Does Your Husband Feel like a Failure?

[Nayla82]

Hi Ladies, I dont know whats come over my Husband? Would just like to know do your husbands feel the same?

We had a failed ICSI not long ago (Male Factor) He was my rock and ready to start ASAP and kept telling me it is not the end of the world!

Last few days all he has been doing is crying? Saying hes a failure and that he's Sorry, and if we are Really Bad people for God to punish us?? Hes really really heartbroken I think the icing on the cake was the new neighbours moved in filling their garden with slides and swings, and within Minutes she was walking up on the down the the Road (tiny road, everyone can see everyone ) with a beautiful Little girl in her arms... Thats almost everyone on our street now with a baby/child... he told me everytime i see her it will be a daily reminder! I told him not at all! our time will come soon

He's a broken man I hate seeing him like this. I hope its just a bad day.

 

[Quaver]

I've told my DH (also male factor), that ICSI takes all the male problems out, and is up to my eggies and uterus whether this works or not.

Can't cope with stressed out DH while on IVF, and I know DH quite well by now
I'm having my first ICSI ER on Wednesday, and only told DH that I'll be having GA yesterday He freaked out at my mc op, and he's so scared of mcs it's amazing I've also told him there's more possibility of mcs with IVF, as the embryos are just placed there, so can fall off easily Better prepare him now.

DH prefers being childless to mcs

So long as your DH is not a Googleholic, I think a little white lie won't hurt.
After all, it could have been your eggies/uterus's fault.

 

[Nayla82]

I think my Husbands emotions are beyond the fact that we had a Failed ICSI last Month (which did of course hurt deeply ) I just know he's feeling very sad and haunted that were undergoing this WHOLE journey due to a sperm problem? and all he does his blame himself his diet? lifestyle? etc etc? he Slipped a few discs in his back in October and the FS said that could have indeed effected his results dramatically and almost ALL our Mutual friends are either pregnant and with Kids..... Many times I wish the problem is with me, to ease his pain and guilt.. I told him at least WE KNOW what the problem is and were in the process of fixing it..... (he bottles up his emotions way too much!) I feel hes been trying to put on a strong/macho act for the past few weeks and the cracks are beginning to show on how he feels. (I love him so so much and never do i blame him for this... its just one of those unfortunate things that life has thrown at us and we have to deal with it)

In regards ICSI Failing 'due to my eggies or uterus's Fault' I wish indeed I can tell my husband it was MY FAULT! and it didnt Implant due to a bad egg or a damaged Uterus, What makes it all so FRUSTRATING the Fertility specialist told me, both Uterus and Embryos were text book standard could not ask for better, and even gave us a 70% chance if it working... When it Failed her exact words 'was very bad luck' and NOTHING even in our last Consultation can pinpoint what went wrong? Its all in the Lords hands I guess, and sometimes theres somethings in life that just dont have a solid answer and is beyond control of any top Doctors.

Good Luck for Wednesday I hope this Cycle works well for you.

 

[dreamofabean]

My dh feels very guilty that we are having to do Icsi because of his 'lazy' sperm. I think it's just the powerless feeling they have that although it's 'their' problem, it's us that have to go through it all. I never personally consider a problem mine or his, it's ours but you know what men are like. I feel an element is just hurt male pride. That along with seeing how much it hurts us.
Life just decides to throw curved balls though, nothing anyone can do. Just keep trying and know that when it does happen it'll be even more precious xx

 

[Lainey27]

Nayla, I know how your DH feels. In our case, the problem lies with me, and not DH. I have blocked tubes and endo - so having to go down the IVF road is my fault. I can't even begin to tell you how that feels - when we found out this was the problem, I kind of felt betrayed by my body if that makes any sense? I couldnt believe it - I eat well, dont smoke, rarely drink, exercise 5 days a week, and am healthy and a normal weight and BMI. I felt trapped (and still do feel this way) in a body that doesnt work properly. I dont think it is something that I will ever be able to forget, even if we are lucky enough to get a BFP. We had our first go at IVF and had our first BFN 2 weeks ago. I had a perfect textbook response - good number of healthy eggs, and had 2 grade 1 embies put back - but they didnt stick. I know that the BFN wasnt my fault, but deep down I cant help but wonder if it was. . My DH is fantastic, and I am so lucky to have him. He is very reassuring and so caring. But when it's you who has the problem, it is so hard. So I know exactly how your DH feels.

 

[Nayla82]

Oh lainey your post brought a tear to my eyes it's still very early days i so hope and pray that you get over this very very painful time... On Wednesday will be exactly 1Month since our failed IVF/ICSI I will be lying if I said i don't dwell and cry about it, i do have my days but i promise you it gets a little bit better with time
I totally understand when you feel that you have been betrayed by your body, everyone around you says it's perfect than when it's a no, your mind goes into overdrive what possibly went wrong it's scary,

I popped in last week for a scan and now there's a 5cm cyst on my right ovary caused by the stimming drugs, which can take up to 8 weeks to clear i just feel also my body wants to start doing things life can be so cruel What makes it frustrating I know women that are obese smoke drink and every thing goes to plan, than theres us healthy ones that have to go down this heartbreaking journey.....

I hope you can be easy on yourself, i keep saying to my husband regardless of who's side it's from we have to get through this, this isn't a blame game we have to be strong and move forward. Also i heard many successful ivf with cycle 2' I hope we fall into that category, (if you want a chat please feel free to PM me xx)

Dream of a bean- i totally agree its a mans pride that hurts the most, i went to my appointments had the jabs and scans and like you said, this was our problem and it never crossed my mind this is your fault, i was just happy that we have a solution to the problem and were doing something about it i have so much love to given to my unborn baby, they will definitely be special on so many levels

Stay strong for yourselves and your husbands, love to you all xx

 

[dreamofabean]

Lainey you also made me well up, sending you lots of love xx

 

[Lainey27]

Nayla and dreamofabean - thank you so much for your kind words and support - it really means a lot

 

[faithbabies]

not to be the pity partier of the group lol but tell your hubby to be thankful he has sperm at all!! my hubby is infertile due to a genetic condition called Klinefelter's which also causes moodiness/depression/etc and he is SO hard on himself because he has no sperm and we have to use a sperm donor....it's like a double whammy because he is infertile and the condition makes him more sensitive/moody.....so things could always be worse than you think.

hope everyone here gets their miracle soon...i know God is just getting the package "just right"