Doctor just confirmed what i had been dreading

[ninamama]

Hey ladies, I havent changed my status yet from pregnant to TTC. I loved the idea of being pregnant. I found out only about 3 weeks ago but started bleeding brown quite soon after. Its been cramping since monday and started bleeding enough red to know things werent ok. I clung onto all the good news stories on the websites and really hoped mine would be a miracle too. We have been trying for nearly 6months and had started initial testing leading to IVF so that is the positive, I hope this means that I can get pregnant naturally.
I need to wait now for the bean to pass. The doctor said today its nearly by the cervix so should be tonight or tomorrow. I am feeling really lonely. I think my husband had already accepted that it would probably not be good news at the doctors today and he seems to be doing fine, he just dropped me off at home and went to work. That has really upset me. Its been such an emotional time these last few weeks. Am I right to be upset with him or am I just looking for someone to vent my anger on? Anyone else had this sort of almost cold reaction from your partner and how did you deal with it?
Sorry ladies for this heavy posting.

 

[sherryberry79]

Hi Nina,

I'm so sorry to hear your news, it must be such a hard time for you, and you need to feel that your partner is supporting you and understands. I'm sure he does feel sadness, maybe he is using his work to divert his mind away from what is happening. But, men are not the most sensitive of creatures, he might not have any idea how hard this is for you.
I started bleding today too and am 5.5 wks, I have to wait until after the weekend to get a better idea of what might happen. My heart goes out to you though, maybe when you do pass your bean, you will get some closure, and look to the future to try again. I'm sending you a big hug x

 

[careth]

I am so sorry your going through this Men deal with their emotions so differently than us. Im sure he's very upset but wants to look strong for you. They also just dont realize how attached we get from the very beginning. I really wish us women didnt have to go through this, its so very sad

 

[Peach Blossom]

Hey hon,

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Men do deal with things in a very different way to women.

My DH was devasated at first, but had to go away on business soon after it happened. With his focus on work it seemed like he was over it and although was there as a support for me it didn't feel like he was greiving anymore. He is a freelancer and is coming to the end of his current project. I think it all hit him again tonight and he got upset again.

Of course you are upset that your OH seems not to be as affected by it. And you have every right to each and every feeling and emotion that you have. It is a complete rollercoaster of a time and if there is any advice I can give you it's don't fight it, allow yourself to feel the way you feel. Talk to your OH about how you feel too.

I hope that things happen fast for you and aren't too painful for you.

 

[redball]

I am very sorry for your loss.

I just miscarried (for the second time) and my husband like the other time, put it behind him rather quickly (in my eyes). Yes, I was very angry at him for being able to get over it so soon. I think it is different for men as they don't have that same physical and emotional bond that women have with their unborn child. I think they grieve, they just do it differently.

I hope that things happen quickly for you, and again, I'm sorry for what you are going through.

 

[Baby-Cakes]

Hi ninamama,

I'm so sorry for your loss, I found yesterday I've had a mmc my husband was with me and didn't say a word until we got out of the hospital which was 'are you ok?'. I don't think they know what to say or what to do.

Thinking of you!

 

[claire&holly]

Am so sorry for your loss and Hope you get the baby you are longing for soon! can not begin to imagine what you are going through xxxx

 

[mandy81]

I am so sorry for your loss hun.

 

[pennypoptart]

ninamamma, sorry to hear about your MC, it is really sad news. I had a MMC, which was determined last week, and had medical intervention (EPRC) yesterday.

On the day that we found out, my husband broke down in tears. However, I think he then took on the role of being "the rock". I've asked him how he feels, and he says that he is okay, and that he is taking comfort from the fact that it is so common, and that we are not alone in this situation. He is the type of bloke that looks into the future, and is very positive. In a way, it makes me a cross, as I want him to grieve, but I cannot expect him to cope in the same way that I'm coping... we're all different.

Your husband may not know how to express his grief. Please try and talk to him when you're ready. Don't be too cross with him, he also probably is trying to hide from seeing you upset. Men are strange creatures!

I hope that you manage to pull through this, and that you feel able to move on.

 

[rachjim98]

So sorry for your sad news of your loss.

As others have said on here Men are in a world of their own and they handle things so differently then we do or expect them too.
I had a cold reaction towards my DH after a few weeks. Just felt like he had moved on a little to fast. But then one day I went to look at our Daughter Rebecca's memorial box and the ribbon was undone, he had been looking at her pictures while I was at the market. SO he was grieving just in his own way on his own time.

Just keep your mind on the positives like you said. Hope everthing went ok today am thinking of you

 

[Chilli]

So sorry to hear your news and I understand how you feel about your lost. I was bereft! It sounds, as many have said, that your OH is being a typical man about it. You should let him know how you feel, but don't expect him to show you if he feels the same. I think my OH consoled himself in feeling needed by me which might be a positive way to try it? We're all here for each other, so if he's not able to be sensitive, we'll do whaty we can to help.

 

[mazza2003]

I had a mc ( which later turned out to be ectopic). When I had the MC my oh was away with his kids from his frist marriage. He never considered coming home (although I wouldnt have wanted that he didnt even offer.) When he did come back he didnt want to talk about it. i got the feeling he though I was being dramatic. When the ectopic ruptured he was again away with his son and didnt make it to the hospital until several hours after I was out of surgery. It was only then he broke down, majorly.
I think men deal with these things differently, and I have come to the conclusion that different people react differently. Try to bear with him, I know its hard.
It will get easier for you both and long term it is important to stick together as a team.
I hope you do get a BFP soon and I will be thinking of you both.
Chin up honey- focus on the future. XXXX

 

[chella]

Hi
I have just came out of hospital today after my lil one passing, Im so sorry for ur lost but my hubby is simular as last tuesday when we had the 1st scan to say the babys heartbeat was weak and wouldnt survive , we went home and he was ready to go off to work i guess its just their way of dealing with it , but my thoughts are with u and i wish u all the best for the future in trying again xxxx loadsa hugs from me xxxx

 

[ninamama]

hi girls, we are a few days on now and since i went to the doctor, im not even surprised anymore but the bleeding and cramping stopped again. I am now totally lost about what is going on. The doctor said it was so close to the cervix that it would pass that night or thursday but since that evening, there has been no more cramps or bleeding. How long should I wait before I go back to the doctor. I would have prefered a natural mc and think my doc is going to suggest d&c. Am i crazy to get my hopes up again?

 

[chella]

No ur not crazy xx

 

[ninamama]

its now sunday and since i went to the doctor there has been no cramping or bleeding anymore..my husband and i patched things up. i did what u suggested and had a chat with him, cooked some nice dinner, had a few glasses of wine and it all came flowing out. he was in the situation that he really didnt know what to do. said he felt really useless and wanted to share what i was going through but said he felt everything he was saying sounded so silly and empty. We even shared a few tears over the little one and decided to make a daytrip to the beach on tuesday to have a small ceremony to bury a toy for our little angel. now all this lovey dovey stuff meant i even got frisky with my husband yesterday night..we had wanted to wait till the coast was clear. Im sorry to say, i was secretly hoping some bumping around might get things going. The waiting around to mc is not nice. Nothing..not a single cramps or trace of blood. I am now thinking i might have had the mc before i went to the doctor cause thats when i was cramping..but then what was he on about when he said it was so close to the cervix i would mc that night if not the next day?? Anyone had any experience with this?

 

[dan-o]

So sorry to hear you are going through this hun.
Is it possible your doctor can send you for a scan to see whats going on in there, being in limbo must be just awful.

 

[chella]

Hi
So glad to hear u and hubby are all ok, if i was u id go to docs and he can ask the hospital to do an internal to see whats going on up there, least then you can be put at rest on whats going on in your body xxx best of luck xxx