Dreading breastfeeding *warning: self-pity*

[the why bird]

Apologies in advance for the length.

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and I'm already dreading breastfeeding. We had a really hard time of it, and to be honest I remember almost nothing of my daughter's first few months apart from exhaustion and despair.

My daughter wasn't allowed to feed for 5 hours after birth (for some medical test) and by the time she was, she wasn't interested. We never got that early latch or skin to skin. In the hospital we had to syringe feed her though she did eventually latch on.

She had thrush at 11 days and I got it in my nipples. Ouch. Turns out the lanolin I was using to soothe cracked nipples was making it worse by holding in heat and moisture.

Every feed was painful from start to finish. Turns out she had tongue tie. It meant she was basically chewing on me. She was a messy eater and always gassy because of it, and she found feeds really frustrating and would cry all the time. The earliest appointment we could get to fix it was 5 weeks. It fixed the pain for me, but it made things worse for her. It was as though she was so used to feeding with the tongue tie she couldn't or wouldn't adapt. She started refusing feeds and screaming every time she was brought near the breast. I couldn't calm her at all, had to be daddy.

I was expressing with a crappy hand pump which was slow and uncomfortable. In retrospect I should've bought a decent pump right away but at that point I was convinced I'd get her back on the boob.

By seven weeks she had stopped breastfeeding at all. I was advised by various people to just take the bottles away so that she was hungry - she went almost a full day without eating before I decided they could stuff themselves. I had constant skin to skin, carried her in a sling. Tried every position, tried feeding in the bath, on the move, when she was half asleep, when she was wide awake, after she had an ounce from the bottle to take the edge off, when she seemed hungry and when she didn't. She did not want the boob.

I saw three different lactation consultants and went to breastfeeding groups. Some people would come in with latching problems but they all seemed solved within a week and we made no progress. I tried different types of nipples shields and even a supplemental nursing system in case she was frustrated by the slow flow of the breast. I have huge boobs which made positioning all this stuff difficult and there's no way I could have done it in public. Nothing worked. One good thing that did happen was hiring a hospital pump.

My supply would plummet if I went more than three hours without pumping or pumped less than 10 times a day - I was drinking and eating all the things they suggest and taking domperidone for this too. My baby woke every two hours to feed at night and usually I had no extra milk saved up, so I would feed, pump, lie down and she would be crying again. My husband tried to help but he was working and it seemed so pointless for him to be up every two hours when I needed to get up and pump that often anyway. For weeks on end I never got more than 45 mins consecutive sleep. I was constantly crying or walking round like a zombie. Going further than the supermarket was out of the question because of our schedule. I may have had PPD, but I don't know for sure.

She had breastmilk exclusively until we introduced solids and by seven months I had to add formula too because I couldn't keep up. At nine months I got a horrible infection in my nipple and had to stop feeding for the treatment.

I feel like I owe it to baby number 2 to breastfeed but I dread going through this again to the point that it makes me weepy just thinking about it. I see mothers breastfeeding outside and I want to cry because I don't think I'll ever do that. I feel guilt already and I haven't even started yet. I read threads with people saying it's so much easier after X weeks and feel so jealous. And if I need to express again, I don't know how I can devote that much time while caring for a toddler as well.

Sorry about the novel length rant. I don't know what I'm hoping for, really, I just needed to get it out.

 

[Jayneypops]

Dont put yourself under any pressure and try to go with the flow. The only thing your baby cares about is that they have a full tummy, clean bum, warm bed and lots of love. I know the "breast is best" stuff and have been breastfeeding myself for 2 weeks although its wearing me down, but honestly, the best thing you can do for your baby is to be happy. They pick up on stress and especially if you get tense and anxious before a feed they will sense it. Do what feels RIGHT for you once your LO is here.

 

[missk1989]

Count it as experience and be on guard for these issues. You know your last lo had a tongue tie so get this one checked at the hospital, they may even deal with it before you leave. Providing this lo does not need medical tests then get that skin to skin straight away. Get familiar with all the support groups in your area and the proffesionals who can help and just be prepared. Get a decent pump if you want to and just be ready. every baby is different and you may find that this time round you have no problems at all.

 

[MrsWatson]

Big Hugs x

I'm dreading it too, with my first, I only bf for 1 week, as I had short nipples and couldn't get her to latch, looking back I know I could have perservered but I was so upset and depressed that I gave up.

I now feel that I have another chance to try again (I'm 22 weeks) and I'm trying to research as much as possible, but the more I research, the more I read about numerous problems, and begin to think to myself why don't I just not bother.

I spoke to a good friend the other day, and she just said, remember that every baby, and every pregnancy is different. I'm hoping for a completely different experience next time round, I hope you do too

 

[lau86]

I had a horrible experience at first with my eldest, again he had tongue tie, thrush and mastitis twice. I can relate to so much of what you said. It sounds like you tried everything.
My second has been soooo easy it's brilliant. None of the problems. What I would say to you is don't worry about it, you may have a great experience this time. If you don't, please don't beat yourself up. You will have two kids to worry about then and priorities are different. I didn't have the time to sit around bfing for hours with my second, if it hadn't worked out I would've switched with no guilt, something I wouldn't have been able to do with my first. Good luck

 

[Flake-y]

Gosh, that really does sound like an awful time with your first!

I've trained as a BF helper & have done lots of research about BFing, & there's a lot of research out there showing that a delay between birth & the first feed & skin to skin can seriously affect BFing in the long term. Unfortunately it seems that a lot of hospitals & midwives don't prioritise this, I actually had to ask my midwife if I could feed my LO after he was born & for this baby I'm not going to give them an option, unless there's a serious problem after birth then I'll be having immediate BFing.

I wouldn't think too much about it, just try to get skin to skin & latching on as soon as possible after birth then wake baby at least every 3 hours for the first few days, always offer both sides. Take it one feed at a time & don't set yourself any goals! And remember, any breastmilk is better than none, even if you only BF for a short time there are still massive benefits.

Good luck!

 

[Kay_Baby]

Sorry you had such an awful time. My first had an undiagnosed tounge tie. Once I had given him one bottle, I couldn't not feed a hungry baby, he would not take the breast again. I only managed to pump until 6 weeks old before I gave up as the amount of formula was greater than the amount of breast milk I was feeding him so amazingly well done to you.

As a result of last time I was more prepared this time for issues and to demand help but I have had no problems this time I haven't even had sore nipples so a bad first experience really doesn't mean issues with the second.

 

[lau86]

Gosh, that really does sound like an awful time with your first!

I've trained as a BF helper & have done lots of research about BFing, & there's a lot of research out there showing that a delay between birth & the first feed & skin to skin can seriously affect BFing in the long term. Unfortunately it seems that a lot of hospitals & midwives don't prioritise this, I actually had to ask my midwife if I could feed my LO after he was born & for this baby I'm not going to give them an option, unless there's a serious problem after birth then I'll be having immediate BFing.

I wouldn't think too much about it, just try to get skin to skin & latching on as soon as possible after birth then wake baby at least every 3 hours for the first few days, always offer both sides. Take it one feed at a time & don't set yourself any goals! And remember, any breastmilk is better than none, even if you only BF for a short time there are still massive benefits.

Good luck!

This is really interesting and true for me. I was separated from my first for about an hour while I went to theatre to have my tears stitched under spinal. My second was with me the whole time.... They should try and find a way for mums and babies to stay together

 

[Flake-y]

Gosh, that really does sound like an awful time with your first!

I've trained as a BF helper & have done lots of research about BFing, & there's a lot of research out there showing that a delay between birth & the first feed & skin to skin can seriously affect BFing in the long term. Unfortunately it seems that a lot of hospitals & midwives don't prioritise this, I actually had to ask my midwife if I could feed my LO after he was born & for this baby I'm not going to give them an option, unless there's a serious problem after birth then I'll be having immediate BFing.

I wouldn't think too much about it, just try to get skin to skin & latching on as soon as possible after birth then wake baby at least every 3 hours for the first few days, always offer both sides. Take it one feed at a time & don't set yourself any goals! And remember, any breastmilk is better than none, even if you only BF for a short time there are still massive benefits.

Good luck!

This is really interesting and true for me. I was separated from my first for about an hour while I went to theatre to have my tears stitched under spinal. My second was with me the whole time.... They should try and find a way for mums and babies to stay together

I agree. It seems strange that MWs go on about BFing while you're pregnant but when you actually give birth they don't seem to know what should be done or how to resolve any problems. They are very understaffed of course which doesn't help.

I suppose educating mums about the importance of immediate feeding will help but some of my friends have had to fight for this which is ridiculous!

It really annoys me.

 

[Mrs Bee]

Big hugs to you Hun, sounds like it was very stressful the first time round.... But each baby is different and it may go very well this time around....all the best xxxx

 

[irish_cob]

My first daughter was tongue tied, she couldn't latch at all, we had to use nipple shields, and when she was 4 weeks I was hospitalised, I pumped for a few days but then I needed medication that wasn't compatible with bfing so at 5 weeks she went onto bottles and was formula fed from then on.

I was really worried with my second daughter, worried she would be tongue tied, it would be a nightmare again etc. I bought nipple shields and syringes (for syringe feeding) and a breast pump and bottles and formula, I convinced myself it would all be a complete disaster but actually it was fine. I have never needed the nipple shields or the syringes. Ella's fed well from day 1, apparently she is ever so slightly tongue tied but it's not enough to affect anything. I've not had sore or cracked or bleeding nipples or anything like that. I've not had thrush or mastitis. I'm actually quite amazed how easy and straightforward it's been. I knew a lot after my experience with my oldest though, I knew about good latches and positioning and to expect marathon feeding sessions etc. But it was really so much different this time round, and you may find exactly the same thing too

 

[the why bird]

Thank you all for replying. It's so encouraging to hear that so many of you had good experiences second time around.

I do hope I can get that immediate skin to skin this time. Obviously the c section couldn't be helped but the test she needed after birth was one I was on the fence about to begin with, and was then delayed for four hours hence the reason the first feed was so late. It was supposed to be a five minute procedure.

 

[Foogirl]

I'm sceptical about the research on immediate skin to skin. There may well be a conclusion drawn that doesn't stem from cause and effect. Babies without immediate skin to skin generally are that way for a reason, and usually because of a medical issue with the baby or the mother and it is that issue which causes the BFing problems and not the lack of immediate skin to skin. It is far more likely it was the tongue tie which cause the majority of the problems and not the lack of skin to skin. Having heard the experience of many parents with babies in neonatal units where skin to skin can be delayed by weeks rather than hours and still result in successful long therm BFing, these stories are the rule rather than the exception. It was also that way for me. I didn't breastfeed for six weeks, but went on to so it for 18 months. Those in that situation who don't BF long term generally do it because of their own choice or because of medical issues rather than because of a problem with latching etc. It actually can be quite detrimental for NNICU mums to keep hearing that missing those first precious moments with LO has damaged things like bonding and BFIng.

That said, I do understand when there has been an issue with the first one, there can be a huge concern with the second and the first advice I would give is to relax. It will either work, or it won't. Being stressed may well cause more problems so take a deep breath, remind yourself that although it is great it isn't the end of the world, and that if you miss the first skin to skin and the first feed is a hit or a miss, just try again a wee bit later. I also hear from plenty of mums who have the first skin to skin but for whom the first couple of feeds are a disaster. Look for things like the tongue tie and have them dealt with ASAP. But don't put too much pressure on you. As long as LO is fed, it doesn't matter a whole lot how.