Don't understand what is happening

[Welshcob]

Has anyone else been here? Because I don't know what is happening and whether I am dumb... and not just getting it that hes left me?
Me and the other half planned this baby! Its happened and now I am pregnant. I am so happy about it, so I don't regret a second. But when it happened my BF looked just shocked! and then progressively withdrew from me ( we live appart) Just shut me out and stopped contacting me. He said he was depressed...but I don't think he was now! I kept trying to lift his spirits and I wondered why he would be depressed, he has his health, a baby coming and me! Two weeks passed and no word and not one moment to ask me how I was. So I figured he was doing a runner! But no communication was what was doing my head in. Then he said to come over and talk. But I think it turned out he was playing games with me again! He cancelled once at no notice.. I was OK with that, but despite how ill I felt he just insisted I drive all over the place after him. So he told me to come over another time and I went. But when I got there he just blanked me totally - like I did not exist. He went off to have a shower ignoring me...and when he came down he said he did not feel like talking now! and told me to get out! Thats just treating me like crap and for no reason other than that I got pregnant. I was really angry. I said he has to talk! He said he would when he felt like it. and stared at me with eyes full of hate and poison! Anyway I left and I haven't heard anything since from him. I texted to let him know about my scan and see if he wanted to go. But I haven't heard one thing since. I can't quite get my head around how he goes from saying he loves me to staring at me with eyes full of hate. Totally out of no where....but unfortunately thats not the first time hes done it. But the prospect of doing this on my own is so scary. Do you think he might come around? What hurts me more is he goes to visit his friends Ed and Lisa who have just had a baby and he bought them a present and he won't even talk to me or seem to care two hoots for his own baby! Will he come around??
If he doesn't I feel like at least telling his Mom and Dad they have another grandchild..because it would lose out on all its aunts, cousins and uncles. Lost and upset!!!!!

 

[xarlenex]

It does sound like he may just be freaking out at the prospect of being a dad. But that doesn't give him the right to treat you the way he has. To be honest, it will be incredibly hard but i'd not text or call him. If he doesn't bother geting in touch, then you and your baby will be far better off without him.

You feel like you can't do this on your own right now, but you can. Plenty of women do, we're strong that way

xx

 

[babystar]

 

[TJ79]

First of all my dear I just wanted to offer you my congratulations on being pregnant with your baby, and for having the courage to tackle such a difficult situation while remaining calm.

I'm afraid it does sound as if there is a block of some sort from his side. However, I couldn't say whether it is a parting of ways or in fact shock from the realisation that he will be responsible for a little life, a tiny and fully dependent human being. The anger in his eyes could simply be anger at himself for not feeling sure of himself when previously he believed that he would feel great at this wonderful news.

Often I hear of men who felt disappointed in themselves for not feeling the way they expected, and as a result withdrew from their partners as they didn't want to say things the wrong way and risk hurt or upset. They find the whole pregnancy side of things quite scary as there really isn't much that they can do (in their mind) to help, or they lack the knowledge of how to support their partner, or they feel they do not have the suitable qualities to look after their child.

I thoroughly recommend books: A Bloke's Guide To Pregnancy by Jon Smith and The New Dad's Survival Guide by Scott Mactavish.

If it is the latter reason then he may find these extremely helpful. However if it is a parting of ways, then please know that we are all here for you, ready to support you in any way we can.

In either case, I wish you the very best of everything, and lots of hugs, too!
Tania xx

 

[mz_jackie86]

He sounds like a very scared guy to me!

But hun in no ur prob freaking out now about doing this alone possibly but you will get through it! Its hard enough dealing with pregnancy on ur own let alone having to deal with maybe breaking up with someone and him acting so strange!

Just try and take each day as it comes, dont go running around after him and let him know that the way he is acting isnt goin to get him anywhere!!

I hope things work out for you??? xx

 

[Welshcob]

Guys, I guess I got my answer yesterday! I am def a single mum now and he obviously hates my guts. Remember that this came out of no where. Just him stopping communicating. I got a call yesterday from the police and he had me arrested for our meeting on the 22nd, when I am afraid I slapped him after he pushed me over. He clearly planned it by anagonising me and had it all recorded. I really think that that is the saddest low life thing to do. I obviously don't make a habit of slapping and am not saying it is right. But I have been under so much pressure and being treated that way - where he called me over to talk and then completely ignored me...just was too much. I know what his aim was and that is to make me suffer as much as he can. He'd be hoping I lose my job as he knows if I have any trouble with the police I would lose it. I received a caution and that may be enough for me to lose my job. I am so sorry but I cannot understand that sick man. I'm not saying that because I am being nasty, I really mean hes dangerously sick. This is not normal behaviour and I have been texting as you know...to invite him to the last scan...I guess that there is absolutely no point doing this going forward. I don't think I will hear from him till baby is born and he can use it as a weapon to attack me and to accuse me of awful things. I am also worried me might do something to induce a miscarriage. I have been advised to see a solicitor. How awful I feel. I never wanted this! I only wanted a loving partner and father. Now I am being forced into this. But I have to remember that this is not about me...its about the baby.

 

[DizzyMoo]

Awww hunny your 1st post sounded just like i was reading my life, My boyf & i planned this baby too & he just slowly stopped talking,ringing,coming to see me etc. In the last 5wks i've seen him for around 8 hours on 1 day I've heard nothing from him since wednesday so i text saying at least i know where i stand now. He completely ignored my last 2 texts & text me half hour ago to ask i deleted my fb account & was i ok?
So to say i'm confused is an under statement.

I have my 1st scan week a monday & i'm not pestering or asking about his intentions any more. I'll be going on my own with my 3 1/2 yr old son , unless by some miracle the boyf suddenly changes his attitude & moves in this week.

I cant believe he had you arrested for that though, To do something like that is so very low that i would make it well known exactly why you slapped him & that you would do it again for the hurt & hassle he's caused you. Hard as it is cut off your ties with him now, change your number if you have too hun. Easier said than done i know but you will begin to feel so much better not having his shit to put up with .

Hope you are ok x

 

[tinkabells]

Awww love, i hope your ok, he seems a weirdo if he does something like that, you dont need him in your life with you and baby on the way xxx

 

[Eiroze]

Try to stay Calm, A caution is hardly anything and I doubt he will ever be able to use it against you as he pushed you down when pregnant.

I would suggest cutting him out completely - I know of a couple like this and they will pick at anything to destroy people's lives. He sounds like this. The only way to avoid it is to start fresh and keep away from him. Don't give him any more ammo.

At least once the baby is born he won't be on the birth certificate as unmarried fathers have to be at the registry and I doubt you're going to invite him along

Also - don't worry about m/c - I was under a phenominal amount of stress in my first tri and my midwife told me, it does not affect the baby at all.

Look after you and your LO now - it seems he's only going to bring stress and you don't need it.

Do you have the support of family/friends? xx

 

[Welshcob]

Thank you so much everyone! Its tough, but 100 times better knowing I have babe coming! Roll on 12 weeks!! Hugs to you all. May need you to kick me up the butt in future if I get all sad and soppy!

 

[Landingmach3]

I am so sorry hun. If you ever need to talk, know that we are all here for you whenever you need us. We're single moms too, and we can help you through this as much as possible. Hugs and just keep remembering you still have that beautiful baby on the way, whether your boy is around or not. In the birthing room you won't even think of him as you push your LO out : ) I promise!!!! xoxoxoxoxo