everyone told me i would be safe......

[Myshelsong]

I just want to give you a hug, but you are half a world away. So I hope you can feel the love.

It has been 6 weeks for me and I can honestly say the first three weeks I was drowning in grief. I couldn't feel anything unless it was sadness, I could barley put one foot in front of each other. I cried every day, some times hysterically sometimes just silent tears streaming down my face as I drive.
I just want to say that what you are feeling is 100% ok and normal. Not having answers is hard and sometimes too much to handle.
I don't have any answers for you with what happened, but you don't deserve this. None of us deserved this, this was the worst thing ever and there was nothing you could do. I know wrapping my head around the fact that I couldn't do anything, he was gone before we knew is the hardest thing. The guilt that I didn't know he was in trouble, that I didn't save him.... six weeks later, my rational mind has helped heal my guilt, but my heart is still broken. But I does get easier. There are bad days but there are good days coming as well. Just keep your chin above water in the mean time.

Good luck

 

[millianaire]

I just want to give you a hug, but you are half a world away. So I hope you can feel the love.

It has been 6 weeks for me and I can honestly say the first three weeks I was drowning in grief. I couldn't feel anything unless it was sadness, I could barley put one foot in front of each other. I cried every day, some times hysterically sometimes just silent tears streaming down my face as I drive.
I just want to say that what you are feeling is 100% ok and normal. Not having answers is hard and sometimes too much to handle.
I don't have any answers for you with what happened, but you don't deserve this. None of us deserved this, this was the worst thing ever and there was nothing you could do. I know wrapping my head around the fact that I couldn't do anything, he was gone before we knew is the hardest thing. The guilt that I didn't know he was in trouble, that I didn't save him.... six weeks later, my rational mind has helped heal my guilt, but my heart is still broken. But I does get easier. There are bad days but there are good days coming as well. Just keep your chin above water in the mean time.

Good luck

Hello darling, thank you for your reply, I feel the love and the hug sent from a far and I respond the same way, I feel like I have been very strong through this but when the upset comes it comes so so strong like I can't control the outbursts and the pain and I sit their hating myself and my life but it lasts up to about 2 hours before I start fighting my own feelings. I just don't understand with all the modern technology out their and hospital tests and ultra scans ect how no one picks up these problems or can find patterns with these types of things yet.... We have a really long road ahead to deal with it all but leading on my friends and family I feel like I'm just going on an on about it.... Add me on fb if u need someone to talk to Hun (gina hare) pic of me and my partner both with sunglasses on in front of a building with pond xx

 

[Left wonderin]

3 weeks is no time at all . The loss of your LO is still so raw and painful and will be for a while yet . There is no miricle cure but over time you wil begin to feel better that I promise .
You are not "going on" about your baby , you are grieveing . Anyone who doesn't understand that can go and jump !!! Be kind to yourself you sound like your being really hard on you ... You will heal but it will take time xxxxxx

 

[Left wonderin]

I remember when the Inital pain went I was left feeling soooo angry at the world for ages .

 

[millianaire]

Thankyou, I do feel like I'm
Being hard on myself but that's because I feel like the rest of world just want me to 'get over it' already and start looking forward I feel so resentful of the people who keep telling me how I
Should feel these are the same people that told me 'ur past 12 weeks the chances are super slim stop worrying and enjoy ur pregnancy be happy' I know little did we all know I had a right to be anxious.... grief is a choice I have also been told I can let it take over my life or fight strong and see a different light at the end of the tunnel... all I want is to stop hurting the people I love around me by exciting them with a baby then snatching it away they don't deserve it either.... I wish I knew what was meant to be or going to be because this road had been long and I'm
Tired of it same questions same results same boring conversations about infertility ect maybe this is someone's way of telling me that I'm not meant to have children maybe this time I should listen and just give up

Love to all
You fighters out there you have been great with me....

 

[BunnyN]

I agree 3 weeks isnt any time. It is good not to let grief take over your life but 3 weeks of grieving isnt the same as taking over your life. It is reasonable and healthy that you are still grieving. Pushing your feelings under the carpet, bottling it up and putting on a happy face all the time is more likely to cause you long term harm IMO. Feeling better is a gradual proccess. I cried every day for weeks after our loss and it was at 10 weeks so I didnt go though everything you did. Honestly it took 4 or 5 months before I really began to feel myself again and could really enjoy life again. At about 2-3 weeks after was probably the hardest time for me. It was when the shock of what had happened began to wear off and I wasnt walking around in a daze anymore, I had to get back to facing real life and felt sooo not ready for it but everyone else seemed to be forgetting and thinking I should be okay now. From there I began feeling better step by step. I still feel sad sometimes and cry sometimes about it but it hasnt taken over my life.

Your baby deserves to be grieved. Dont let other people hurry you. I am sure they just care about you and worry about you but you do need to grieve. Grieving is part of moving on.

 

[millianaire]

Hello,

I know grieving is going to take time, it's the nightmares I can't handle I feel like my body was letting me down being infertile for 6 years an now this, how do you know if your meant to have kids or not naturally, how do u know when or if u should try again.... I am very lucky I have a lot of support I just miss being pregnant and knowing he was growing inside me I don't miss the attention of being pregnant and I feel like if I ever fell again I would never tell anyone until baby born so that I don't have to listen to people telling me stories or stressing me out about how I should feel, I miss him so much he's left me feeling like shamu in Thailand so have constant reminder he was there.... Now I have to deal with my sister in law giving birth in December talk about a kick in the teeth how the hell in gunna deal with a new born is beyond me....

Thinking of you all ladies always here if u want to chat xxx

 

[BunnyN]

A newborn is going to be hard to deal with so soon. Hugs

 

[Left wonderin]

I had to deal with something similar when I had my mmc at almost 13 weeks . My sister had her baby girl on the 5th of December and I started spotting on the 20th . Got checked out saw baby and hb all ok ... Went back on the 22nd for routine scan.. No hb. Had dnc on Christmas Eve . Had Christmas dinner with my sister so had to deal with baby . I was dreading it !!!! But to my SUPRISE / shock I was drawn to the baby when I got through the door . I held her most of the day and people left me to it . I feel it in a strange way actually helped me to grieve and say goodbye to my baby . I couldn't hold her tightly enough !

 

[Myshelsong]

I am sorry you ar having nightmares, thankfully I have not had any yet. But I have had a few dreams of me as a mother with my baby, waking up to the reality is not great.

Freaking infertility, I feel the same way, it has been five years for us of infertility and tests and procedures. The struggle is real, do we have kids, do we try again, do we adopt?
We have already completed the adoption paperwork and checks and classes but we are putting actually pulling the trigger on hold until we complete the IVFs. We have three embryos left so we are going to give it another go. I am still in shock that this actually happened to us, but every day honestly gets a little better.