Does your LO say they are the other gender?

[Eleanor ace]

My DS is 3.5. For a little while now he has occasionally been saying he's a girl. For example he'll say "when I'm a big girl..." and I'll explain that when he is bigger he'll be a big boy, because little boys grow into big boys, to which he'll reply "yes but I'm a girl". I'm not sure that he has much concept of gender, for example I asked him what girls are like and he said "rough, because Sara is a girl and she's rough"; he doesn't have an idea in his head about what makes girls and boys different I don't think, although he can visually identify girls/boys and men/women. Today he told me a couple of times that he's a girl and when I asked him how he knows he's a girl he said "because I just know I am".
I'm wondering whether this is normal for children of this age? I'm not going to rush off and get him started with gender reassignment if not and I know that he is still so little and young children say and do all sorts of things which they grow out of (my brother was an invisible ballerina for 6 months when he was little... he isn't now ) but I also want to make sure that I'm not dismissing what he's saying if it isn't something most children say.

 

[skypink.mommy]

Hi there! My son says he's a boy he is the same age as yours...but I on the other hand, when I was 4 1/2 I used to say I was a boy, I remember having my hair cut really short and wanted to wear boy clothes and play like one of the boys, but at the same time inside I knew I was a girl, at age 5 or closer to six I completely grew out of it, I am very feminine now and would never want to be a boy, I'm too girly for that...so it could be a phase, but don't completely disregard his feelings, try to play along (my parents did) and watch if he grows out of it . I have a cousin .... He always would say he was a girl, would like to watch princess's movies and put jewelry on, unlike me he never grew it out, he is a she now , fully transgender and his parents sadly shunned him and made him feel inadequate and unloved, please don't ever do that ! It's very sad. Like I said earlier, just kind of see how it goes. There is many pages on google with support and information , he may be transgender , if he feels he is a girl trapped in a boys body. My thoughts are with you

 

[minties]

Thomas has never said he was a girl and would probably have a tantrum if anyone suggested so. Same with Sophie and being a girl. Might be some sort of sibling thing with them (thinking the other gender is not desirable as they think their sibling is "stupid").

Thomas says he will grow up to be a daddy. Sophie says she will grow up to be a mummy and have boobies (lol).

 

[hattiehippo]

Yes my DS used to insist he would be a lady when he grew up. Once he realised he couldn't just be a girl he came up with a whole story about how boys grow up to be men and then turn into ladies afterwards!

By the time he was 4 1\2 he accepted that he was a boy and now he knows he will be a man and not have a baby in his tummy because only ladies do that.

I think it takes quite a long time for children to fully get the idea of what sex they are and what that means, long after they can identify men and women from each other.

 

[FAB mama]

Hi there! My son says he's a boy he is the same age as yours...but I on the other hand, when I was 4 1/2 I used to say I was a boy, I remember having my hair cut really short and wanted to wear boy clothes and play like one of the boys, but at the same time inside I knew I was a girl, at age 5 or closer to six I completely grew out of it, I am very feminine now and would never want to be a boy, I'm too girly for that...so it could be a phase, but don't completely disregard his feelings, try to play along (my parents did) and watch if he grows out of it . I have a cousin .... He always would say he was a girl, would like to watch princess's movies and put jewelry on, unlike me he never grew it out, he is a she now , fully transgender and his parents sadly shunned him and made him feel inadequate and unloved, please don't ever do that ! It's very sad. Like I said earlier, just kind of see how it goes. There is many pages on google with support and information , he may be transgender , if he feels he is a girl trapped in a boys body. My thoughts are with you

My son is really too young to have any clue (that I know of) yet… but I can say that I also wanted to wear boy clothes sometimes and be a tomboy for a few years. I've never been extremely girly with clothes and such, but I think it was all because I had an older brother and I was always trying to play with him and his friends. I do not want to be a boy.

He may just be confused. You have a daughter right? So maybe he hears you tell her she'll be a big girl? It could be a transgender issue, but it could be nothing! Either way I agree you should just be supportive and loving (not to suggest that you wouldn't be!).

 

[Eleanor ace]

Hi there! My son says he's a boy he is the same age as yours...but I on the other hand, when I was 4 1/2 I used to say I was a boy, I remember having my hair cut really short and wanted to wear boy clothes and play like one of the boys, but at the same time inside I knew I was a girl, at age 5 or closer to six I completely grew out of it, I am very feminine now and would never want to be a boy, I'm too girly for that...so it could be a phase, but don't completely disregard his feelings, try to play along (my parents did) and watch if he grows out of it . I have a cousin .... He always would say he was a girl, would like to watch princess's movies and put jewelry on, unlike me he never grew it out, he is a she now , fully transgender and his parents sadly shunned him and made him feel inadequate and unloved, please don't ever do that ! It's very sad. Like I said earlier, just kind of see how it goes. There is many pages on google with support and information , he may be transgender , if he feels he is a girl trapped in a boys body. My thoughts are with you

I'm so sorry your cousin has been treated like that, I can't imagine how hurtful it must be to be shunned just for wanting to be who you truly are . I hope her parents come around. If my DS (or other children) does express that he is a girl when he is older and able to understand and express that we would fully support him.

He doesn't act like a girl, he is boisterous and I've had many "typical boy!" comments about him. We don't really do gender stereotypes- the children play with whatever toys they want and wear what they want; his favourite toys are cars, trains, Lego, and anything he can smash. He isn't fussed about clothes but doesn't express a desire to wear "girly" clothes like his sister does. But obviously not all girls are "girly", so if he is a girl he could be a tomboy!
Just to clarify, I'm definitely not jumping to conclusions and assuming he is transgender, that isn't something I would ever decide as obviously he is the only one who know who he is!

 

[seoj]

I think it's normal- my LO will still say "I'm a boy" sometimes. But then she turns it into a game... and she'll list us all out like "daddy is a girl", "mommy is a girl", "sissy is a boy"-- then when I ask again, she'll switch it up.

Like you said, you support him no matter what anyway

 

[StaceyKor]

I think it's normal- my LO will still say "I'm a boy" sometimes. But then she turns it into a game... and she'll list us all out like "daddy is a girl", "mommy is a girl", "sissy is a boy"-- then when I ask again, she'll switch it up.

Like you said, you support him no matter what anyway

DD1 does exactly the same. Likes to say daddy is a girl, mummy is a boy, Sienna is a boy etc. She knows exactly what gender people are but finds it hilarious to say the opposite x

 

[Zephram]

I think gender can be a tenuous concept when they're young. I really wouldn't worry about it! My niece who is nearly 4 says her dad is a girl and everyone is a girl. My LO and I have barely talked about gender so I really wouldn't have a clue what he thinks.

 

[minties]

The kids have a cousin who insists everyone is a boy - he's five.

 

[AngelofTroy]

I was such a tomboy when I was little that I remember insisting I would only name children names that were gender neutral so they could choose! My best friend was called Jo(anna) and I was SO jealous she could go by a boy's name!! I thought my parents were pretty hateful for not considering my tomboy needs when they named me Helen..

 

[MoonLove]

My daughter is the same age as your son, and she knows she is a girl because she knows 'good girl' and such sayings.

She knows the difference between boys and girls from nursery, she understands when i talk about the 'baby boy' in my tummy.

Yet if her Daddy finishes his dinner, or puts the washing away, she'll say 'good girl daddy'

 

[SarahBear]

Violet doesn't call herself a girl or a boy. She calls herself a baby. Before this phase started, she called herself a kid. She once called herself a woman. She's a bit young to really get the idea of boys versus girls. She does tend to correctly use the word "lady" though. She doesn't often talk about men though. Sometimes kids like something about the opposite sex or are curious about the opposite sex. Other times they idolize someone of the other sex. For these reasons, and probably others, they might say they ARE the opposite sex. It doesn't mean anything at this point and most boys for whom the phase sticks (So, I'm not including boys for whom this is a passing phase), turn out to be gay, not transgendered.

 

[SarahBear]

I was such a tomboy when I was little that I remember insisting I would only name children names that were gender neutral so they could choose! My best friend was called Jo(anna) and I was SO jealous she could go by a boy's name!! I thought my parents were pretty hateful for not considering my tomboy needs when they named me Helen..

I like the idea of gender neutral names, but I don't really much care for most gender neutral names... I've mentioned a couple to my husband that I thought were decent, but he didn't like them. So gendered names it is!

 

[HBGirl]

I think its too early to be concerned but you are an awesome mom!

 

[lola_90]

My son says 'I'm a lady too' but he's 27 months. I'm not sure what to suggest but I remember being four and trying to Sellotape my vagina so I could make a penis like my brothers!!

 

[annanouska]

Lola that's so funny sorry

I remember being in primary so maybe 6 ish and telling everyone I was a boy? No idea why just did! It sounds like just a random phase like they go through

My son has no concept of gender at all so I'm not there yet but I'd say not make a big deal of it. Just affirm he is a boy and maybe if he ants to pretend at a girl dress up etc I'd personally let him. My mil is very weird around boys having girl things,meet girls can have boy things!nshes very closed in her thinking and very homophobic I find it rerally upsetting as she is under,I ing me and pushes it on my son. Thankfully he's delayed and does what he wants so doesn't understand. He loves princess dresses that's as far as his gender neutral play goes.

I do work with a male to female transgender she says she was around 8/9 when she felt different and it didn't go away. She's done a lot of work on this subject with people and generally suggests to just be open with your kids and let them talk to you about anything and everything which is pretty good general parenting I think. What her parents put her though was awful and messed her up more than being transgender!

 

[petite ping]

My DD1 is just over 2 and she once asked me if she was a boy and if her little sister was a boy and if mommy was a boy .

I explained that she was a girl and so on and that daddy was a boy. I could almost see the wheels turning in her head while she digested all that.

I explained that girls have kikis and boys have zizzis (french baby talk - not my language but the nanny's). That she had a kiki like mommy and daddy had a zizzi. So off she ran off to her dad and asked him why he didn't have a kiki. You should have seen his face.