Email from his Dad

[xarlenex]

So, I recieved this email yesterday..


hey i know i said to you id be emailing you soon and im sorry its taken this long....

i dont mean to be an arsehole ya know, i just feel like iv lost everything ya know....ma old life, my son and you and you can turn to me and say iv only lost you and thats all good but thats not how i feel. i mean everyday i think about you and how we coiuld have been a family together and i think about all the things we were gonna do as a family and now all i think about is how all those things we were gonna do as a family arent gonna happen. like the weans first holiday and the weans first christmas....i just wish you were still mine. everythin i see reminds me of you like if im gettin a lift to coatbridge n i pass the football fields ill remember those summer days when me n you used to walk roxie when she was a pup ya know. i honestly cant get you off my mind. i will always be there for kyle but i just wish i could be there for kyle with you. i miss you sooo much, i miss the way that when i used to stay over and had to sleep in the back room you would shower in the morning and come into the back room and put your cold hands on me or drag your wet haior across me n wake me up and when i did wake up youd be sittin there smiling at me with a cup of tea in your hand for me or the or the way you would wear pyjamma shorts and then pyjamma bottoms over them but they would always hang below your left hip but over your right. ya know ? i miss that. i miss the days you told me you loved me and i knew you meant it, i just miss you and i know id do anythin and everythin to get you back. im soooo hurt that you thought it was a bad idea to take me on the weans first holiday and never invited me i mean you only had to live with the decision but i have to live with the fact that i missed it and some guy who had only met the wean twice got to share that with him. i just wish i could go back in time and i woulda treated you sooo much better i miss you so much and every day that goes by kills me a lil more. im gonna go now cos im getting myself upset and this emails really gonna change nothin so im gonna go. text me, email me or dont reply to this its up to you. i love you so much and always will and you know that.
i love you to the stars and back...and ill love you forever and a day x

I'm just gonna verify..I never took some random on holiday with me and Kyle. It was my new partner, a weekend in Paris and he hadn't only met him twice. Anyway..I hate when he does this. It makes me feel like crap! I feel horrible, but I didn't love him anymore. I tried to fix things, SO MUCH when we were together. And when I'd said my bit, about how I thought things weren't working, he's say NOTHIN! Then maybe go play with Kyle, or his computer if Kyle was sleeping. Then i'd try again when we were in bed at night, just us to, knowing he cant go anywere..but he'd fall asleep!! Now i'm in tears, lying beside him trying to fix things, and hed be snoring away! So many nights I cried myself to sleep, lying right beside him. I didn't wanna live like that anymore. I told him several times before I split with him that I was falling out of love, and he done nothing, a guess he didn't take it seriously.

Kind of just a rant here. Although he has him 2 nights a week, when he says things like that in the email, I just feel terrible for spliting Kyle and his Dad up.

 

[Pyrrhic]

God, that would have broken my heart, it sounds very genuine.

However, like you say he's had plenty of chances, and it's too little too late. I would be honest with him, and tell him what you've typed here about trying to fix it, and lying awake at night crying. If you don't love him anymore then thats the end of it really, but hopefully you can at least get on with one another if he's started opening up and being honest.

 

[xarlenex]

I've told him, but he isn't willing to let go. He said since we split he's realised were he went wrong, what he should have been doing and all his mistakes. But, its a shame it took us to split before he realised that. I feel like im throwing away the chance of having a proper family.

 

[x-amy-x]

Its not fair that he's still putting you through this, he had his chances

xx

 

[sam's mum]

I agree that it's not fair he's putting you through that, although it does sound as if he's just genuinely telling you how he feels and not doing it to make you feel guilty or because he thinks it'll make a difference. I agree with rafwife - I'd email back and remind him of all you did to try and fix things. You're not splitting up Kyle and his dad though - you haven't taken Kyle away from him x

 

[Mummy&bump]

ye hun if the feelings not there anymore then u cnt help it, u cant make ur heart feel something it doesnt want to!
Thats the trouble and bad point is that most of us dont realise what we hav until its gone, and this is him prob jus realising tht what he had is now gone!

xx

 

[brownhairedmom]

I'd e-mail back too and be like "Okay, here's why we aren't together." and then see how it goes.

 

[FierceAngel]

hugs hun xx

at the end of the day if you dont love him you cant be with him.. it would be worse for you to live arguing etc and spilt wen lil one was older... you cant take him back out of sympathy or guilt...

you cant feel guilty for splitting him from his son especially if he is having regular overnight contact many fathers dont get this,...

xxxx

 

[Serene123]

Yeah, I'd email back and remind him of all the BAD points of your relationship. So what you walked a dog together, he ignored your feelings, never tried to fix things, and you cried yourself to sleep on nights he would ignore you!

That probably makes no sense. I'm soooo tired!! x

 

[Wobbles]

God, that would have broken my heart, it sounds very genuine.

Mine too

Gosh hun don't know what to say clearly this guy is hurting and I guess somewhere in your own life he needs you to understand that and not punish him for loving you as deep as that - Not that I'm saying you do but ouch

not easy knowing how you feel compared to him Im sure x

 

[nikky0907]

It's not really fair that he is making you feel guilty about thing. If you don't love him, there is no point. You can e-mail him back that he didn't lose Kyle, he is still in his life, he is still his dad and he should enjoy his time with him.

 

[Wobbles]

Yeah, I'd email back and remind him of all the BAD points of your relationship. So what you walked a dog together, he ignored your feelings, never tried to fix things, and you cried yourself to sleep on nights he would ignore you!

That probably makes no sense. I'm soooo tired!! x

Wow yer kick him in the balls when hes down! Those little things like walking the dog can mean a lot so can the fact he actually hurts over the love for his child rather than what some do ...turn their backs and don't give a hoot!

From someone whos just learnt everything is never perfect, forgiveness and second chances!

Arlene I'm not saying you should give second chances but pesonally the father of my child I would at least hold some respect for and I think you do going on posts I've read you just don't love him which hurts and it must hurt to admit it (for both of you)...maybe that will help him move on sometimes saying it/writing a letter helps even through the tears and to the person you feel this way about nomatter what it is. I hope one day he finds happiness again but I wouldn't shoot him down like Toria suggests because he hurts over those first moments and times it just to me shows he has a heart and pure love for his baby boy.

 

[polo_princess]

I agree he does sound very genuine and that must be hard for you.

He's clearly hurting and needs to let his feelings out and i know its not very fair on you having to be the one who hears it but i think you at least owe it to him to try and listen, after all he is Kyles father.

 

[taperjeangirl]

Aw it's a tough one doll, I remember all the stuff he put you through
If you no longer love him then you can't force yourself to, and it's not your fault you split up, you gave him plenty of chances.
Maybe just let him know that you have moved on, and that you want him to be there for Kyle as much as he wants....

Hope things get better xxxx

 

[Moulder86]

I don't know what to say but I didn't want to read and run! I think Wobbs and many others are right though he obviously needs to get his feelings out and sometimes writing a letter/email ect to the person who you want to hear it helps. It can't be easy to hear it, it's just unfortunate that he didn't realise all these things whilst you were together.



xx

 

[xarlenex]

Thanks girls. I've been so understanding, I should have said in the first post, he's also on anti-depressants just since we split. Well he's meant to be but hes decided that the day he lets medication make him feel better will be the day hes 'lost the fight'..so he isn't taking him. I've tried to be there for him, I wanted to still do things together with Kyle, as friends. Like, we went swimming the other week, all 3 of us. But he's decided hes not quite ready for things like that, which is completely fine.

I don't often get angry with him, because I know he has no one to talk to. His mum's been on anti-depressants before and the most support shes given him since we split is shouting at him, telling him i'm not worth it, tellin him to get over it and stop mopping around. Not once has she asked him if he wanted a hug, or wanted to talk.

He knows that ANYTIME he wants to see the wean, throughout the week, if its not when hes staying over, then I'll do what I can to make it happen. Alot of the time it'd involve seeing me,which he doesn't feel he can cope with.

We spoke on the phone and he said he doesn't wanna argue anymore. He's said this before though, so i'll see how long it lasts. He said sorry for draggin my self confidence down when we were together, which he did. But,I didnt fully realise until lately. He said everytime he see's me I look so much happier, and much better. And when he see's photos on bebo from nights out he can see im a happier person so he's going to try his best to let go.

 

[sam's mum]

Must be so hard for both of you. It sounds like he loves you enough to want you to be happy whether that's with or without him in your life, and that says a lot for him. He's lucky to have you being so understanding and Kyle's lucky to have a dad who cares so much. I'm sure in time it'll be easier for him to see Kyle with you there too...I hope it doesn't take too long x

 

[Ratty]

If you know in your head that its not going to work and you don't want to be with him then its something he needs to learn to deal with. All you can do is be understanding and try your best to make sure you don't give him false hope (without being mean of course).

You don't have to feel guilty about taking Kyle away from him. You are being extremely fair about giving him time to see Kyle. I think it is much more important for a kid to spend quality time with each parent when they are happy than to be in an unhappy family environment.

 

[Cariad_bach]

God, that would have broken my heart, it sounds very genuine.

Mine too

Yep an me

Aww hun im sorry ... i left my ex husband and he tried all of that kind of emotional blackmail (but we didnt have kids) ... remembering all the good thing , i was shocked about what he rememberd ... but it didnt take away the fact that we just didnt work together!

Im sending you hugs hun because its a impossible situation xxxx

 

[dollygirlie]

guys are bloomin hardwork, he seems geniune enough in the email, and maybe he does feel all those things, but guys don't change their spots, if you have tried to put things right so many times, there is obviously a blind spot that the guy isn't seeing, and its just too exhausting to try and put it right, I know how it feels as I am going through the same, sometimes you have to be hard and make a brutal decision, like someone said above email back and tell him why it won't work and what you have done to make it right, he will probably email back with a lot of excuses, as he sounds at a desperate end. If you are with a new guy then he has to butt out, he had his chance now he has to move on, if it didn't work before it won't now. Good luck, hope some resolve and peace comes to your mind