Does anyone know...

[enola]

...why hvs and doctors, who should surely understand the implications of stress on a baby more than most, advise along to crying it out route?
Are they professionally allowed to do this?
It's even in that NHS guide book thing they give to you when you have a baby.

Just as a new mum I find myself doubting my own intuition when it's health professionals telling me my baby is over tired because we hold him all of the time and don't leave him in a darkened silent room alone. But he sleeps in my arms/his slings in a quiet, warm room with soft lighting ...

With Daniel getting worse with his reflux he has just been screaming non stop a lot and often cries himself to sleep on my shoulder. His throat is really sore and I just can't imagine putting him down alone when he is hurting, and his little hands literally cling desperately round my neck

But I guess I need a little reassurance just to keep me going - am I doing the right thing by cuddling him through his screams? He won't associate me with sadness will he?

Thanks in advance ladies - knowing that there is this support network of like minded mums really helps

 

[anothersquish]

You are doing exactly the right thing. Even though he is upset he knows you are there providing all the love and comfort you are possibly able.

 

[anothersquish]

Oh and as people in the medical field they would know that reflux is much worse if baby is laid flat...they are best being kept upright for at least half an hour after each feed so, infact, having baby on your shoulder or in a carrier holding them upright is BETTER for them than leaving them in a room on thier back.

 

[Lu28]

Oh hon, all he's going to associate you with is comfort xxx

 

[Rachel_C]

He's going to associate you with cuddles and kisses when he's upset or uncomfortable. I think professionals are stuck in a time warp where babies are concerned - they go with what's been taught for the last fifty or a hundred years and think that it must be ok because it's been done like that for ages. They forget that things were done the natural way for a lot longer before that!

 

[thelilbump]

You make him feel safe, he knows you love him more than anything in the world and that you want to keep him safe

 

[purpledahlia]

what the others have said! x

 

[BeccaMichelle]

You're doing all the right things honey. And if you want some medical reassurance try reading The Attachment Parenting Book by William Sears. Try looking for it at a library, it won't tell you that much you don't already know- but it will reassure you that everything you're doing is right for you and your baby! (I know it made me feel better and less likely to be influenced by all the 'Baby Trainers' out there.)

 

[Jetters]

Gosh- Enola, Daniel will ONLY associate you good things- love, support, cuddles and soothing sounds. You are doing the right thing for your baby, and for you. xxx

 

[FemmeEnceinte]

Unfortunately, doctors and health visitors are still only people and a lot of them are led by outdated ideas. After all, it's doctors and medical "professionals" who are directly responsible for the low rates of breastfeeding and high rates of early weaning.

It's a pain in the bum as it's hard to know where to go then, btu I've always been a fan of doing my own research, referencing and going with this and also my own instincts. Never led me wrong yet xxx

 

[im_mi]

You are absolutely 100% doing the right thing, hun. Health visitors are, unfortunately, mostly full of sh*t.

Mine actually told me once that i should be leaving my son to scream himself to sleep, at 5 weeks old, or "he will never learn to sleep on his own!"

He is now 2, and he sleeps in his own bed on his own perfectly happily and has done for a long time, and i havent cruelly neglected him at all.

Your instincts are there for a reason; your baby cries and you comfort him. crying is his only survival mechanism. I just dont understand this ridiculous modern notion that a baby should independently be able to comfort himself when he isnt even capable of sitting up, walking, feeding himself or speaking. Let alone being able to process complex and strong emotions.

 

[im_mi]

oh God, i had to post again. i am just so angry that there are so many mums who feel this way because of bloody health visitors and their incorrect, outdated advice. I spent the first 6 weeks of my sons life in permanent floods of tears because i was constantly trying to follow the advice and not hold him too much etc etc and it felt so wrong, so incredibly wrong. i look back and feel so desperately sad that i spent those lovely long cuddles panicking that i was somehow doing him a disservice. It still makes me cry now, knowing that i didnt make the most of those times. You never get that time back. You cuddle your baby as much as you bloody well want to and dont let ANYBODY tell you to do otherwise.

 

[BabyHaines]

I couldn't agree more with what the others have said and im_mi is right. These early days fly by, so make the most of cuddles with him & comforting him.
It sounds like you're doing a grand job honey, just as a good mum should

And remember; A happy mum means a happy baby, so don't let them bully you & you do what feels right & natural to you xxxx

 

[NuttyJester]

My HV has been told to actively discourage BLW (slightly off topic!) because 'typically babies lose weight'... she obviously didn't know what it was even, for she said 'anything you do puree, then...' I said I wouldn't be pureeing anything, to which she said 'yes, I know, but anything you do puree, then make sure it's really smooth!'

See what we're up against?!

 

[tinkerbellkir]

Your doing exactly what your baby needs, i ignore health professionals most of the time unless its something i have no knowledge of. In these situations though i really dont understand why they say this.
Cuddles is what he needs, carry on what your doing

x

 

[Kit]

I'm always surprised when I hear about HVs giving this sort of advice. All of our HVs presented a completely united front in encouraging and supporting breastfeeding, educating about BLW and being adamantly against any sort of CIO or even the slightest suggestion that a baby under 6 months is capable of learning to manipulate its parents or cry for any reason other than a genuine need. They also all gushed over my wraps and mei tai and showed them to other mums. I wasn't using cloth nappies when I went to Surestart regularly but we have our 8month+ checkup on Monday and I am fully expecting the HV to explode with joy!

I only ever had criticism from one HV and that was about stopping BF but her colleague who had helped us during our BF struggles apologised to me on her behalf. Apart from that one incident I couldn't sing their praises enough.