Does the anger/jealousy ever go away?

[lilbeanhoping]

So glad I found this!
I've been dealing with this soooo much lately. My lil man is 8mnths old and over the last few months my feelings of jealousy and sadness have gotten worse and worse! Any time I see a pregnant person nearing the end of pregnancy or someone has a baby Or newborn pics it really affects me. I feel so upset I never got those first moments with my son, I never got those newborn pics we had to cancel because he didn't get to come home right away. I get so annoyed with the complaints of just wanting their baby out, being uncomfortable, sleepless nights in the early days. I would give anything to have had those times, I'd trade all the sleepless nights in the world to have a healthy baby and not to have him struggle even now with health issues as a result of being a premie. And I'm so jealous/sad/angry I'll probably never have another baby let alone a term baby.

Ugh thanks for the vent

 

[mamalove]

But your friend had her son ..you had not one but TWO baby girls and that is AMAZING! xx

 

[misspriss]

Well I had some jealousy of my friend from high school who managed to eat healthy and not gain too much weight and basically had what I considered a "perfect" pregnancy. Turns out she delivered her son at 33.5 weeks over the weekend as well. I kind of feel bad for my feelings toward her. I have tried to reach out and offer help to her but we aren't that close and I don't know if she will need anything from me, but having been there so recently I wanted to offer her any help I could.

Her LO weighed more at birth than mine did going home though! He probably won't have as long of a NICU stay, which will be great.

Anyway it did help with the guilt I was feeling though. I always thought maybe if I had weighed less going into pregnancy or ate a better diet or avoided the small amount of caffeine I allowed myself it would have been different. Maybe something I did caused him to be born premature. But now, my friend, who ate super healthy, didn't touch caffeine, didn't gain too much weight, and was SUPER healthy-thin (not thin-thin) had HER baby the same amount early as me...makes me accept the fact that it wasn't something I did or anything.

 

[sunnylove]

So glad I found this!
I've been dealing with this soooo much lately. My lil man is 8mnths old and over the last few months my feelings of jealousy and sadness have gotten worse and worse! Any time I see a pregnant person nearing the end of pregnancy or someone has a baby Or newborn pics it really affects me. I feel so upset I never got those first moments with my son, I never got those newborn pics we had to cancel because he didn't get to come home right away. I get so annoyed with the complaints of just wanting their baby out, being uncomfortable, sleepless nights in the early days. I would give anything to have had those times, I'd trade all the sleepless nights in the world to have a healthy baby and not to have him struggle even now with health issues as a result of being a premie. And I'm so jealous/sad/angry I'll probably never have another baby let alone a term baby.

Ugh thanks for the vent

I struggle a lot with that too. I was planning for this pregnancy to end in a home birth and was dying to have the natural experience. To be able to put him right to my chest after birth, to nurse right away, etc and I've wanted that kind of birth experience for years now, after lots of research and information seeking. So getting an emergency c-section, not being able to see him for over an hour, and not being able to even hold him until he was 5 days old, I don't think it's something I've even remotely come to terms with.

And I probably will never have that kind of birthing experience. If I have another child, it will probably be after having an invasive surgery to keep my cervix closed and I would always have to have a c-section. Some people make comments about how I'm lucky I didn't have to go through a vaginal birth, or that I don't have to worry about taking care of a newborn because I have nurses to do that for me, or that I should "catch up on my sleep when I still can!" and it's like, no. I would die to have any of those things.

 

[lilbeanhoping]

Oh sunny love your experience sounds like mine! Except I wasn'tt set on a home birth, I went in with no plan for the birth because I knew (learned while pregnant) I may not be able to go natural route, that part I was fine with but everything else I was not prepared for or expecting at all.
I drive past the hospital he was born at everyday and it doesn't help things, just triggers all the bad memories/feelings etc.