Does one ever get over a Cesarean?

[Lina]

It has been 7 months since my unnecessary emcs, and it feels like it happened yesterday. Never has something affected me like this experience has. The mere mention of anything relating to pregnancy/birth repulses me and causes me great emotional distress. I am not ready to seek help as I struggle to talk without choking with tears. My DH is fed up with my constant lamenting and my mother just says that I should be lucky that I have a healthy thriving baby boy and more or less blames me for ending up in theatre. When, if at all do these feelings go away?

 

[chuck]

Check your PM's hun.

X

 

[tannembaum]

I found talking about it helped so much!! I guess I was lucky (in a way) that it effected OH almost as much as me and we talk about it quite a lot.

If you ever need to chat feel free to PM me

 

[modo]

I am still not over it but time has made it a lot better. I still blame myself but only in times of weakness. I blame my consultant a lot more.

 

[Quackquack99]

I know how you feel, 4 months on I still don't say that I've given birth. Doesn't feel like it at all.

 

[Pinkorblue11]

Time and support made a huge difference for me. I hope when you are ready, you'll find supportive people you can talk to.

 

[madasa]

I am so sorry. I have never been through it, so I don't feel I can be very helpful, but I didn't want to read and run. Please be gentle with yourself and let yourself grieve the birth you wanted and didn't have.

It might help to contact other mums who also had a CS.... have you been to the ICAN website? https://www.childbirth.org/section/ICAN.html

This is a nice article from a mother who had a CS - if you are ready to read it?
https://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/130471/im_proud_of_my_csection

Wishing you peace and healing! x

 

[Lina]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I have been talking about it for 7 months now and no one understands so I have stopped talking. I honestly do not see me ever getting over this, perhaps having another baby naturally may help but I cannot envisage that atm.

 

[clarsair]

Time has been what's helped me most. I also couldn't really talk to anyone, DH would get exasperated and uncomfortable. I still struggle to hold back the tears sometimes now but I don't feel as much pain over it now - I'm starting to move on I think. I did order my notes, which helped a bit, but I'm not sure if/when I'll get past the thoughts of 'if only I had/hadn't etc..'.

 

[tannembaum]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I have been talking about it for 7 months now and no one understands so I have stopped talking. I honestly do not see me ever getting over this, perhaps having another baby naturally may help but I cannot envisage that atm.

Part of me thinks thats why we TTC when DD was 7 months old.
I NEEDED to give birth, its a very weird thing to try and explain though

 

[Lina]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I have been talking about it for 7 months now and no one understands so I have stopped talking. I honestly do not see me ever getting over this, perhaps having another baby naturally may help but I cannot envisage that atm.

Part of me thinks thats why we TTC when DD was 7 months old.
I NEEDED to give birth, its a very weird thing to try and explain though

I don't think this is weird at all. I have thought of this myself but as DS is still a erratic sleeper and generally unhappy with relfux, wind, I just could not handle another. How has your second pregnancy affected your scar? This is another thing that worries me when I do get pregnant.

 

[Lina]

Time has been what's helped me most. I also couldn't really talk to anyone, DH would get exasperated and uncomfortable. I still struggle to hold back the tears sometimes now but I don't feel as much pain over it now - I'm starting to move on I think. I did order my notes, which helped a bit, but I'm not sure if/when I'll get past the thoughts of 'if only I had/hadn't etc..'.

This bolded bit is what torments me. If only I had walked more then maybe induction could have been avoided, if only I consented to the sweeps offered and used all manner of things to safely kick start labour, if only I hadn't been scaremongered into CFM and refused to be told to lie on my back, etc etc.

 

[tannembaum]

I'm assuming it was your first pregnancy??
It was my first pregnancy and even though my instincs were telling me what they were doing was wrong I listened to the Drs/MWs as they are the professionals.
I did feel bad about going against my feelings BUT at the end of the day if I hadn't listened and something happened to my baby I would feel a lot worse.

With this pregnancy I have gone in a lot more informed and I feel a lot more confident in saying NO to things that I have done research on and feel aren't needed. I've had a little bit of stomach pain this time due to the scar tissue but as far as I am aware there is no problem with my actual scar (there is 9 months between pregnancies)

 

[TunechisMom]

It has been 7 months since my unnecessary emcs, and it feels like it happened yesterday. Never has something affected me like this experience has. The mere mention of anything relating to pregnancy/birth repulses me and causes me great emotional distress. I am not ready to seek help as I struggle to talk without choking with tears. My DH is fed up with my constant lamenting and my mother just says that I should be lucky that I have a healthy thriving baby boy and more or less blames me for ending up in theatre. When, if at all do these feelings go away?

I have had 2 c-sections and am actually looking forward to my 3rd. Sadly, I can't say that I can relate to how you're feeling because I believe that when a woman conceives, carries and nourishes a growing baby for 9 months, REGARDLESS how the baby had to come out, she has given birth and fulfilled a purpose. I agree with all the others that believe that you should bask yourself in the joy of knowing that 1) you were able to produce and have a live birth child as there are so many women that are struggling or just simply can not do it and 2) that you have beautiful baby boy that is alive and well. How would you have felt if they didn't do the EMCS and then something happened to the baby or worse, the baby didn't make it? Could you even imagine a day without your baby boy? I'm sure you couldn't.



It angers that people have this perception that because you didn't give birth naturally, it makes you less of a woman. NOT AT ALL ! Birthing is defined as being: the emergence and separation of offspring from the body of the mother NOT when a woman pushes a baby out of her vagina.



I hope all works out well for you and eventually you can get past what it is that you're going thru,

Audrey !

 

[SugarFairy]

Sending you hugs sweetie. I didn't have a c section, I had episotomy and forceps, but I still feel like I lost out on what should have been a wonderful experience. I had a epidural after 12 hours of labour at 7cms dilated. It took another 13 hours for him to arrive. I was totally out of it. The epidural made me sick, light headed, shakey and didn't fully work so was a waste of time. But even before the epidural they made me lie on my back, strapped to monitors - we weren't high risk so there really was no need for this. I won't go on, it was a horrible experience and I wish I'd been in control. At first I thought I was fine, even declined talking it over with my midwife cos I didn't think I needed to, but now I think I'd like to go through it in detail. In the New Year I think I'll be requesting a meeting to go through my notes. I'm hoping it'll help talking to a professional in medical terms. My DH was terribly effected by it all and when he mentions it I get sad, I can't talk to him about it. My BF is on BnB so I know she sometimes reads my posts but still I feel unable to talk to her about it. My Mum has no idea and I don't feel comfortable talking to her about it anyway. But - I'm rambling! Sorry. Just so you know you're not alone. I'm still thinking about mine too x

 

[Lina]

It has been 7 months since my unnecessary emcs, and it feels like it happened yesterday. Never has something affected me like this experience has. The mere mention of anything relating to pregnancy/birth repulses me and causes me great emotional distress. I am not ready to seek help as I struggle to talk without choking with tears. My DH is fed up with my constant lamenting and my mother just says that I should be lucky that I have a healthy thriving baby boy and more or less blames me for ending up in theatre. When, if at all do these feelings go away?

I have had 2 c-sections and am actually looking forward to my 3rd. Sadly, I can't say that I can relate to how you're feeling because I believe that when a woman conceives, carries and nourishes a growing baby for 9 months, REGARDLESS how the baby had to come out, she has given birth and fulfilled a purpose. I agree with all the others that believe that you should bask yourself in the joy of knowing that 1) you were able to produce and have a live birth child as there are so many women that are struggling or just simply can not do it and 2) that you have beautiful baby boy that is alive and well. How would you have felt if they didn't do the EMCS and then something happened to the baby or worse, the baby didn't make it? Could you even imagine a day without your baby boy? I'm sure you couldn't.



It angers that people have this perception that because you didn't give birth naturally, it makes you less of a woman. NOT AT ALL ! Birthing is defined as being: the emergence and separation of offspring from the body of the mother NOT when a woman pushes a baby out of her vagina.



I hope all works out well for you and eventually you can get past what it is that you're going thru,

Audrey !

It is a misconception that just because a woman is unhappy with her birth she must also be unhappy with her child, the two are completely independent and equally important. If you look at the definition of birth it actually refers to the emergence by natural means. Having a healthy baby does not negate my personal feelings regarding my birth. Your post is unhelpful and the reason why many women suffer in silence.

 

[TunechisMom]

It has been 7 months since my unnecessary emcs, and it feels like it happened yesterday. Never has something affected me like this experience has. The mere mention of anything relating to pregnancy/birth repulses me and causes me great emotional distress. I am not ready to seek help as I struggle to talk without choking with tears. My DH is fed up with my constant lamenting and my mother just says that I should be lucky that I have a healthy thriving baby boy and more or less blames me for ending up in theatre. When, if at all do these feelings go away?

I have had 2 c-sections and am actually looking forward to my 3rd. Sadly, I can't say that I can relate to how you're feeling because I believe that when a woman conceives, carries and nourishes a growing baby for 9 months, REGARDLESS how the baby had to come out, she has given birth and fulfilled a purpose. I agree with all the others that believe that you should bask yourself in the joy of knowing that 1) you were able to produce and have a live birth child as there are so many women that are struggling or just simply can not do it and 2) that you have beautiful baby boy that is alive and well. How would you have felt if they didn't do the EMCS and then something happened to the baby or worse, the baby didn't make it? Could you even imagine a day without your baby boy? I'm sure you couldn't.



It angers that people have this perception that because you didn't give birth naturally, it makes you less of a woman. NOT AT ALL ! Birthing is defined as being: the emergence and separation of offspring from the body of the mother NOT when a woman pushes a baby out of her vagina.



I hope all works out well for you and eventually you can get past what it is that you're going thru,

Audrey !

It is a misconception that just because a woman is unhappy with her birth she must also be unhappy with her child, the two are completely independent and equally important. If you look at the definition of birth it actually refers to the emergence by natural means. Having a healthy baby does not negate my personal feelings regarding my birth. Your post is unhelpful and the reason why many women suffer in silence.

GENUINELY, I apologize that my post was unhelpful for you. The two may be independent BUT its easy to assume such when you've spent the last 7 months since giving birth waddling in this issue with the way you brought this baby into the world. I made sure to look at many different definitions before posting and I haven't found one that says anything about natural means but I will keep looking. Its not my purpose to be argumentative and because no two people think alike or act totally the same, its only right that the way I handled my c-sections (the 1st was emergency due to cord being wrapped around my baby's neck and the other was repeat) is different from yours. I was so happy to have my son and for the worries of being pregnant to be over that I didn't even have time to think about the surgery honestly.

Again, I do apologize and being in silence most definitely won't help... Perhaps more time and talking about it without such sensitive persons (such as myself) when it comes to c-sections making women feel less than such or women reveling in depression or feeling like something is wrong with them because they couldn't deliver vaginally voicing their opinion because this is a very touchy subject for me. Perhaps I should stay away from these types of threads because I always end up being overly defensive.

I apologize.

 

[Lina]

It is not that I 'couldn't' delivery naturally, but simply that I wasn't given the time to deliver naturally. In my case it was not a failure to deliver naturally that has so affected me it was the strict hospital timetable policy that dictated my care and robbed me to my detriment. Why do you have the right to be happy about your birth and I cannot be unhappy about mine?

 

[Angel2Fire]

I felt like this for a long time. My little boy is 2 1/2 now. I still wish I had been able to give birth normally and really hope I can with this one.

I used to blame myself a lot, and feel really guilty. I don't really know what to say to help, but I do think its something you can come to terms with eventually.

Good luck and I'm here if you ever want to chat x

 

[chuck]

There are only 17 months between my boys and I never got so much as a twinge in my scar throughout the 2nd pregnancy.

My unhappiness with how the birth centre and hospital were so constrained by policy and time tables made me plan a home birth.

Best thing I ever did, I was in control, I was relaxed and it was awesome. We did go in to hospital but very late on I was at 10cm and baby had turned posterior so I had a rest and be grateful stage...we went because I was bleeding quite heavily so we went in in case it got worse.

I do wish I hadnt gone in, I had no problems at all and birthing my baby vaginally with only gas and air and not a stitch in sight.

Take control, take control of your thoughts and feelings now let them make you stronger down the line and allow your experience teach you about yourself.

No i will never 'get over' my EMCS.

BUT I have got to a point now where I can use it for the better.