down in the dumps

[cco]

so I think I ovulated yesterday. We BD the 2 days before O and were going to BD yesterday (the day of O) but my DH got stage fright. We tried twice yesterday and both times nothing! This isn't the first time this has happened and it is so frustrating! I understand that he feels pressure and blah blah blah but we don't have time to waste! So now I think that even though we did BD two days before that we don't have a chance this month. Sorry to go on and on but I am feeling so down today and it makes me feel a little better venting it out. I can't even look at my DH without feeling hurt. Has anyone else had these feelings of resentment towards their DH during this time? All of this is really starting to take its toll on me and I am just not wanting to do this month after month after month anymore. I get my hopes up every single month only to be let down in the end

 

[dachsundmom]

 

[crystal443]

 

[kDean]

Didn't want to read and run. It'll happen sweetie. Hugs and good luck

 

[readyformore]

Yep, I have btdt.
Not the same exact problem, but let's just say, I'm not going to get pregnant when the sperm is on the sheets instead of inside the vagina.
I cried for 2 hours straight that night. Actually, it felt better after crying. I think I needed it.

 

[futurephotos]

Hi,
My story for the last few days isn't quite the same, but i have similar feelings because of it. There was no stage fright because Dh didn't even want to be on stage! I get how you feel in not being able to BD when you know you should be. I'm afraid we'll miss the egg because he simply wasn't in the mood and didn't even want to attempt it. I'm sure if we would have pushed it the result would have been the same as yours. Being turned down is frustrating too. At least if he would have tried (even if the attempt was a failure) I wouldn't have felt like he didn't want a baby too. Him saying no to sex hurt my feelings. More so when it was twice in a row.

 

[Ch74_rod]

You are not alone! And you're right it so hard to go through it month and month, with no end in sight. I can already picture my month ahead. Anxiously planning my days in the lead up to 'O' day so I can monitor DP's mood, work schedule and activities for BD. Exhausted myself - but putting up a 'show', all in an attempt to make it seem exciting (LOL) just so he 'gets in the mood', just so a) he wants to do it and b) he doesn't get strage fright.

Then inevitably it ends up on the sheets, he doesn't want to do it or he gets performance anxiety. I start crying like a raving lunatic, He walks off in bewildered disgust and it's hurt feelings all over the place.

Then when all the stars align and we successfully manage to BD during all the right days - I anxiously chew half my finger nails off, monitor every aspect of my bodily fluids, aches and pains - all to be disappointed when AF makes her presence known...

And the vicious cycle begins again...over and over again.

I feel like I am the only one who wants this to happen - I feel like I am carrying the weight of my dreams on the one hand, whilst trying to massage their ego's and needs on the other. It's so exhausting!

But it is stories like this & other women like you - to make me feel 'normal' in my fears and anxiety. I know I'm not alone because of you...so thanks xxx

 

[40yearoldmum]

CH74
Well said,
Its drives me mad after an 18 day, to make my self look attractive and play on how horny I am just to get the times action, when I feel totally unhorny really not in the mood myself. I too feel the whole stage fright thing and don't like turning it on to order so its never really very good and because the whole fertile window is quite 'active' we can't really be asked to do it when it is for fun.

 

[futurephotos]

It is really hard to get any action going when it feels like such a chore. I'm not always in the mood either, but I still try to initiate things when it's the right time. It seems like we haven't had sex just for the pleasure of it for a long time - if we were doing it that way, we'd never end up doing it when I'm fertile. I guess that's why I don't really believe in NTNP because the chances are so slim even when purposefully ttc - if we had no awareness of when I can get pregnant, then we'd never have timing close to that window of opportunity.

 

[Sus09]

I am with you ladies, It is hard when BD turns into a chore and not fun

It is difficult to get my OH motivated to have some action when he feels it is a chore and specially because I am always fertil mid-week when we are both in work

NTNP can be hard as some of you say, at it is very difficult to time fertile days with BD, however I do have to say that in the past I never got pregnant when trying. I did get pregnant when I got to the stage of giving up and just BD for fun...

I always thougth it was because NTNP reduced the stress levels of monitoring ov, getting pregnat etc...

Why is it so difficult though? the most natural thing in the world to have a baby?!?!?

Anyway, lots of to you ladies! We are all on the same boat and thinking positive, in few months time we will all be sharing al lthe good news

 

[GmansMom]

Hi,
My story for the last few days isn't quite the same, but i have similar feelings because of it. There was no stage fright because Dh didn't even want to be on stage! I get how you feel in not being able to BD when you know you should be. I'm afraid we'll miss the egg because he simply wasn't in the mood and didn't even want to attempt it. I'm sure if we would have pushed it the result would have been the same as yours. Being turned down is frustrating too. At least if he would have tried (even if the attempt was a failure) I wouldn't have felt like he didn't want a baby too. Him saying no to sex hurt my feelings. More so when it was twice in a row.

This! This is my life!

You are not alone. It is so frustrating. I hate being down in the dumps AND feeling resentful towards DH at the same time!

 

[pdmcd17]

hon i think so many of us can relate at some point or another

i know my oh has been having finishing issues lately, i had to slow down so know we bd every other to 2 days except when ov
granted this month i didnt' track so it was just fun

i found it so frustrating when he couldn't finish i questioned if it was me and it hurt. not tracking and relaxing about it has really helped me this month and i think me relaxing took the stress off him and things have improved.

good luck

 

[Cypress]

Hi - as pdmcd17 said, I think many of us have been in a similar situation.

As to the general issue of the ongoing pressures of continual BDing, there are so many factors that can cause trouble - tiredness, stress, other things on our minds, other things going on in life, the potential for boredom and a feeling of the act being mechanical and devoid of fun, pressure on him (and the very real physical difficulty of needing to perform repeatedly, on demand), pressure we feel in terms of wanting so much to be preggers and the loud ticking of that damn biological clock. Etc etc. It's no wonder that it's not always perfect, and each month brings its own challenges. All we can do is our best, and the same for our OHs, we can't ask for or expect anything more than that, so please go easy on yourself and each other.

As for the second issue in your post regarding this month in particular, you say you BDed on the days before O - so I definitely don't think you should beat yourself up, or your OH, as that is a perfectly acceptable amount of BDing, and is enough in itself for conception to take place. I've read many places that the two days before O have just as much potential for conception as O-day. I've often heard it suggested that you should try to BD every second day throughout the month to make sure you don't miss the 'fertile window', in case of any problems with OPKs. Fertility Friend website says the following about when is the best time to BD, so I think you're def ok for this month:

"Your theoretical fertile window is six days long, comprised of the five days before ovulation and the day of ovulation. You only have a chance to conceive when you have intercourse on these days. This means that pregnancy is technically possible from intercourse on any of these six days. The likelihood of actually becoming pregnant, however, is dramatically increased when you have intercourse in the three days immediately leading up to and including ovulation. This makes a practical fertile window of just three days.
For conception purposes, it is thus ideal to have intercourse during the three day fertile window which includes your ovulation day and the two previous days. In a recent analysis of 119,398 charts from women charting with Fertility Friend, we found that 94% of women who became pregnant had intercourse on at least one of these three days."

 

[StarSign]

Hi - as pdmcd17 said, I think many of us have been in a similar situation.

As to the general issue of the ongoing pressures of continual BDing, there are so many factors that can cause trouble - tiredness, stress, other things on our minds, other things going on in life, the potential for boredom and a feeling of the act being mechanical and devoid of fun, pressure on him (and the very real physical difficulty of needing to perform repeatedly, on demand), pressure we feel in terms of wanting so much to be preggers and the loud ticking of that damn biological clock. Etc etc. It's no wonder that it's not always perfect, and each month brings its own challenges. All we can do is our best, and the same for our OHs, we can't ask for or expect anything more than that.

As for the second issue in your post regarding this month in particular, you say you BDed on the days before O - so I definitely don't think you should beat yourself up, or your OH, as that is a perfectly acceptable amount of BDing, and is enough in itself for conception to take place. I've read many places that the two days before O have just as much potential for conception as O-day. I've often heard it suggested that you should try to BD every second day throughout the month to make sure you don't miss the 'fertile window', in case of any problems with OPKs. Fertility Friend website says the following about when is the best time to BD, so I think you're def ok for this month:

"Your theoretical fertile window is six days long, comprised of the five days before ovulation and the day of ovulation. You only have a chance to conceive when you have intercourse on these days. This means that pregnancy is technically possible from intercourse on any of these six days. The likelihood of actually becoming pregnant, however, is dramatically increased when you have intercourse in the three days immediately leading up to and including ovulation. This makes a practical fertile window of just three days.
For conception purposes, it is thus ideal to have intercourse during the three day fertile window which includes your ovulation day and the two previous days. In a recent analysis of 119,398 charts from women charting with Fertility Friend, we found that 94% of women who became pregnant had intercourse on at least one of these three days."

Hi there...you're due for journal updates Anyways, had you heard of using wheatgrass to combat high FSH? I know you were going for the IVF attempt. I feel that'll really help you. Get the "good stuff" that doesn't have mold in it. The ones at the juice shops are suseptible, but the ones at chains like Whole Foods have "clean" supplies.

 

[antiradiatio]

Not the same exact problem, but let's just say, I'm not going to get pregnant when the sperm is on the sheets instead of inside the vagina. I cried for 2 hours straight that night. You may consult from your physician.