driving myself nuts :( sorry its a bt long

[LoolaBear]

took another test early hours of the morning as i had a huge wee in my bladder and it had been help for about 6 hours and within a minute i saw the faintest of lines and it stayed there as well, it is that faint that you literally could only just see it, ive got perfect 20/20 vision so i knew i could see it.
then this afternoon caved again and the same thing, within a minute the faintest of the faintest lines popped up.
ive got this feeling that i know im pregnant but i keep getting cramps i had cramps at 7dpo, then again last night at 10dpo and ive got them now, also ive got constant lower back ache, its only dull but its there all the time. going by last month i had nothing right up until two days before af was due and then got cramping, then spotting the day after the cramps then the day after spotting af showed. the same the month before, cramping two days before af arrived, spotting the day before then af the day after. no cramping before 2 days before my period due so the cramping at 7dpo and 10dpo has really confused me as well.
argh i just really want to cry as i feel pregnant but everythings (at the moment) pointing to not being pregnant.
argh why do i do this to myself sorry for the rant guys im just feeling super emotional today, bad night last night and then with these two tests
think if it doesnt happen this month i might just take some time out for myself and concentrate on getting fitter again after the slump over christmas and new years then concentrating on the wedding, that way maybe when we start trying again in a couple of months it will help out. things have jsut taken a down hill turn for me since loosing my angel in sept. xx

 

[ellie27]

Sorry, dont know much about your history and whats been going on etc, but you have done a couple of tests and they are positive .....sounds to me like you are pregnant so why are you so down??

It sounds like this is your lucky month?

You have said you have cramps as if thats a bad thing.....there are loads ladies on here who would think its bad if they have no cramps at all......we always are going to worry.

Fingers crossed things work out this month!

 

[LoolaBear]

i cant say whether they are positive or not though, they looked it to me but i have had this in the past and turned out to be nasty evaps and it wasnt even on IC. so im down as im in limbo as i feel it but everything so far is pointing to not as i dont trust the lines i have had so far as i have had them like this before and not been pregnant.
the cramps are getting to me as i nevber used to have them between ov and af before i lost my angel (lost at 17 weeks) and since then my cycle has changed so i dont even know if these cramps are a good sign or not. cramps used to be a good sign for me but since loosing my angel ive been getting cramps before af is due when i used to only get them on second day of af.
i thinks its more the am i arent i what does this mean what does that mean what the hell is going on with my body kinda thing thats getting to me (im also bipolar so things affect me in a different way to most) its the confusion and i just wish my body would be how it was before loosing my baby as i knew it then but now i dont, i feel alienated from my own body, its like its had a personality transplant

thank you for your reply though

 

[lovie]

Hi lola bear, Im so sorry to hear you are going through a tough time, it must be really hard to feel alienated from your body, I'm so sorry for your loss. I really hope that you get a stronger BFP as the days go on, im Xing my fingers that your cramps are just a little beanie making itself cosy.

 

[Soili]

FX it's real positives! You sure sound like a pregnant hormonal lady though! And I mean it in a very good way!

I was thinking same thing as you today though. If this month is not the one, then I'll take a break from actively TTC and focus on getting myself in shape in the next few months.

 

[LoolaBear]

FX it's real positives! You sure sound like a pregnant hormonal lady though! And I mean it in a very good way!

I was thinking same thing as you today though. If this month is not the one, then I'll take a break from actively TTC and focus on getting myself in shape in the next few months.

its strange to think that if i am out this month i will be taking a break is a good thing, i am actually looking forward to it if i am out as i wont be looking for anything so things like all these symptoms wont crop up lol it doesnt help with the days feeling like they are taking weeks to pass but to be honest now that i have got it out and written it down (dont moan to DH about it as he already thinks im a complete wack job!) i feel better now ive had a rant about it. i like that about bnb, even if no one replies at least you have somewhere to rant about something without people in RL thinking youve got a screw loose. xx