Does it ever really get better?

[Imalia]

Because it hasn't for me. The pain and hurt and anger are still as fresh and raw as they were a year ago. I'd like to hear from someone, someone who is a year or more down the road, someone who isn't pregnant or had their rainbow baby, that it really does get any better or any easier.

I want a reason to believe there's a point to carry on. Not baseless optimism or blind faith, a real actual reason, because I'm not seeing one. I told everyone a year ago that was it, my last chance gone. Everyone said I was wrong, everyone told, assured and even promised me I was wrong. But I wasn't. I knew then just as I know now, there is no happy ending and no rainbow for me, this is just my life, as it is now, hurting and heartbroken and empty, forever.

 

[SarahJane]

I am so sorry but I can't tell you what you want to hear. I am just so sorry for your loss and send you loads of love

 

[Andypanda6570]

It's been 4 months for me and NO I am not that much better. I miss Ava every single day of my life and I hate going to a grave every other day I do have 3 boys 20,17 and 11 and Ava was a huge surprise at 40yrs of age, but she is gone and I am left here very empty and broken, my heart will never mend. I think in time it will get manageable but NO we will never forget nor get over it. Please don't give up please, you sound so upset and lost and I am so sorry I feel like this also, is there more you want to share with us? Is it you feel you can't have anymore kids? Sorry if I asked to much I was just trying to help. if you need a friend I am here and I mean that.
XOXOXOOXO

 

[Imalia]

OH and I have been TTC #1 since October 1997. We've had three early miscarriages (in October 1998, July 2009 and one on 3rd June this year) one ectopic pregnancy (July 2008) and we lost our son at 20 weeks due to a circumvallate placenta and hyercoiled umbilcal cord on the 15th July last year. I have PCOS, Diabetes and Antiphospholipid syndrome, the latter of which was only discovered after losing our son last year. I don't believe I will ever get pregnant again, and even if I do, I don't believe I'll ever get to take home a baby. And there's nothing I want more.

I miss my son, next Friday will be his birthday, and apart from me, OH and two of my oldest and dearest friends, everyone has either forgotten, or doesn't want to remember. I'm tired of watching everyone around me get pregnant and have their babies and STILL find something about it all to complain about, and I'm tired of everyone telling me it gets better, when it doesn't.

 

[Andypanda6570]

OH and I have been TTC #1 since October 1997. We've had three early miscarriages (in October 1998, July 2009 and one on 3rd June this year) one ectopic pregnancy (July 2008) and we lost our son at 20 weeks due to a circumvallate placenta and hyercoiled umbilcal cord on the 15th July last year. I have PCOS, Diabetes and Antiphospholipid syndrome, the latter of which was only discovered after losing our son last year. I don't believe I will ever get pregnant again, and even if I do, I don't believe I'll ever get to take home a baby. And there's nothing I want more.

I miss my son, next Friday will be his birthday, and apart from me, OH and two of my oldest and dearest friends, everyone has either forgotten, or doesn't want to remember. I'm tired of watching everyone around me get pregnant and have their babies and STILL find something about it all to complain about, and I'm tired of everyone telling me it gets better, when it doesn't.

I am really so sorry and YES my God you have been through so much I know it doesn't get easier . people who already have kids maybe think it's ok to say that not realizing it's not ok for you. I really am so sorry for all this and I wish I could hug you but I can't. what i can do is try to listen and be a friend. Is there any other options you can try?

 

[kiki04]

I dont think it ever stops hurting Im "new" to the loss but I know I will always hurt like this. I hope someway, somehow, someday you find a solution to bring your precious baby home after a H&H 9 months Im so sorry for all you've been through

 

[daopdesign]

Hi Imalia, I am so very sorry you have had to go through all this I can't imagine how painful all this must be especially after so many losses. I lost my boy at 16 weeks (reason unknown) that was just over a month ago and I think about him everyday but I do tend to block some thoughts out like wondering what he would have been like, stuff like that. It hurts to think thoughts like that because he should still be with me. He's not here in life but will be in my heart for the rest of my life.

There's not a lot anyone can say to make you feel better but I wish you the best of luck and try to stay positive, I'm sure you will have your miracle one day x

 

[jennijunni]

I am sorry. I have no words for you, just condolences. Super big hugs Imalia! I am thinking of you.

 

[mama2connor]

I must admit, after we had lost the twins i thought that i'd never get over it. Hubby & I started trying to conceive after a month or two, but i felt guilty...Almost as if i was replacing them, but i knew no matter what, i'd never replace them. 11 Months after loosing the boys, i found out i was pregnant with my daughter. From then on, i felt i was emotionally able to move forward a little. I have never forgotten them, and i still cry over them but i now think of them mostly with a smile on my face and think how lucky i was to have had them in my life at all even if it was for a very brief moment. I think having my daughter helped me with the grief and if i didn't have her, i just don't know where i'd be in regards to my emotions today, or if i'd still be the same as i was before. I hope that doesn't sound heartless, or as if i am replacing them. xx

 

[Imalia]

It doesn't sound heartless at all, and I think it's normal, it's what I hear from everyone. That their rainbow baby is their reason to smile again, or that it's what's made their lives worthwhile, or it's eased their grief enough that they can move on. This is my problem, this is why I'm stuck. No one tells you what to do when a rainbow baby just doesn't come along.

 

[mama2connor]

I'm so sorry hun

Have you spoken to a doctor, or consultant about your fertility problems?...Surely there is something that can be done to atleast try and help you with your trying to conceive journey?....My heart goes out to you!!

Before i fell pregnant with the twins, my husband and I tried for 3 years with no success. I became obsessed i done OPK's every month, used a BBT as well as a clearblue fertility monitor but i wasn't getting anywhere. It was so frustrating and month after month i felt disheartened and would cry because i kept getting BFN. Eventually my blood tests came back that my body had spontaneously stopped ovulating (They didn't know why) and she referred me to an infertility specialist. Luckily for me i found out we were expecting twins literally 2 weeks before my appointment was due.

I just hope you get your rainbow baby very soon, i'm rooting for you all the way!!! xx

 

[xlilkax]

It's 1 year and 3 months on for me. It still hurts A LOT, I still cry, I still miss him. The pain, for me, doesn't feel any less than the day it happened BUT I cope a lot better with it now, it's bareable. I thought getting pregnant again would make the pain go but it didn't, yes I'm due in a couple weeks and not had any complications and I love my baby so much and I am so excited to meet him but it doesn't take the pain away from losing my first and in some ways I feel guilty for moving on with my life and I feel like I'm replacing him and for ages I felt like I didn't love this baby. Everyone copes differently though.

 

[KelseyMom]

Because it hasn't for me. The pain and hurt and anger are still as fresh and raw as they were a year ago. I'd like to hear from someone, someone who is a year or more down the road, someone who isn't pregnant or had their rainbow baby, that it really does get any better or any easier.

I want a reason to believe there's a point to carry on. Not baseless optimism or blind faith, a real actual reason, because I'm not seeing one. I told everyone a year ago that was it, my last chance gone. Everyone said I was wrong, everyone told, assured and even promised me I was wrong. But I wasn't. I knew then just as I know now, there is no happy ending and no rainbow for me, this is just my life, as it is now, hurting and heartbroken and empty, forever.

Even when you are pregnant with another baby the pain stays fresh and raw the anger becomes unbearable. I was 18 weeks 5 days pregnant with a baby boy and now in a new pregnancy having the same problems that caused me to lose my first boy. Just because you are hurt doesn't mean pregnant women and people with rainbow babies aren't still hurting just as bad. I still have no peace this baby does not replace the one i lost any more then my mother could replace yours after a loss. Loss of human life is precious not just to those who can't seem to concieve, it is precious to everyone. All the rage in the world doesn't change what happened to your precious child I wish it could but it won't you have to hold on and live through it even if the pain remains the rest of your life, no one is immortal and no one can be replaced. Try throwing yourself into others pain, help other mothers who have suffered a loss, help a child with cancer, put back together the home of a tornado victum, there are so many people out there suffering and i have found that directing my attention to others who have also suffered an emmence amount of pain takes my mind if only breifly from my own pain. Good luck on your journey it will be a long and grief filled one. I hope in the future you will be able to concieve again but know it won't replace the pain of your first child.

 

[Imalia]

I didn't mean to say that others don't hurt, I was saying that everyone I have seen say it does get better and it does ease, has their rainbow baby or is pregnant. I know the pain won't ever completely stop, it's something I will carry with me until the day I die. I just want to know that even without another baby, it will get to the point that it's manageable.