Does anyone else feel like this...

[muncho]

Just has a follow up yetserday after my lap and was given some more news about my uterus having a bit of a dip. Im high risk of having an ectopic, plus other stuff i cant even be bothered to go into.
So now not only is it difficult to concieve it may be difficult once im preg..
i was so upset yesterday.

Im so confused. One half of my head tells me its ok to be upset and to allow myself to cry etc etc. I havent once questioned why this has happened to me because i think 'why not me' some one has to make up the stats and it happens to be me this time.

The other side of my brain says 'being infertile is not that bad,, there are lot of other things that can go wrong with my body that could affect my health and my everyday life'

Being infertile or ttc withour much success is hard, emotional, stress ful but when things go wrong with the reproductive system its not life threathening.
I have friends who have MS, cancer and i feel i shouldnt be this uspet and they may be looking at me thinking 'id rather be infertile than have MS or cancer'


Does anyone else feel like me or am i the only weirdo?????????

 

[Dancingkaty1]

hi...so very sorry you are having a hard time......i do agree with you that we should feel very lucky that we are healthy ladies who are not 'ill'.......ttc like you say can be a very long and emotional rollercoster & i often feel very hard done by!! but i know i shouldnt...i have had all the tests going ( bloods, ultrasounds, hycosy, follicular tracking & am currently on clomid) all tests came back fine but it did show i had polycysts on only ovary but i still appear to be ovulating by myself so my fs is not worried about it. I have a lovely supportive husband, a beautiful 4 year old daughter, a lovely house & a healthy body to top it off!! xx

 

[WannaB]

I didnt want it too look like someone read this and didnt have the heart to repsond. Im not in your boat, I have kids and I cant even imagine what it feels like to have the struggles you ladies face. I have had an episode of cancer though, and tbh with you, I would rather die from the cancer than never have the chance to have had my kids. So i can understand that much at least. Its totally aright to feel upset, I dont know how you havnt gone down the "Why Me" track, I certainly without a doubt would have. Your definaltey not a weirdo by any means, you need to give yourself permission to feel the way you do guilt free, its everyones right and its not only an emotional thing, but biologically we are all built to breed, its instinct, your body is just not co-operating like it should. Im sorry you girls have such a hard time, I wish you all the very best and will enjoy your bfps all the more knowing how hard they are fought for.

 

[FBbaby]

Muncho, I so know what you mean. I work for the NHS and deal with horrific cases on a regular basis, and 2 years ago, I was diagnosed as possible MS, didn't get the all clear for 6 months, so like you I can appreciate the value of good health for yourself and those you love.

But no matter how appreciative you are of it, I think it is still totally natural and expected to feel so low when you get any sign that your chances of becoming a mother might be compromised. I know in your case, it is not just about your desire to become a mum, but also your desire to give your OH what he wants so much. Although I am massively grateful that I am a mum already, and on that basis, I could accept my possible infertility, it hurts me so much that I might be denying that chance to my OH.

ttc has put me through massive highs and lows that takes a lot out of me. One minute I feel almost ok at the idea of not being a mum again, telling myself that we are already so fortunate and that there are many other wonderful things to experience in life than just parenthood, the next I feel so anxious at the idea, it takes over my whole body and mind and I feel miserable.

I think you have an appointment book for IVF in a few days don't you? Sending you tons of babydust and hope they will make you believe that your dream will not take a miracle, just a little bit of luck

 

[Crypto1976]

I think this is a really natural way to feel, and there is always someone worse off, however this is all affecting you and you are allowed to feel down and to feel angry and question why me?.

What I would say however is that I would not give up. I had an ectopic was told the other tube was as useful as a chocolate teapot, and was due to be sterilised 10 weeks before I got a BFP. I am by no means out of the woods, but I refused to give up hope.

Where there is an egg and a sperm there can be a baby! My mum in particular refused to lets me forget this ( she is otherwise the prophet of doom!).

I too have seen dreadful illness and people diagnosed with terrible things, but do allow yourself time to grieve, but at the same time focus on what is positive and what might happen.

I know I sound all PMA, and I really am not really like that in life generally, however I do think it has helped me in the last year.

Please dont give up hope! XXXXXX

 

[WannaB]

I always love Crypto's story! It just goes to show that anything can happen!

 

[Dee7509]

 

[MissMonty]

You're definately not a weirdo x

 

[muncho]

Hi everyone
thanks so much for your comments. Im glad im not the only one! im looking forward to the day i can stop thinking about this and start thinking about something else

 

[Crypto1976]

I always love Crypto's story! It just goes to show that anything can happen!

Thats a lovely thing to say! And honestly anything can happen!! XXXX

 

[oliveoyl]

Hugs love, I've said exactly the same thing before.
Not that having trouble TTC isn't crappy, but that there are many crappy things that happen to others and I am very thankful for what I have. xx

 

[FBbaby]

I agree, Crypto, it is people like you that helps us in our worse time believe that it is worth to keep on trying

 

[Nimyra]

your experience is valid. many of us feel the same. I guess we all have our roads to walk - and unique challenges. It's what we make of those challenges that counts.

*hugs*

 

[BabyChristie]

Hi sweetie

Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad It is completely natural and on some days all of us feel like that. Life for me TTC is a constant battle every minute to supress negative feelings and sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. Tears can come out of nowhere and I feel so tired fighting this internal battle all day. I've struggled with depression as a result in the past and like you, there are times when I just want to have something else to think about.

But, hope is all we have and the lovely girls who have been through this nightmare with success, like Crypto, are the ones that help to keep that PMA up in the dark moments.

Don't make yourself worse by feeling guilty about feeling bad, if that makes sense. You have every right to feel how you feel and bottling it all up or denying what you feel won't help in the long run. In the meantime, when things do get on top of you and you need to turn to people who understand, we are here and we'll help you through.

xxxx

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

Defo not the only one... trust me.. my year of bad luck just seems to keep goin... i want 2010 to be good but with a gynie appointment sent to me outta the blue for 7th of Jan i dont see it happening.. just when i thought the worst could happen, more comes but in a bigger hurricane... except this will hurt me not just my baby.

 

[jojo-m]

I'm a student nurse and during one of our lectures was told about the psychological affects of infertility. It was descriped as grief, grief that you wake up with every single day, its loss of the baby you didn't get and therefore harder to come to terms with than even losing a loved one to death.

I've only been ttc my 2nd child for 15 months and some of what they said rang true.

Don't discount what your feeling. Great thing about this board is we're all in the same boat and understand

xxx