"Don't bring him up as a white baby" - Rant

[whoknowsx]

as a mum of a beautiful mixed race daughter, I bring her up to be herself, she is not aware of her skin tone, and I will do my best to make sure it never becomes an issue for her.

^ this!

While this is all fine and dandy I cant help but feel that we are living in a fake utopian of a world. Skin tone limits alot in society and pretending like it doesn't will only make her skin tone that much MORE of an issue.

I think that this man definitely came at OP with the wrong attitude and arrogance but his desire that the child also knows that he is black, and perhaps is abreast with the culture and history of what that means is not wrong. It's not racism for a child to be raised to know both cultures. As long as his skin has a bit more color than his family he will be deemed different and other. So while loving him is good, it's simply not enough in this racist white-hierarchy of a world.

It depends where you live.

I am mixed race (half black, half white) and I've never been disadvantaged for it. I grew up in London, and a very mixed part, so maybe that's why.

There is nothing wrong with knowing your history, where your ancestors come from as that is part of who you are but it doesn't define you because you are not them and your experiences are not going to be the same.

When people make these kinds of statements (not yours, the thread title) their concern is not so much education about history, being black it's more about fulfilling a stereotype of what it means to be either black or white. Which is nonsense, the child is not more black or white that he needs to be told "you're black" or "you're white". In my opinion race doesn't hold such importance that you need to constantly remind your child of their race, and teach them that it makes them different from everyone else when there is so much more people share in common than where their parents or ancestors come from.

I totally agree with everything you said. My point was just that the father wanted the child to know the other side of his history (and by history I do not mean stereotypes). I was not saying this should define who the child is at all but I didn't think it was an unfair request.

 

[TattiesMum]

I totally agree with everything you said. My point was just that the father wanted the child to know the other side of his history (and by history I do not mean stereotypes). I was not saying this should define who the child is at all but I didn't think it was an unfair request.

I get what you are saying ... that any child who's parents come from different cultural backgrounds should be given the chance (if possible) to be exposed to both cultures ... which could apply just as much to a child with, say, one English parent and one Italian.

In this case it's kind of irrelevant - there IS no comforting Barbadian GreatGrandma or extended family waiting to fill him with lore and family history There is only FOB's white mother, her extended family and his mixed race siblings, who have no contact with their fathers either.

FOB's idea of being 'black' owes more to modern urban stereotypes than it does racial heritage in it's true sense and as Kaylum himself merely looks slightly tanned ... he's no darker than I am (I'm part Italian), and has completely straight hair.... I doubt that racism is going to play a big part in his life (unless someone like his FOB introduces it ) .... particularly in the town where we live as mixed relationships (and thus mixed race children) are perfectly normal and everyday

 

[WantingABubba]

I totally agree with everything you said. My point was just that the father wanted the child to know the other side of his history (and by history I do not mean stereotypes). I was not saying this should define who the child is at all but I didn't think it was an unfair request.

I get what you are saying ... that any child who's parents come from different cultural backgrounds should be given the chance (if possible) to be exposed to both cultures ... which could apply just as much to a child with, say, one English parent and one Italian.

In this case it's kind of irrelevant - there IS no comforting Barbadian GreatGrandma or extended family waiting to fill him with lore and family history There is only FOB's white mother, her extended family and his mixed race siblings, who have no contact with their fathers either.

FOB's idea of being 'black' owes more to modern urban stereotypes than it does racial heritage in it's true sense and as Kaylum himself merely looks slightly tanned ... he's no darker than I am (I'm part Italian), and has completely straight hair.... I doubt that racism is going to play a big part in his life (unless someone like his FOB introduces it ) .... particularly in the town where we live as mixed relationships (and thus mixed race children) are perfectly normal and everyday

He sounds gorgeous! I, myself, am curious as to what my bubba's gonna look like. I'm hoping for tanned skin, curly blondish/brown hair and blue/green/hazel eyes, but I probably won't get that

They may even look completely white! You never know what you're gonna get with biracial children, let alone with multiracial/second gen mixed children.

I love genes

 

[TattiesMum]

He is gorgeous

You're right though - genes are a funny thing ... I have a friend who's 2 children are also 1/4 Barbadian and who are both white to the point of looking anaemic and another who's husband is Sri Lankan and who's 2 daughters are identical apart from skin and hair tone ... one is blonde and burns in the tiniest bit of sun and the other is dark skinned with black hair.

 

[WantingABubba]

He is gorgeous

You're right though - genes are a funny thing ... I have a friend who's 2 children are also 1/4 Barbadian and who are both white to the point of looking anaemic and another who's husband is Sri Lankan and who's 2 daughters are identical apart from skin and hair tone ... one is blonde and burns in the tiniest bit of sun and the other is dark skinned with black hair.

Sounds all so exciting and interesting