Doc Called Yesterday

Discussion in 'Second Trimester Losses' started by Andypanda6570, Nov 16, 2011.

  1. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    I meant he called this morning not yesterday and I don't know how to change the title of this thread, sorry...:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: I just knew my dates were wrong, mothers intuition maybe ? They said I was due on August 7th but I knew it was wrong my last period was in October. Well they investigated and in fact I was due July 23 :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: I am upset cause I know Ava was 20 weeks and if I could have lasted 4 more weeks maybe just maybe and I know a small maybe she may have survived :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: They can't tell me why she died and I will never know. I just wish I went 24 weeks and maybe I could have saved her. I feel so devastated and like a failure in a way.
    Thanks for listening, this hurt for me just seems to never ease, why>
    :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
     
  2. mhazzab

    mhazzab Well-Known Member

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    Oh Andrea I'm so sorry you have found this out and that it has set you back. I lost my girls at 23+3 and afterwards, I spent a lot of time thinking about this, I was so close to 24 weeks, it seemed to me at the time, that maybe if I had just held on for a few more days, that they would have lived.
    Five months later, I don't believe this to be true, at 24 weeks, yes they do have a better chance, but they still have a very high chance of not surviving and, if they do, a high risk of complications.
    I'm not saying this to upset you, but please don't blame yourself because you didn't make it another 4 weeks. In all likelihood if would have needed to be much longer to have a good outcome.

    It's not your fault that Ava died, if you could have done anything to save her, you would have, I know that.

    You are a wonderful person and I wish I could do something to take away your sadness.

    Love you xxx
     
  3. KamIAm

    KamIAm BnB Addict!

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    Perfectly said Mhairi....

    Yes our dear sweet Andrea... :hugs: I think we ALL go through this... these same, very thoughts... The horrible "what if's".... But honestly... For some reason Ava was chosen to be with all of our angels... Yes, it's sucks... I completely agree... I want all of our children HERE ... with us... But He had other plans...UGH.. :cry: We will just remain to be here for each other until the day comes we get to be with them again... :hugs:

    I'm sorry that your day started off like this Hon' ... :hugs:

    Just keep breathing... Cry... Vent.... Scream... Whatever YOU need to do to get you though, just know we love you and are always here for you!! :hugs:
     
  4. amotherslove

    amotherslove MamaToLilyLucyAndLila<3

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    :( i'm so sorry. i know how it is to think like that.. i keep thinking that if my baby had held on a few more weeks she might not have been so fragile and maybe wouldve stayed put.. but as sad as it is to remember this, keep in mind that even at 24 weeks theres no guarantee..even at 40 weeks theres no guarantee.. you did everything you could.. unfortunately life is just not fair sometimes..:(
     
  5. blav

    blav 2 angels and TTC

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    Oh honey I know how you feel :-( Mateo was 22 and a half weeks and although we believe we made all of the right choices regarding letting nature take it's course when we found out I was in labor, it's hard not to wonder "what if?" Another woman was in the hospital when we were and she lost her baby at 30 weeks. Just because they're viable, doesn't mean they will live. As others have said, you CANNOT beat yourself up over this...as mothers, we would do ANYTHING for our babies and if there was anything we could have done then, we would have. Hugs and healing for you <3
     
  6. Hellylou

    Hellylou Mum to 3 and 1 Angel

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    Ah Andrea, you poor thing. I am thinking of you. :hugs::hugs::hugs: I think in some ways it was easier for me being 16 weeks because there was NO hope, and the further along you are, the more those thoughts must drive you crazy, but Mhairi is right, even at the 24 week stage, there are no guarantees.

    You did everything you could for Ava, she knows that. :hugs::hugs:
     
  7. angel jayvian

    angel jayvian Well-Known Member

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    Oo hunz im sorry u found this out now.. I kno how u feel I also feel like a failure I was 20 weeks when I went in to the er with pain. I was told I was 4cm dilated and that their was a chance of jayvian surviving only if I was a couple of weeks more .. I had hopes and prayed my baby would stay there for 3 more weeks it seem so far away but at the same time so close .i keapt counting the hours and days .a week past I was still in the hospital but the doctors keapt telling they didn't think ill make it to 23 weeks n if I did it wasnt 100 % sure he will make it. This would bring my hopes down :(...after exactly one week of trying to make it to 23 my water broke n there was nothing else I could of done :( .i felt like I failed like a mother ..failed to keep my baby alil longer and maybe just maybe he would still be here!....but there was nothing we could of done hunz! Lots of love xoxo.im here for you
     
  8. DueSeptember

    DueSeptember Mommy 2 My Angel Maya <3

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    I was so Happy to have made it to 24 weeks because I knew there was a 50/50 chance she would have survived...Doctor insured me we had the best NICU Doctors on standby and everything...I think if they would have done a c-section she would have survived it makes me sad...I wish she would have stayed in Longer she was Perfect just like all the other Angel Babies :hugs:
     
  9. Nikki_d72

    Nikki_d72 Mum to 2 + twin angels

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    Oh hun, I'm so sorry this has sent you off thinking those awful "what if?"s again. I know how terrible those thoughts are, I was hoping and praying I would get to 24 weeks also. I've read a lot about it since though and although I personally know a little boy who was a 24weeker, the chances are still so very slim - he's the exception. It didn't stop me holding onto the hope though even when those 4 weeks seemed so very far away.

    Remember the wonderful sign you got and even though it won't stop you missing her so very very much, know that she is OK and you will meet again when it's time, but only when it's time. I hope you can hold onto that and please don't beat yourself up sweety - she knows how very much you love her and that you would have done anything for her. You did do everything you could for her, including her birth - remember that. Your wee angel loves you. xxx
     
  10. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    Love you all, thank you :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
     
  11. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    I have been crying all day today, all the feelings are just rushing back to me :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: I feel like I have had enough why do I have to endure more, why:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
     
  12. mhazzab

    mhazzab Well-Known Member

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    Oh honey I don't know what to say I wish I could do something to take away your pain. Just know you are such a special person, you mean so much to me and I'm here for you always xxxx
     
  13. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    I love you, thank you. It just makes me feel like a failure, why couldn't I have jus kept her inside me longer, why:cry::cry::cry::cry: This pain hurts me so very bad:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: I wish he would have never called me and told me this, it just broke my heat all over again..
    XOXOOOX
     
  14. Nikki_d72

    Nikki_d72 Mum to 2 + twin angels

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    I'm so sorry hon. xxx
     
  15. babylou

    babylou Well-Known Member

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    Oh I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down. Loosing Ava so close to that time most be so hard on you.

    I lost Samuel at 15/16 weeks so there was no chance really... but for all of you guys out there at 20-24 weeks it must be heartbreaking.

    Please don't be hard on yourself.

    Unfortunately this horrible thing has happened and that is why we are all here now offering support and talking to each other. We all understand how crappy life can be, and luckily we have found each other to vent our frustrations and scream and shout.

    Remember we're all here to listen, as you are for us, and offer words of care.

    Take care.

    :hugs::hugs:
     

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