Does it ever go away?

[tori0713]

The envy of everyone fussing over someone else's baby? I feel like when it happens for DH and I, my child will get pushed to the back burner, because it's not the first baby in the family. Do you ever feel like that will happen with your children if they're not the first or issues with family make it seem like that?

Most times it just hurts my heart that it won't get as much attention as the other children have, specifically because my ILs have invested so much time in their first grandchild that they won't care about their second grandchild.

 

[ErinHopeful]

I often find myself wondering about the same thing ... I of course don't know your ILs or your family dynamics ... but I don't think it'll be like that. I think new babies always bring attention/love and then they'll be able to develop a relationship with the child.

My family wasn't 'close' growing up .. and there were many of us, but I never noticed or felt like I was treated, or seen, any differently than the rest of the children in our family.

Good luck on your BFP and hopefully it's just a worry/thought and not a reality for you/your family! Hang in there!

 

[HollyPlox]

I find myself thinking this all the time.

On my side of the family I really shouldn't have anything to worry about.
Being only 3 grandchildren including me and I'm the youngest, the eldest 2 haven't had any kids nor have they even thought about it.
I'm an only child therefore it's all good with my parents.

But when it comes to my DH's family, that's when it starts getting confusing.
He has 8 sister and brothers, 9 including him.
One already has a 2 year old son and another one is 24 weeks pregnant.
I constantly think about what it'll be like with his family but then I'm glad that u have my family.

It worries me also.

 

[Stacie0703]

Me too...I'm an only child, so I'm not worried about my parents...but with my IL's, I worry all the time. I worry that my kid won't be doted on like my 2 month old niece or that we will be compared to my bro and sis in law as parents or that my kid will be compared with my niece...sending many hugs

 

[nolansmom]

I think for sure it will happen. Here's why (random theory of mine)

I feel like the mother's family is always closer to child than dad's family. .My family is all really close to my sisters kids and my son is def treated "better" than his 2 yr older cousin who is my brother son.

I expect that OH family will mostly lack interest in baby (expecting now) and I'm ok with that because really I am happy with my family swooning over a new baby..

It's natural as I tell my sisters and mom personal things whereas a man is less likely to have that connection with his family so they are more distant from pregnancy..

The exception is something other than what I've said - but I believe it's the rule.

 

[MrsWKJ]

I totally agree with you nolan's mom.

 

[bluejen]

I am the youngest of four cousins and my son is the oldest of his cousins, he has spent 2 years being the only grandchild on BOTH sides! I was fussed over as the baby of the family, and my son is spoilt too I think its the same as worryingif youll love your 2nd baby as much as your 1st, you know you will, you just cant imagine it!
Also, i may be the exception but i'm a lot closer to my Dads family and I think my son is equally close with mine and hubbys family. I feel like when i married him, i became part of his family too so they are all my family! Xx

 

[JJKCB]

my family doesn't breed well so I was the first on my mams side to have children and the first on my step dads side, my real dads family I barely know so doesn't matter and OH brother has no intention of children him and his OH are happy with there cats and I dont think my brother (who is only 17 and only just started dating) and my cousins (one is gay, one is 10 and one is 8) will be having kids anytime soon

to be honest though I got virtually no attention when I had DS, no friends came to visit at all not even one, my mams family visit once or twice over the first year and that was it its nearly 5 years later and most of my friends still havnt come to meet my son even though I went out of my way to go see most of their children (there is only 2 I havnt met)

 

[brownlieB]

I had the same worries with DD IL's had 13yrs with my Bruce being their only grandchild, and then DD came along and I thought they wouldn't be as bothered, but they dote on her and show her just as much love and attention

And I'm now sure it'll be the same when baby number 2 comes. We were the last to have children. My brother has a daughter who's 5 and again my mum cooed and fussed over my DD just as much. Xx

 

[brownlieB]

Ha typing from my phone. My Bruce should be my niece! Xx

 

[tori0713]

Thanks ladies! It certainly makes me feel better I'm not the only one who is concerned about this. My SIL even said to a lady at the store the other day about her son, "well he's the first on our side, so he's a spoiled little guy".

Just makes me sad for what my children won't get from my husband's side of the family after I've showered my SIL with many gifts and A LOT of help after she had my nephew. I just hope that since it'll be the first for my parents it'll be exciting for them and that they will show more attention to our children better than what I believe my ILs will.