Do you "forget" about children? *sensitive*

[Tiff]

This article came up in my FB feed this morning:

Toddler found dead inside sweltering car

It was shocking to me to read it, especially considering it happened maybe an hour and a bit from where I live. I read all the time about animals being left in cars in the dead of summer but you don't hear too many instances about a child being left.

Apparently a family member "forgot" the child in the car.

I can't wrap my mind around forgetting that there was a child with you. I remember the thread about the Mom who forgot about her kids in the shower/bath and they passed away, lots of examples were given of how she could have been overtired/passed out from exhaustion.

But a family member? I remember last year an infant was left in a car down in the States somewhere by a child day care.

Curious to see what other people think. I know you should "never say never" but I couldn't imagine forgetting Claire in a car or something. Thoughts?

 

[lindseymw]

I have read that story, absolutely devastating.

I will admit, one morning I dropped Joshua off at Nursery, got me and Jacob back in the car and set off. Went into autopilot and started to drive to work.....completely forgot to drop Jacob off at ILs. I realised about 3 miles outside of town that he was still in the car. Safe to say, I was late for work.

 

[special_kala]

I havnt forgotten but i can see how it can happen.

Usually its because of a change of routine, mum usually drops LO off at nursery but dad has to for some reason. I guess its not a case of forgetting them because as far as your brain is concerned your wife has dropped them at nursery and they are safe. The moment they realise must be horrific and living with it after torture.

A family member though i find harder to understand.

 

[Tiff]

That's where I find it different too... I get the "routines" and whatnot that as parents we get into, makes sense really. But a family member who was watching the child?

Then again, there isn't much more to the story. I don't know if this family member was regularly watching the child (therefore getting into their own routines?) or if it was a one of.

I don't know how I'd come to terms with that, if anything happened to Claire while a family member was watching her.

 

[Foogirl]

I go the other way, I panic on the days I'm not picking Abby up, convinced I've left her at a nursery.

I guess I can see how it can happen, even to a family member. It's incredibly sad however it happens.

 

[LoraLoo]

In not sure if this is the same story as the one I read was several years ago where the mum usually dropped the toddler at nursery before work. That morning she'd made a stop elsewhere. In her mind she had already made her usual one stop before work. It was only when nursery phoned to ask why little boy hadn't turned up that she realised and ran out to the car but it was too late. I just can't imagine that, the guilt. I know a couple of times when William was a baby I got the other kids in the car and realised William was still sat in his car seat in the living room.

 

[Tiff]

This literally just happened yesterday, and it was extended family watching the child.

 

[LoraLoo]

Ah different story then. How sad x

 

[Dragonfly]

The worst one I read was a woman who had fallen asleep and left her two kids in the shower, they both died and she slept for 9 hours. I didnt read the full story but that was the jist of it. I get momentary forgetting but some are extreme like an hour in a car or hours in a shower. I havnt forgot any of mine I watch them way too much as Alex is in toddler mode and runs off and once I let my friend watch him and he disappeared in a few minutes from her and there was major panic.

 

[Abigailly]

That's heart breaking. However, I can understand how easily it is done. My mum told me she was once talking to an elderly neighbor in their back garden and mum asked about the neighbor's grandson. She didn't even answer, she just bolted round the front.
Turns out, she'd left him in the car to pop in and get her purse before she returned to the shops. She'd been distracted by a phone call and forgotten what she's been doing and gone about her daily stuff. Thankfully, the wee boy, who was about 4, was completely oblivious and reading his magazine. But she'd left him in there half an hour or so and if mum hadn't asked she still wouldn't have remembered.

Personally, I don't want to place any blame. We all make mistakes, some just pay much higher consequences. The story is heart breaking though. I can't imagine what the family and that relative must be going through. Chances are, that person who forgot the little one, is grieving not only because of their mistake but because they're lost a loved one.

I once forgot Niamh at Sainsbury's. I left her in the trolley while I packed the shopping away, got into my car and reversed. Drove off then went to go around the corner to leave the car park and checked my blind spot and suddenly realised I'd left her sitting in the trolley. I can't begin to tell you what went through my mind on that 3 second drive back to my space. I was convinced she wouldn't be there.

 

[zanDark]

My baby isn't here yet, but this scares the crap out of me

I remember being out with SIL and her LO when her daughter was 4ish months old and a similar story came on the radio. We talked about it and she kept saying that she couldn't understand how a parent could do that, while I explained how people go on autopilot with routines etc.

On the way home we made a stop to pick MIL up from her brothers house and she asked us to park and go upstairs to say hello...so SIL parks the car, we get out, and she locks the car and starts walking towards the building entrance! Confused I called out to her "what about the baby?!" She had completely forgotten!

I swear I will always be haunted by the look on her face when she realized that she almost left the baby in the car in the heat! I could see the terrible thoughts going through her head! She kept saying how she always made a point to leave the kids with MIL while she ran out to the car to put the AC on before putting them in since cars here can easily reach 45c+ in the heat. I felt so terrible for her!

I can't judge people who have done something similar after seeing a woman who I KNOW is a great mother doing it! It's a tragedy that can happen to anyone.

 

[babyhopes2010]

Thats awful! regardless as to whether they were in the wrong-which obviously are-u dont leave a child even if u do 'forget' i think its horrendous tradgedy the parents and the family have to live with the consequence for the rest of their lives

 

[steph.]

It happens more often than people think, and I can completely understand how it can happen. Change of routine, brain on autopilot, parent gets distracted by something else, baby gets left in the car.

Not the same but today for example, I went to the supermarket, did my shopping, paid, left, got home and went to unpack the shopping when I realised I had left all my shopping at the checkout. My mind was completely somewhere else, lucky for me I didnt leave Sophia at the supermarket!

I dont understand though how that lady could have fallen asleep for 10h with her children in the shower. And why a 2 year old wouldnt have gotten out of the shower by himself. I only read one article on the story so maybe I am missing something, but my first thought was that she killed them and then blocked it out of her mind, so thought she fell asleep.

Either was both these stories are tragic. I feel so sorry for everyone involved.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I did it once. My boys are big now 22 19 and 13. But when my middle one was receiving Confirmation My Anthony was almost 8. At the time we had a huge truck 8 passenger. We parked go out and went to the church after 5 minutes my husband Nick said where is Anthony? I said he is sitting with your mother over there, he said NO he isn't OMG he ran back to the truck and Anthony was sound asleep in the 3rd seat lying down. I felt horrible , I felt like the worst mother of all time. It was only 5 to 10 minutes but it could have been worse and thank God it was in March so it wasn't hot. I will never forget that day and if anything would have happened I don't think I would be here today

 

[Kate&Lucas]

How tragic

I can understand how it can happen really, especially if you're already a pretty muddled person. I am TERRIBLE forgetful, of course it's different if it's an entire person you're responsible for but I can understand how it happens.
Different situation but after leaving FOB 4 weeks PP I developed severe PND and for a while I would forget I even had a child. I'd wake up sometime mid-morning, one of my sisters would have taken Lucas from his basket, fed, dressed and taken him out for the day, and it'd be afternoon before I realised he wasn't there and thought to ask someone where he was. Obviously, I wouldn't have taken him out on my own at this point, but I was lucky to have the support.

 

[Foogirl]

Wow Kate, what a wonderful family you have there. That's such a thoughtful thing for them to do.

Abby was 7 weeks old before we got her home. I did sometimes forget she was there.

I think it's too easy to judge folk for something which is human nature. I'm more inclined to think badly of people who purposefully leave their babies in the car, especially in really hot weather because it is the easier option than dragging a car seat round the shops.

 

[Tiff]

Maybe I'm different, but I can 100% as a parent understand how you get into routines. Granted I don't know the ins and outs with this little guy, it was her mother that was watching him while she ran an errand.

So maybe the mother watches him every day, maybe she doesn't. Hard to say!

But in the instance of that happening under a caregivers watch is what really rattled me. I always worry when I leave my kiddo, but at the same time anyone who watches her isn't sleep deprived, dealing with PND, etc which are things that I can understand parents who are in the thick of it can fall into.

Does that make sense?

 

[LoraLoo]

Maybe I'm different, but I can 100% as a parent understand how you get into routines. Granted I don't know the ins and outs with this little guy, it was her mother that was watching him while she ran an errand.

So maybe the mother watches him every day, maybe she doesn't. Hard to say!

But in the instance of that happening under a caregivers watch is what really rattled me. I always worry when I leave my kiddo, but at the same time anyone who watches her isn't sleep deprived, dealing with PND, etc which are things that I can understand parents who are in the thick of it can fall into.

Does that make sense?

it makes sense but I guess you never truly know what anyone is experiencing in their personal life iykwim?

 

[Tiff]

Maybe I'm different, but I can 100% as a parent understand how you get into routines. Granted I don't know the ins and outs with this little guy, it was her mother that was watching him while she ran an errand.

So maybe the mother watches him every day, maybe she doesn't. Hard to say!

But in the instance of that happening under a caregivers watch is what really rattled me. I always worry when I leave my kiddo, but at the same time anyone who watches her isn't sleep deprived, dealing with PND, etc which are things that I can understand parents who are in the thick of it can fall into.

Does that make sense?

it makes sense but I guess you never truly know what anyone is experiencing in their personal life iykwim?

100%!

But I'd also hope that anyone who was going to be watching my child would tell me if they weren't in a place to be able to do it. I'd much rather someone say 'this, that and the other thing happened and I'm just not up to it, I'm sorry" rather than feeling guilty and doing it regardless.

I guess that's because that's how I am. If I'm sick/tired/worn out/not okay and someone asks me to watch their kiddo I definitely tell them as much and I don't do it.

I'd feel awful if I wasn't "okay" enough to watch a kid, did so anyways and then have something like this (or similar where a kiddo is either critically injured or passes away) happen rather than being honest and saying "Nope, I'm so sorry but today I just can't do it".

 

[m_t_rose]

Maybe I'm different, but I can 100% as a parent understand how you get into routines. Granted I don't know the ins and outs with this little guy, it was her mother that was watching him while she ran an errand.

So maybe the mother watches him every day, maybe she doesn't. Hard to say!

But in the instance of that happening under a caregivers watch is what really rattled me. I always worry when I leave my kiddo, but at the same time anyone who watches her isn't sleep deprived, dealing with PND, etc which are things that I can understand parents who are in the thick of it can fall into.

Does that make sense?

it makes sense but I guess you never truly know what anyone is experiencing in their personal life iykwim?

100%!

But I'd also hope that anyone who was going to be watching my child would tell me if they weren't in a place to be able to do it. I'd much rather someone say 'this, that and the other thing happened and I'm just not up to it, I'm sorry" rather than feeling guilty and doing it regardless.

I guess that's because that's how I am. If I'm sick/tired/worn out/not okay and someone asks me to watch their kiddo I definitely tell them as much and I don't do it.

I'd feel awful if I wasn't "okay" enough to watch a kid, did so anyways and then have something like this (or similar where a kiddo is either critically injured or passes away) happen rather than being honest and saying "Nope, I'm so sorry but today I just can't do it".

Some people would find other daycare if their daycare provider had to take time of like that though. I remember wen I was a daycare provider calling parents to say thatI had been up all night with a sick child and I wouldn't be able to work that day and the parents would get so angry at me and shout and threaten to find someone else. One parent still sent their kids and just shoved them in the door and ran off to work. So I can see why a daycare provider would feel like they ha to work even if they weren't up to it