ED? No Idea...

[StarlitHome]

So my husband and I are blessed with our gorgeous daughter, but we both agree that she shouldn't be an only child.

We've been NTNP for 5 cycles now (although honestly I have timed our "doing it" to my most fertile days), but nothing has happened.
That might not seem like a big deal - but I know why nothing has happened.
Despite baby-dancing on fertile days - I'd say 75-80% of the time all we've done has been for naught because he's not finishing.

It's hugely embarrassing for him and he only very recently actually talked about it.

He's 30 - just turned - and otherwise fairly healthy. He takes a blood pressure medication and a men's multi vitamin. He's not under more stress at work or anything.

I want another baby - badly. And I know he does too.

Any hints, tips, ideas? I've heard a few things mentioned like maca, horny goat weed....

 

[ShanaLynn]

He might just feel the pressure of "doing it" and get stressed out. Like a few years ago my husband and I were TTC (then we had to quit) and after a while he just felt to pressured to actually get the job done that it just didn't happen. He knows how badly you want a baby and it is probably making work way to hard for something that should be fun. My advise (and I need to take my own advise) lol is try to spice things up in the bedroom. Don't do the same old stuff. Switch positions or something. My first thought is that it is just nerves though. Cause it happened to my husband. Everyone just needs to not be stressed.

 

[Lara310809]

I have no idea aout the medical side - was he like this before you were NTNP again? it could be the pressure of trying to get pregnant again, even though you're only NTNP. Also have you done the whole date/dinner/one-on-one time beforehand to help him relax?

 

[StarlitHome]

I have no idea aout the medical side - was he like this before you were NTNP again? it could be the pressure of trying to get pregnant again, even though you're only NTNP. Also have you done the whole date/dinner/one-on-one time beforehand to help him relax?

When we were TTC our first, he did go through a short time of feeling pressured and so I made sure to back off from talking about getting pregnant, etc. And we relaxed and we got pregnant.

This time, it's something more. It's something that is literally stopping him from doing it in the middle of doing it.
He is older now, he's had some health problems. He's taking a blood pressure medication which I am going to look into.

Sex is usually pretty spontaneous for us, basically when our toddler goes to bed at a good time and he's not engrossed in whatever project he's working on, we'll probably go for it. I don't turn it into a big deal - I've never told him "I'm ovulating we gotta do it now" or anything like that.

 

[Lara310809]

Perhaps some wind-down time beforehand is important. I don't know whether you leave time before sex after he finishes working on his projects etc. I'd also look into the medication he's on, and ask him about any stresses in case that's the reason. Men can be standoffish about this sort of thing though, so it might be hard for him to talk about with you; but perhaps just make the suggestion that it could be med/stress related. Also if he's not getting enough quality sleep that could make things worse. I hope you get it sorted soon.

 

[wantb502]

I am not a cardio nurse (i am a neurology nurse) but one of the main complaints I hear from my patients is of ED with blood pressure medication. Diuretics and beta blockers are notorious for causing impotence issues. If this is new since the medication, he should talk with his Primary care doc and see if they can find an alternative. 80% of men stop taking BP meds because of this side effect. Good luck!

 

[StarlitHome]

Thanks for reading and making suggestions, everyone who did.

We've been talking more about this and this isn't a stress problem or a too-much-pressure problem.
This is a legit mechanical problem. We're not sure what the problem is medically but it's a problem he's been having since he was a teenager and it's progressively gotten worse. He has talked to more than one doctor about it, had tests on his nervous system, other tests in other areas. They can't figure out what the problem is but it's obvious there is one!

I wasn't aware till basically this week that this has really been going on for such a long time.

But the important thing is that we're talking and together on this now and he's not dealing with it alone.

 

[wantb502]

Hope you guys figure out what the issue is. There is a nervous system disorder called dysautonomia. I would look into it escpecially if he has disregulation with his blood pressure, ed, and other things like slow digestion or gastroparesis, and neuropathy. At such a young age, it could be a hereditary issue. But this my neurology kicking in! Best of luck!

 

[Lara310809]

Glad you're on the road to figuring it out, and I'm glad he's talking more about it