Don't want FOB at 20 week scan??

[dustbunny]

My ex kicked up a fuss about not going to the first scan and at the time I said he could come to the second scan. However since then things have changed. He hasn't contacted me with regards to the baby at all [except a photo of an apple 2 weeks after the baby was apple size - if that makes sense] or how the baby is doing and no longer asks me how I am etc etc. I found out yesterday that the baby is a girl because my mum paid for a private scan and he didn't ask about going or anything and when I told him he simply said he had managed to break the male gender pattern in his family, making it all about him even when I enquired as to what he meant. He didn't even seem excited, just accepting.

I have broached the concept on money with him on 3 seperate occasions, the first he said "yeh yeh, I have looked into all that and he'd think about it" and that was the end of that conversation. The second time he wanted me to tell him as a I bought stuff and I was basically silly for asking? And the third time was that he didn't want to talk about it now but closer to the time?!

Aside from this he has never asked me about the baby, never said he has been excited or even if he is excited. I hear it from his mother but never from him. He hasn't even mentioned the 20 week scan to me but the other day I got a text saying "Sam is looking forward to the 20 week scan" from his mother. Surely if he was excited or something he would of told me?
Long story short I have grown tired of him not being bothered and saying he doesn't want to talk about money and that he will "pay what he can" which is his way of trying to get out of it.

Unless I actively go out my way to contact him he just doesn't bother, unless it is to tell me he is horny.

So, in short, I don't really want to keep trying and getting him involved or invite him to the scan when he wont involve himself and it keeps upsetting me. Also he just seems, from the way his mum informs me of his "excitement" that he is owed everything. Is that OK?

Views really appreciated.

 

[Laura2919]

Does he pay his mother to be a PA? If not tell her to take a hike. I am sure if he was really excited he would text himself. It sounds very much like she is doing it to keep you onside thinking he may get excited. If he was excited surely he would contact you himself.

Just dont invite him, send him a pic after and when they ask why he wasnt invited you say 'well nobody contacted me apart from to say he is so excited' lol

 

[dustbunny]

Thank you. I have a nasty habit to deciding something and then feeling bad/sorry for him and changing my mind to do all the chasing. I've just had enough! But to hear someone not related to me agree makes me feel so much better. I really appreciate your feedback, thank you!

 

[NuKe]

hi I'm not a single mum but I felt compelled to post here. From reading your post it seems to me that he may be trying to be all "manly" etc. yano, "REAL men dont get all soppy and excited" kind of attitude? If it was me, I would let him come to the scan but afterwards make it clear how you feel. I think if he comes it might give him a kick up the arse and make him realise that this is happening!! Perhaps he's in denial a bit? Hope I haven't blabbed on too much.

 

[dustbunny]

hi I'm not a single mum but I felt compelled to post here. From reading your post it seems to me that he may be trying to be all "manly" etc. yano, "REAL men dont get all soppy and excited" kind of attitude? If it was me, I would let him come to the scan but afterwards make it clear how you feel. I think if he comes it might give him a kick up the arse and make him realise that this is happening!! Perhaps he's in denial a bit? Hope I haven't blabbed on too much.

Oh don't worry, I appreciate your feedback. But I don't think he knows what a real man is. We had a BIG heart to heart about a month ago where he said he would man up and be upfront and honest... and he just does not give any input at all. It is all from his mum [she even helps write the couple emails I got when we first broke up]. He was really emotive prior to breaking up, even verging on over emotional. He was only concerned in getting me back and even through that never mentioned the baby. I gave him the scan photos from the first scan and he didn't even look at them when I handed them to him or thank me... for days, until I brought it up and then he thanked me.
Please don't get me wrong, I do appreciate your views but to be honest, the more I think on it the more I have had enough.

 

[Mally01]

Hunny I think you should just send the one occasional message when required about information on the baby and nothing else.If he wishes to behave in a nonchalant manner about his baby and the birth of his baby,then give him the same personal treatment. I actually feel like I never want to contact my ex again about the baby or tell him I have a scan next week as it will only upset me when he doesn't respond to that. Not once has he ever contacted me to say 'how is the baby? or 'how are you' I think it will be a case of sending him a pic of the baby when its born saying 'this is your child'.

It could be a case of 'seeing is believing' with your FOB i.e the pregnancy is surreal to him as there is nothing to show for it. I am sure a large amount of FOB's feel like they can't be arsed with any of it until LO is born, which is really a huge mistake as the damage has been done to the Mother way before then during the vunerable stages of pregnancy when support is greatly needed.

I say give him what he wants, if he shows no interest in things then give him nothing to be interested about. If he calls you in three months saying 'whaaat's going on with the baby, you haven't contacted me about anything' remind him that if he wishes to know anything, he can pick up the phone and bloody well call you himself otherwise he can stick a flag up his bum

 

[NuKe]

hi I'm not a single mum but I felt compelled to post here. From reading your post it seems to me that he may be trying to be all "manly" etc. yano, "REAL men dont get all soppy and excited" kind of attitude? If it was me, I would let him come to the scan but afterwards make it clear how you feel. I think if he comes it might give him a kick up the arse and make him realise that this is happening!! Perhaps he's in denial a bit? Hope I haven't blabbed on too much.

Oh don't worry, I appreciate your feedback. But I don't think he knows what a real man is. We had a BIG heart to heart about a month ago where he said he would man up and be upfront and honest... and he just does not give any input at all. It is all from his mum [she even helps write the couple emails I got when we first broke up]. He was really emotive prior to breaking up, even verging on over emotional. He was only concerned in getting me back and even through that never mentioned the baby. I gave him the scan photos from the first scan and he didn't even look at them when I handed them to him or thank me... for days, until I brought it up and then he thanked me.
Please don't get me wrong, I do appreciate your views but to be honest, the more I think on it the more I have had enough.

frig me, his mum helped him write the emails?

he does sound like hes really detatched from it! have u spoken to his mum about his behaviour?

 

[dustbunny]

hi I'm not a single mum but I felt compelled to post here. From reading your post it seems to me that he may be trying to be all "manly" etc. yano, "REAL men dont get all soppy and excited" kind of attitude? If it was me, I would let him come to the scan but afterwards make it clear how you feel. I think if he comes it might give him a kick up the arse and make him realise that this is happening!! Perhaps he's in denial a bit? Hope I haven't blabbed on too much.

Oh don't worry, I appreciate your feedback. But I don't think he knows what a real man is. We had a BIG heart to heart about a month ago where he said he would man up and be upfront and honest... and he just does not give any input at all. It is all from his mum [she even helps write the couple emails I got when we first broke up]. He was really emotive prior to breaking up, even verging on over emotional. He was only concerned in getting me back and even through that never mentioned the baby. I gave him the scan photos from the first scan and he didn't even look at them when I handed them to him or thank me... for days, until I brought it up and then he thanked me.
Please don't get me wrong, I do appreciate your views but to be honest, the more I think on it the more I have had enough.

frig me, his mum helped him write the emails?

he does sound like hes really detatched from it! have u spoken to his mum about his behaviour?

I have tried to but she naturally sticks up for him. Apparently he didn't know whether to text me or not to text me etc etc etc... When I have spoken to his mum I have said it would be nice for him to at least txt to which she says "I have told him to text you tomorrow"... Umm?!?! What!!

That was prior to our massive chat in which he promised to man up... needless to say he hasn't but has found the time to go to festivals and on nights out. Giving his mate £500 and spending nearly £600 on a DSLR.

I blocked his number from my phone after he said he didn't want to chat about the money [or anything else]. It is only for a couple weeks until I upgrade my phone and get a new number so not a permanent thing. I did wonder if he would realise but needless to say I know he won't. He can still contact me through facebook... again, he hasn't. I am tempted to delete him off of there too. I'm just so fed up of him.

 

[Mally01]

Well he certainly sounds like a right Mummy's boy if she is making decisions for him like that and telling him what to do, no wonder he is messing you about if he has learnt that Mummy will sort things out.

You'll be okay hun, do whatever it takes to make yourself feel relaxed and not stressed about him and this will be good for you and the baby. I already feel better now that my ex has disappeared and we haven't contacted each other in days.There is less crying and fretting and angry outbursts from me over his actions and that is good overall for the baby.

 

[dustbunny]

Deleted last post due to too much ranting... but on an exciting front... I am a week further along than predicted!! Will look to changing my ticker!! xx