does a fob who ran away ever come back?

[surprisebaby]

as title says. Not wrote on this forum for a while but have been reading lots of people's stories.

i still can't believe i have a 11 month old daughter an her father has pretty much never even seen her (his choice). he hasn't been there throughout the whole pregnancy. i suppose i thought when she was born he would want to see her then, but no he still hides. we live in the same city( he is in third year studying law). In the past i have made numerous attempts to contact him which he ignores. i haven't wrote to him since August last year. i have decided maybe its just best i cut him off too until he (if he ever does) contacts me. his family are not interested either and sent back the photos i sent of LO.

What now?? is that it.... he'll never ever see her. how can he live with that? surely at some stage in his life (he is only 22) he will realise he has made a terrible mistake.

Has anyone had similar experience when out of the blue the fob changes his mind or does it look like thats it, he will just never ever have a relationship with her?

sorry a lot of questions noone can really answer just wondered what everyones thoughts are..

thanks x

 

[whoops]

I'm dying to know this as well - I can't understand how somebody could have a child and never want to even meet them. I keep waiting for FOB to get an attack of conscience but looks like that's never going to happen.

 

[surprisebaby]

I'm dying to know this as well - I can't understand how somebody could have a child and never want to even meet them. I keep waiting for FOB to get an attack of conscience but looks like that's never going to happen.

hmm just noticed your from Ireland. my fob is from northern ireland. i wonder if its because of how it looks to others? having a child out of marriage wouldn't be seen as the done thing so they try and cover it up. its sickening... so wrong. its gets me sooo angry sometimes. i feel like putting a public banner outside his university with his picture and charlottes picture saying something that make people know what he has done. he just wants to just cover this all up and carry on his life as if nothing has happened and that just infuriates me... he has no concern for how it affects me...never thought about offering me any financial help with charlotte... just cut me off with no thought or concern, makes me mad. I hope something happens in his life to make him realise what he has done...

and he is missing on such a wonderful daughter who lives in the same city as him... hes crazy to not want to see her.

 

[chels24uk]

My cousin has 2 kids by a "man" she was engaged to. The eldest he was a dad to for 3 years and the youngest he hasnt even met! He was in the army and ran off with some girl from canada. He decided neither of the kids were his and cut all contact. Its been 10 years now.
I'll never EVER understand how anyone could just ignore the fact they have a child. Its sick

 

[billy2mm]

tbh i dont think a "man" who runs away at any point will ever come back to stay. he might flit in and out but never stay for any period of time.

my ex-hubby is too lazy to make the effort and he would have to spend his precious money to get the 650 miles up here to see the kids so its best that he pretends that he doesnt have any.

 

[DaisyDoodles]

My son's 'father' left when he was 17 months old because he said couldn't handle the fact that his son was autistic. He's never bother to visit in 14 years despite the fact that his own parents still have regular contact with us... some blokes seem to be able to just switch off the fact that they're a parent and in his case, he lost out BIG time, my son may have been a little harder than some to raise, but he's just been predicted straight A*'s for GCSE's and colleges are falling over themselves to offer him a place!

We've since found out that he also has twins out there somewhere that he hadn't even told his parents about despite knowing that a granchild was everything they ever wanted!

 

[sophieee18]

My fob left when I was 30 weeks prego and saw Alfie 4 times. 3 times in the first week and the last time was when Alfie was 4 weeks old when we go him registered. It will be a year in April since we saw him, and as horrible as it sounds, I hope he stays away. I'm managing fine on my own and he will only cause more stress and problems if he comes back.

 

[teal]

My ex appears to have dropped off the face of the earth. He's never met LO - not my choice.

 

[lal]

Mine disappeared during pregnancy and now is very involved in our son's life. He is a complete a-hole as far as I'm concerned, and I have to deal with him now, but I know it will be better for the baby to have him around. I think his family had a lot to do with that in the beginning, but now I think he is really happy to see our son. Which is great for the baby, but also means we have to agree on custody/visitation/any decisions. There's good and bad either way, I wouldn't change my situation but if he hadn't bothered I would have honestly been a little relieved.

 

[billy2mm]

My son's 'father' left when he was 17 months old because he said couldn't handle the fact that his son was autistic. He's never bother to visit in 14 years despite the fact that his own parents still have regular contact with us... some blokes seem to be able to just switch off the fact that they're a parent and in his case, he lost out BIG time, my son may have been a little harder than some to raise, but he's just been predicted straight A*'s for GCSE's and colleges are falling over themselves to offer him a place!

We've since found out that he also has twins out there somewhere that he hadn't even told his parents about despite knowing that a granchild was everything they ever wanted!

 

[whoops]

I'm dying to know this as well - I can't understand how somebody could have a child and never want to even meet them. I keep waiting for FOB to get an attack of conscience but looks like that's never going to happen.

hmm just noticed your from Ireland. my fob is from northern ireland. i wonder if its because of how it looks to others? having a child out of marriage wouldn't be seen as the done thing so they try and cover it up. its sickening... so wrong. its gets me sooo angry sometimes. i feel like putting a public banner outside his university with his picture and charlottes picture saying something that make people know what he has done. he just wants to just cover this all up and carry on his life as if nothing has happened and that just infuriates me... he has no concern for how it affects me...never thought about offering me any financial help with charlotte... just cut me off with no thought or concern, makes me mad. I hope something happens in his life to make him realise what he has done...

and he is missing on such a wonderful daughter who lives in the same city as him... hes crazy to not want to see her.

My FOB is actually from the UK, so that's not a part of it. He's just a coward.

It's shit, isn't it. Everything in my life has changed - from where I lived to my career plans and he's just carrying on as if nothing happened. He is the one missing out though - my LO is only six weeks old and already I don't want to imagine my life without her.

 

[DaisyDoodles]

My son's 'father' left when he was 17 months old because he said couldn't handle the fact that his son was autistic. He's never bother to visit in 14 years despite the fact that his own parents still have regular contact with us... some blokes seem to be able to just switch off the fact that they're a parent and in his case, he lost out BIG time, my son may have been a little harder than some to raise, but he's just been predicted straight A*'s for GCSE's and colleges are falling over themselves to offer him a place!

We've since found out that he also has twins out there somewhere that he hadn't even told his parents about despite knowing that a granchild was everything they ever wanted!

I know!

His parents were so disgusted with his treatment of me and my son they cleared all of his stuff out and in doing so found a photo of twins with a note scrawled on the back.... when I tracked down some of his old friends, they reluctantly told me that he was the father and the twins would have been 12 when my LO was born - FOB had said nothing at all to his parents in all of those years (or me!!)

My son knows that somewhere out there he has half siblings, but we have no way of ever finding them for him!

 

[Newdreemz]

Its really sad that this is so "normal". They just move on like nothing happened. Unfortunately, its going to take me years to heal from the pain of it all. I wont explain my story because its pretty much the same. But it really does something to a womans soul. To go thru this is hard. But if anything, you learn from this, and become a hellava woman in the long run.

 

[veganmum2be]

fob has never seen LO, his choice. i live in wonder and fear i suppose that he will suddenly pop up out of nowhere and want contact...but its doubtfull!

baffles me also!

 

[teal]

fob has never seen LO, his choice. i live in wonder and fear i suppose that he will suddenly pop up out of nowhere and want contact...but its doubtfull!

baffles me also!

I have that same sort of fear that in a few months or years he'll make contact and it will be a big disruption to my son xx

 

[sophieee18]

fob has never seen LO, his choice. i live in wonder and fear i suppose that he will suddenly pop up out of nowhere and want contact...but its doubtfull!

baffles me also!

I have that same sort of fear that in a few months or years he'll make contact and it will be a big disruption to my son xx

Me too!!

 

[imaginary8x]

Well, for me he didn't want to know when I was pregnant, I then contacted him after having Amy... well got threated, but i still didnt give up. xD sent him another message on myyearbook telling him he had till September to get in contact with me, as by that point I had enough of running after him. -.- and well he contacted me in September on Facebook wanting to be a dad etc. and that was pretty much the last time he saw Amy as well, says he is trying to get money to come see Amy but god knows. -.-

 

[Kathleen]

My son's 'father' left when he was 17 months old because he said couldn't handle the fact that his son was autistic. He's never bother to visit in 14 years despite the fact that his own parents still have regular contact with us... some blokes seem to be able to just switch off the fact that they're a parent and in his case, he lost out BIG time, my son may have been a little harder than some to raise, but he's just been predicted straight A*'s for GCSE's and colleges are falling over themselves to offer him a place!

We've since found out that he also has twins out there somewhere that he hadn't even told his parents about despite knowing that a granchild was everything they ever wanted!

I know!

His parents were so disgusted with his treatment of me and my son they cleared all of his stuff out and in doing so found a photo of twins with a note scrawled on the back.... when I tracked down some of his old friends, they reluctantly told me that he was the father and the twins would have been 12 when my LO was born - FOB had said nothing at all to his parents in all of those years (or me!!)

My son knows that somewhere out there he has half siblings, but we have no way of ever finding them for him!

My dad was married before he married my mum. He walked out on my brothers who were 5 and 7 years old-never contacted them again.
When his marriage with my mum broke down, I was 3 years old but it still made an impact on me, he walked away from both of us and never contacted, no birthday/christmas cards nothing!


I don't know why, it may be because it affected me or because I have to have answers but I finally managed to track him down when I was 17...was the most emotional and strangest thing I've ever done. I ended up in his town being welcomed by his family,they completely treated me as if I'd always been in their lives and I met my little sister. The best part....making my dad sqiurm! The very 1st phonecall to him was his past catching up with him.

A year later with a bit more snooping, I found my brothers (from his 1st marriage) they were living in Austrailia-bloody amazing! And again...I pointed my brother (the other refused) in my dads direction and the old boy got the second biggest shock of his life!!!

My brother came over to meet us and a few years later he moved to my dads town!


This could be a rare case and I'm over the moon that I've become close to my dad (he had to work for it) but he caused hurt to 3 kids. It was a real shock to see in his house the 1st day I met him-he had a big baby picture of me on the wall which my stepmum had said that it had always been there.

I think the point I'm making after that reeeeeally long post is that, there is a way to get hold of people-takes some time but for these FOB who have left, chances are that they'll always be in fear that their child will turn up one day asking for answers.....which is when they get to deal with an 'adult' child....you should see this as a comfort, one day they'll squirm too!

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

I think it matters on the FOB.

DSs dad wanted nothing to do with him until i got a DNA test done, then he wanted to be Father Of The Year but still wanted freedom...then he got a control/mean streak and filed for custody not realizing everything hed have to give up- so his parents ended up with DS while he gets off scott free. I never see him, i never hear from him. I go through his parents. Yet he can make major choices for DS- like putting him in school and lying to me about it.

I wish hed go away and let me have DS, but he wont. Its all about control still.

 

[Becyboo__x]

Sounds exactly like my situation i had! well from what you have said!

FOB left me 16 weeks pregnant we was happy had our ups and downs like everyone does.. and he came to my 12 week scan he was more nervous then me literally legs shaking as we waited and after we saw baby for first time he was really happy .. couldnt stop looking at the scan photo.. he drank alot and was always 1 of them guys that came to mine at 2/3am drunk expecting to stay over .. obviously me being pregnant i was in bed and got angry when he did this.. but 1 night i met him at 4am pregnant and he was drunk.. and he just got abit abusive really grabbing my wrists pushing me and all that stuff.. But he left me and the next day he got with another girl.....?! ....... all because 1 of his mates (a girl) who has always fancied him told him the baby isnt even his.. so that was it kicked off and i never saw him again ....

he only asked me when i was 20 weeks what i washaving boy/girl over facebook then he deleted facebook and everything changed his number.. so i couldnt even talk to him.. was heartbreaking really but now hes still with this girl and iv managed to contact him.. iv heard diff stories about him missing me and still loving me.. which im ignoring cause i dont believe it.. but hes told me to leave him alone he doesnt want anything to do with the kid and never will i think its his missus pushing him away aswell.. and now hes ignoring all CSA letters which makes me laugh theyll get him 1 way or another xD!

but yeah hes no dad can't believe he did it though overall