Does anyone worry they will regret not sticking with one child

[babycrazy1706]

My son is almost 6 and an only child
We've had a lovely time together. I work part time so I've been able to spend a good amount of time with him and we've been on some wonderful holidays together just me and him.

I'm planning to have #2 soon and I'm scared I will mourn for the days it was just us two

Is it normal to feel this way?

For example on a weekend, he is now old enough to get up put the tv on and make some breakfast, he allows me to rest then comes in to me later on. We can just jump in the car and go on adventures or totally chill together at home. I feel like life will get super hectic and i will think I should have just kept it at one xx

But saying that I do really want another !

 

[EMSwife1124]

I have similar feelings! My son is only 3 but my husband worked nights for almost all of these 3 years so we had a lot of alone time together.

Now my husband works a different job where he is home a lot more, which is great, so we are trying for #2 this summer.

But I also feel guilty that it’s going to make things harder and my son will not get the same amount of time with me.. but I really want him to have a sibling too!

I don’t really have advice, just wanted you to know you aren’t alone!

 

[babycrazy1706]

Thank you!

My son really wants a sibling too and I don't want him to be alone so I guess it's for their benefit too

 

[EMSwife1124]

Yes! Mine is saying his baby sister is in his belly 🤣 (we have a lot of pregnant people around us right now so he knows babies are in bellies) and he keeps saying he wants mommy to have another baby - even though I’m not sure he fully understands what that means - ha.

We will both be fine - I know we will both have enough love for more babies and adjust our lives to make it work.

Good luck to you!

 

[krissie328]

I felt this way. When my son was about 2.5 I realized how good things were. I felt like life was getting easier and he was at a fun age. We actually decided not to have any more.

Well fast forward and I got pregnant a few months later. I was super disappointed but I must say it hasn't been as hard as I feared. Ds has adjusted well and baby girl seems to fit in well with our routine. Things are more difficult and require more time to get everyone ready and out the door but that's just expected. I think a couple years with a baby and young toddler will be worth it long term.

 

[WackyMumof2]

I was the opposite when I had my first - I wanted another so he would have a sibling to grow up with, share experiences with etc. When DS3 arrived, we had DS4 for the same reasons due to their 2 older brothers being a lot older than them. I think it's important for them to have someone to grow up with.

 

[Bumblebee24]

@babycrazy1706
Gosh I could of wrote this myself.

We're in exactly the same position our little girl will be 4 years in July and she's such a little dream. Can't say she was the same as a baby this along side what I think was a touch of postnatal depression with me. I just don't know if it would be worth rocking our now stable and steady boat. I know what you mean about pack up and going on holiday or an adventure. We live for family holidays & try to go on 2 a year but just don't know if we'd be able to afford this if we had number 2. Also I wouldn't say I spoil my daughter but I like to try her to trip to the farm, play centres etc. We are by no means well off or rich just a working family me part time & my husband full time. So child care cost for 2 worries me too.
But the on the other hand years down the line id hate to retreat never having another based on the ifs buts or maybes. I suppose a desision that's right for one family is the right choice for another. Ohhh gosh I just don't know x

 

[babycrazy1706]

@babycrazy1706
Gosh I could of wrote this myself.

We're in exactly the same position our little girl will be 4 years in July and she's such a little dream. Can't say she was the same as a baby this along side what I think was a touch of postnatal depression with me. I just don't know if it would be worth rocking our now stable and steady boat. I know what you mean about pack up and going on holiday or an adventure. We live for family holidays & try to go on 2 a year but just don't know if we'd be able to afford this if we had number 2. Also I wouldn't say I spoil my daughter but I like to try her to trip to the farm, play centres etc. We are by no means well off or rich just a working family me part time & my husband full time. So child care cost for 2 worries me too.
But the on the other hand years down the line id hate to retreat never having another based on the ifs buts or maybes. I suppose a desision that's right for one family is the right choice for another. Ohhh gosh I just don't know x

It's so hard isn't it. But then I think about my son and how he changed my life and I've never once regretted him so maybe would be the same with another baby. If I picture Elijah playing with a sibling in my head I see happiness lol
I really worry about sleep or lack of it. With one baby it's easy to stay home and nap when baby naps etc. With an older one there's the school run and the million other tasks that need completing. Decisions decisions xx

 

[Sarachka]

I feel exactly the same! I’ve had my daughter alone since she was a year old and now she’s nearly 6. We are BFFs. Life is so easy now and we have got into such a good groove with routines etc.

I don’t actually feel an urge to have another baby but my partner does. He doesn’t have any and I can’t dictate that for him - that he can be a stepdad and nothing else for the rest of his life. I also do want my daughter to have have a sibling. At nearly 6 she wouldn’t really play with them much I guess it she may love all the baby care bits

 

[kksy9b]

I felt this way before we got pregnant with #2. In fact, my whole first trimester I felt guilty because I knew that I was going to change DS's entire world and I would have less time with him. I wasn't really able to enjoy the pregnancy because of it. Eventually those feelings subsided (about the time I started feeling baby squirm around). However, because I had a hard pregnancy, I had a very hard time bonding, even after DS2 was born.

For about 3 weeks I longed for it to just be me and DS1 again. I missed getting to spend time with him and the baby nursed ALL THE TIME so it was few and far between we got to spend any one on one time together. When DS2 was 3 weeks old, I broke down one night and told DH everything I was feeling. It was like a floodgate was opened. As soon as I said it out loud everything changed. I looked at this little guy I was holding and it seemed ridiculous that I would ever wish that he wasn't there. I was finally able to bond with him and have never looked back.

Yes, it was an adjustment. Yes, the dynamic changed with DS1. BUT...it changed into something so much sweeter. I got to watch him take up his role of big brother. To watch him help take care of, protect and love on this little baby. And the baby just had doe eyes for his brother (still does). They fight...like all the time....but they also love each other fiercely. After those first few weeks, I have never wished it was just me and DS1 again and love love love the three of us at home together now (I'm a SAHM and DH travels a lot for work so its often just us).

 

[Literati_Love]

Yes, I was worried about this before I had #2, and when she did come, I did have moments where I missed the one-on-one time with my dd1. In fact, I think I had more of those moments than most people, and for longer. However, I didn’t for a second regret having another child! She filled me with so much joy as well, and having her around is SO worth not having the one-on-one time with dd1 anymore. Also, now that dd2 is past the baby stage, I am making more of an effort to take dd1 on mommy-daughter dates just the two of us. You can still make time for just you and your older son when you have 2.

 

[JessyG]

I felt like this before I had our 2nd. I found the baby bit extremely hard with my daughter and now that she was older it was so much easier and my OH had changed jobs too which meant I was able to have some free time again. My daughter was never desperate for a baby but as soon as I told her I was Pregnant she was excited and has absolutely thrived on being a big sister. There was a couple of weeks where she said she didn't enjoy having a baby brother but surprisingly it wasn't at the beginning it was when she was on holiday at Easter time and the baby was 2 months old. I think it stemmed from going to stay with my mum for a night (her first ever sleepover without me) and my mum spoiled her rotten so she came back and decided our house was no longer fun. Anyway it onyl lasted a day or so and now she dotes on her brother and he is always looking for her. There is 4.5 years between my two and to be it was the perfect age gap. My daughter starts school after summer and I am looking forward to doing more classes and groups with my son like I did with my daughter. I just make sure I spend quality time just me and her at the weekend. Now that I have the two I couldn't imagine my life any other way. Yes it has its moments of being a bit manic but at least it's never dull