Do you worry about your families reaction?

[louisaL]

I am the youngest of two daughters and certainly get treated like it. Not in a nice way where they dote around me because I am 'the baby' of the family (thank god) but more in a way that they critise things i choose to do in life, or that things are for the worse more than the good, but if my sister did it then it would be a very good idea and the best news possible.

When i got engaged in 2005 i was nervous telling them (my mum, dad, sister and her husband) because i felt they would think it was too soon or that they didnt feel like my DH was husband material as they really hated my first bf. But suprisingly they were really happy but i still felt like i had to justify the fact that of course we would be waiting 2yrs or so to actually get married as we had no money.
Now we are ready to have a baby and i just feel now they will critise that we have no money and feel we're not ready to have full responsibility of another human being and wondering if we know whats involved to be parents (i'm 28 this yr and DH is 27). My sister has a niece and nephew and they are the best things since sliced bread which is what they should be but i want my children to be the same in my parent's eyes but because of the way they are with me what if their not?

I know looking after children isnt the same as having your own but its not as though i have never looked after children before i have a diploma in childcare and 10yrs worth of nannying, childminding and nursery nursing behind me. children are my life basically.

 

[Alchemist]

Hey you sound just like me (only i had it with my daaaahling MIL).

You are in your first year of marriage and the lesson that I learnt in it was that I was finally responsible for me and to some degree DH. I had to learn to make decisions based on whats good for US and that it didnt matter what ppl think or their opinions (especially the critism). We're in our 2nd year of marriage and i had been wanting a baby since the day we returned from honeymoon (it was like a switch turned on and no matter what, I could dim it, but not turn it off).

We're planning on TTC in may (holding thumbs and fingers and toes - can I borrow some?) and you know what, its not going to be perfect - our issue was my depression and our relationship ttok strain. We've accepted that and in time so will you and your DH.

Make sure you talk talk talk. Decided on how to budget and finance and work around it but dont stop TTC either becuase you never have enough money, enough stability etc etc. if you wait it could cause more stresses (with you) and then in turn with him - dont do what we did. set a plan and work it.

Happy BDing and baby dust to you

 

[louisaL]

thank you very much Alchemist! Your absolutely right I think its cause I have had issues with my family since even before I met my DH. His family have full respect for him as he is the eldest grandchild and his gramps died last year and apart from his 2 uncles there are no other men in the family so they go to him for a lot of things.

I know whatever happens this baby will have love there is no doubt in my mind its just I want the day when I announce it to be special and not to have people asking me critising questions.

ALL THE BEST FOR YOU I LOOK FORWARD TO WATCHING YOUR JOURNEY X

 

[polo_princess]

I think everyone worries to an extent how their families will react.

Main thing is that your in a stable relationship and the baby you will have in time will be wanted and loved. Who on earth would be disappointed at a situation like that?

You got a nice suprise when you told them you were getting married, so i should imagine you'll get anoter one when you tell them your TTC. Good luck with it hunni

 

[Chris77]

Yeah, I'm worried about my SIL reaction. She's a and has already made comments to me about how we shouldn't be trying anytime soon. My MIL feels we shouldn't try until we have our own house - but that is eons away and by the time we'll be able to afford a house, all my eggs will have disintegrated

Bottom line: Do what is right for you and DH. It isn't anyone's business and they can either choose to be happy about it or NOT. Either way don't let their reactions determine your mood during such a wonderful experience! (not that I would know but I'm assuming it's wonderful lol)

 

[louisaL]

thank you everyone!

My mil and the rest of DH's family are practically begging us to get pregnant but their that sort of family where as mine are more reserved. I think its a shame i cant even say to my own mum that we want a baby as i feel the first thing she will say is 'their too much money' and 'oh no you dont want that at the moment' but surely they should know we would want children (being the type of person that they know i am i.e very maternal etc) where as with mil i am saying i know (name inserted) i am trying to get him (DH) to hurry up LOL

 

[honeybunch2k7]

I was thinking you'd be younger. You're 28 and your parents wouldn't approve? I'm 21 and will be ready to TTC this year. I'm not really concerned about what they think-I stopped caring for various reasons. They have already said they weren't going to help much so I don't think it's much of their business anyway. I know they will think I am too young-they constantly dote over a female family member who is 29 and has a baby. Unlike her, I'm going to get married, but marriage doesn't matter to them. I don't have the same goals for myself as they do, and it's their problem not mine.

However, SO's mom is waiting for grandbabies!

 

[louisaL]

i know what you mean honeybunch but as i am their 'baby' so in their eyes they can still treat me as one.
Its not that I care if they want me to be pregnant or not I just want them to be happy for me when i tell them and to make the moment special for me.

 

[lovelybump]

I think that you should do what feels right for you and your DH. If your family doesn't like the idea, that's their choice. After all, it's all up to you and your DH whether to conceive or not

 

[honeybunch2k7]

^IA! Also, your parents initial reaction may not be good but they can still warm up to it. I admit I was a lil nervous when I found out I was preggo.

 

[lovelybump]

Yeah that's pretty much the same reaction my cousin got when she got pregnant. But her parents got over it in the end and were supportive of her and her OH.

 

[Monkeh]

I'm only worried about my Dad's reaction. Well, not even worried. I just know that he wouldn't approve. It's not going to stop me though

Not entirely sure what OH's parents will think. Future BIL would be happy and supportive I reckon.

In the end, though, it doesn't really matter what other people think. It's all down to you and your OH.

 

[Iwantone!!!]

hunni ur family of all ppl should support u in everything that u do and be proud opf u to ur old enough to make ur own choices in life good lck hunni xx

 

[Alchemist]

I have had such problems with DH getting him used to TTC that what other ppl say is irrelevant lol