Etiquette question

[victoria1987]

My Grandmother and I are very close, my mother was not very involved in my childhood so my Grandma played a very large part in raising me. My issue comes that she would spend inordinate amounts of money on me and our new baby if allowed. She does have the means to do so but she is already throwing and paying for my baby shower (along with my step-mother), has purchased a number of expensive "big ticket" items for baby and wants to take me baby clothes shopping next month. I know that she will spend far too much. She says it makes her happy to spoil me and this is her first great-grandchild but I don't want to put her into a position of hardship! I feel badly when she spends so much money on me, but there is no arguing with her lol!

I very much appreciate it and I get that she feels she has worked all her life so that one day she can pass it all on to her family, yet I still feel guilty.

I did not feel so badly when I was a uni student and on my own that she wanted to buy my books, new clothes ect. But I am now married, own my own home, husband makes decent money, I guess it doesn't feel right.... I suppose I am rambling, but I think you get the point. I don't want to take advantage of her generosity and I don't want her to put herself out at my expense.

How do I reign in Granny's generosity in a gentle and tactful manner?

 

[Pixiedust22]

Will she actually spend enough to put her in hardship? It's possible she has complete control of the situation and is not intending to spend more than she can afford. I understand it feels uncomfortable for you, but if this is something that will really make her happy (unless of course she actually can't afford it!) maybe you should let her?

 

[NotNic]

My mum still constantly buys for my son. To be honest its a massive help. Financially we do okay, but adjusting to one salary while I was on mat leave was tough and her purchases helped us from feeling squeezed. To be honest I think you should gratefully accept. It sounds like she is very excited about the baby, and if financially she is able, then allow her to help. I found once my son was here, I was able to tell my mum that we had everything which calmed her purchases down a little, and then she'd ask what he needed, so she bought practical things like nappies, vests, babygros etc. In my experience babies make people generous.

 

[superfrizbee]

My mum is like this! She says it gives her pleasure to buy the things for her grand children that she couldn't afford to buy for my sister and I when we were little, which is hard to argue with. She isn't leaving herself with nothing mind! Is it the same kind of thing with your grandma?

 

[Lau88]

I'd say if she's insisting you go shopping put a limit on the spending, anything you buy over make up the difference. I'd also buy her lunch and tell her that while you appreciate everything she buys you'd like the trip to be about spending much valued time with her just as much as it is buying for baby.

 

[RinnaRoo]

I agree with what a PP said. Maybe she didnt have the means to buy lush clothes and items with her children, so she enjoys doing it with you. Unless shes an addicted compulsive shopper, (like my husbands aunt) then I wouldnt worry. Continue to be greatful and thank her often as Im sure youre doing, but there probably isnt any harm in it. She loves you.