them back when I've had enough. I'm scared I won't get a bond with them, etc, etc. So whilst I really want kids, I am worried its just evolution trying to get me to have 'em and when they are here I'll be crap and hate it...

 

[allisonreally]

Wow, it's like I wrote this. I feel and have felt the same way. When DH and I first got married I told him he might as well prepare himself for never having children. I didn't think there was any way that I would change my mind. My body, on the other hand, has it's own plans.

Nice to know there's somone out there who's like me

 

[lozzy21]

I was told by some one that as long as your lifestyle is child friendly you are supposed to adapt youe child to your lifestyle not adapt your lifestyle to your child. Wether this is true or not im still to find out.

At the end of the day were just amimals and have the same urges that any other animal has.

 

[allisonreally]

I was told by some one that as long as your lifestyle is child friendly you are supposed to adapt youe child to your lifestyle not adapt your lifestyle to your child. Wether this is true or not im still to find out.

At the end of the day were just amimals and have the same urges that any other animal has.

That's a really interesting point. Adapt your child to your lifestyle. Certainly something to think about.

 

[amber1533]

I remember back in the day...like last year. I was no children for me. I didn't like kids, I used to work in a daycare, and I just knew kids weren't for me. Then I met my DH and everything started ticking, right after we got married I was like.
Ok i want kids
NOW!
But I knew we weren't ready right then, I just started school and he was getting out of the military. But things recently just fell together, school has been a breeze, and I know I can do both, my husband re-enlisted into the Army. And we are just ready.

But now I am going coo-coo over WTT. I can't imagine how I am going to be when TTC.

 

[Bmary83]

I think the fact the you worrying about if you gonna be a good mum just shows that you will be.

 

[silverbell]

I do agree that wanting a baby is a very powerful instinct for some women and I have no doubt that this instinct is part of my yearning for a baby.

However, I know I won't regret anything. It's been so hard waiting and waiting to TTC, but we have both had to do this because of my DH's debts and not being able to live on his wages, even for a short time. This has literally forced us to wait. During these past few years we have therefore visited all the places we ever wanted to visit and we've spent loads of time together and enjoyed going places as a couple. We have 3 more holidays/vacations booked between now and next March and the last one will very hopefully be our last as a couple for many, many years (and is to celebrate my 30th).

So although the waiting has been horrible, it has meant that we've been able to spend so much time together as a couple and do all the things we wanted to do and go to all the places we wanted to go. So it's worked out very well.

 

[TinyBoots]

I'm the same My family has a history of problems trying to conceive, my sister can't have any more kids after her two. My mum had miscarriage after miscarriage and had numerous abnormalities with her smear tests... My sister also has endometriosis (spelling?), and I have some of the symptoms she had/has.

Especially being 22, and not being allowed a smear test until 25, I fear the worst

I'm sure it wont turn out bad, but I can't help but worry...

 

[vermeil]

I think it's perfectly natural. For me it's a tad late to change my mind and I STILL think every day "what if when I see him/her I turn to the doctor and say 'nah, can you take it back?' "

I have 0 experience with babies and feel quite clueless. But I see this is a common occurrence - heck women have been doing it for millenia, we're not any dumber, we'll figure it out. Ok diaper goes on THIS end, food into THIS end. gotcha.

 

[saara24]

"However, I know I won't regret anything. It's been so hard waiting and waiting to TTC, but we have both had to do this because of my DH's debts and not being able to live on his wages, even for a short time. This has literally forced us to wait. During these past few years we have therefore visited all the places we ever wanted to visit and we've spent loads of time together and enjoyed going places as a couple"

Sorry... what? If you can't live on his wages, even for a short while, how can you visit all the places you want to go that you wanted to go?

I want to go to a hundred placed with my fiance but can't because we can't afford it.

 

[littlevixen]

I have a 2 yr old turning 3 this April and we travel a lot. We've taken her to lots of places/countries no problem since the age of 4 months old. My daughter is very outgoing, adventurous and very friendly though so she's always up for anything. Hubby and I are planning to have a 2nd baby soon eventhough we travel a lot. The only thing about having a baby when travelling is, I can still party while travelling without my baby by hiring a babysitter but me and hubby always feel sad leaving her while we party and just talk about her the whole night. It's so much more fun for us to travel and do a lot of family stuff and skip the partying.