Expectations

[dustbunny]

As time is getting closer I am starting to feel really anxious about FOB. Less than a month to go and still he hasn't contacted me at all. But it is really starting to consume my thoughts as today I went to the MW who told me I am 2/5 engaged and I got excited and then Mum said on the way back about how the FOB will have to come and see her.

It just really pissed me off [not at my mum] as he hasn't bothered at all so why should he now get all the glory at the end of it all. He hasn't paid anything, done anything, supported anything and then will most likely probably expect to come down, sit in my living room, consume my tea etc etc etc and hold her and everything as if everything is OK.

Just makes me so angry that the minute you start to think you're free, chances are you're not. Still am going ahead with staying stum unless he contacts me, after all this [as stupid as it sounds] I see my little bean as mine now, he had all the chances in the world.


Random rant over!

 

[Mummy2Liam]

Why invite him then?

He may be the sperm to your baby but that doesn't make him the father or automatically give him permission to call himself Daddy!

Father of both my two has done a runner, walked away in September after finding out he'd impregnated me, for the second time. Whilst we were in serious court proceedings too. He hasn't contacted me in over four months to ask how our son is or to ask about the pregnancy - I'm 28weeks now and when she's born, he won't be told.

He doesn't deserve to know if his second child is a boy or girl, birth date, birth weight etc. Nor does FOB of your baby - that baby is solely your child and if you give him Parental Responsibility it'll be a massive mistake. Personally from experience!

 

[angelpkj]

i'd leave him too it
i kept my FOB up to date on every last thing and it was always me contacting him
looking back i really do wish i'd left him too it cause at least then i would know if he cared or was just appearing to care because i had made the effort to fill him in on what was going on

giving my current situation it would of been a million times more better if he just hadnt bothered but i will never know if he would of made the calls to see how i was etc because i always let him know...

 

[Jinty]

If he cared he would contact you. If he wanted to know he would contact you. I wouldn't bother if i were you. Your better off without him. I totally understand what you mean. I'm still close to FOB's parents and i always say my LO is all mine. You need to earn your place not just by giving sperm.

 

[dustbunny]

I am leaving him to it but just hate how there is still a part thinking "well the best thing to do would be to keep him up to date" and then I have to think that FOB isn't really to the same standard as a normal human being.
I really do not get men at all! Just had a text from a mutual friend asking if FOB had been in contact with me and why had I deleted him [the mutual friend] off FB. I pointed out I deleted him so as if FOB asked him any questions he wouldn't be put in an awkward situation. So I replied with how FOB had sent me flowers and a shitty message to my sister on FB and he just text back.
"Oh so he has been in contact. If anyone says anything to me I will tell them as it is without being bitchy."
To which i said: "Has he said anything then?"
Him: "Na nothing."
Me: "He really has never said anything?"
Him: "nope, just the usual thanks when I found out and said congrats but nothing since."

WTF!!!!
It seems any form of "attention" they bestow should be greeted with a ticker tape parade.

 

[Mummy2Liam]

Men will never be a species that females can understand!

 

[angelpkj]

its a nice and normal thing to do-keep them in touch or want too

sometimes tho it just leaves more unanswerd questions in the long run

 

[dustbunny]

Turns out that FOB lied about having a proper job, it's an odd job... very very occasional work, like once in a blue moon. What a liar!

 

[teal]

I really think you're doing the right thing by leaving him to it. If he wants to know anything then he knows where you are.

I can relate to the feelings of not really being free. I felt like that for a long time and my ex never came around. I think the more time passes then the harder it will be for your little girl if he decides to swan in.

I gave my ex one last opportunity in December and after him being so vile I've decided if he changes his mind then he'll be taking me to court before I allow him access.

 

[Dezireey]

I have actually got to the stage now where I am regretting that my FOB owns a part of my life i.e he will always be the father of my son no matter what. I think I am getting over him and now seeing the wood for the trees. We met up recently and the idiot just wanted to make out and said how much he missed me and then proceeded to moan about his own life. I just thought 'what did I ever see in you?' I am hoping that he disappears completely now. I think I would be less lenient and understanding towards him if he decided to appear when my son is older,. like even 3yr old or 7 or something. Then I may tell him that he needs to piss off for good and not breeze into his kids life.I dont think I would be nice about that kind of behaviour from him.

 

[dustbunny]

It just annoys me that everything he says is a lie. You think someone can go any lower, that they have reached a point where honesty is the only way to go but no... he just keeps lying and twisting everything. At least in my head I know everything is done and, like teal, if he changes his mind then he can try and take me to court. But to be honest that would require strength and balls on his part, neither of which he has.
Just battling with my own conscience but at the moment have more important things to ponder over. Can not wait till LO is born now.

 

[louloubelle76]

oh my god you sound just like how i was with my little girls dad, he we split up 2nd time in november (7 months pregnant) havent heard from him since, not even a text asking how my pregnancy is going nothing not a thing.

why should be bothered if he cant? thats what i kept on telling myself.

It does get easier feel free to message me

 

[Lemonflower]

FOB left me at 13 weeks pregnant, threatened joint custody at 16 weeks and at 21 weeks when i text him we were having a little boy he replied but this is the last time I've heard from him. I'm 37 weeks tomorrow.
Mutual friends say he never mentions LO and his FB never mentions him.
He's too busy with his new house, job, restarted taking drugs, gigging (badly) and new gf. He's not interested in LO or paid a penny even though he was planned.

I will not be contacting him when LO arrives, he can find out through mutual friends. He's also not going on the BC. Why should I give him PR when he has done nothing for my baby also baby will have my surname. He's already messed up being a father. Any man can be a sperm donor and this is what he is.

Visitation - like Dustbunny's dick of a fob - my fob prob believes he can come to my house, drink my tea while we chat happily about our son. (I'm quite mere-hearted and old me prob would have done this but after his behaviour and everything he's done, hasn't done - NO!!)
He will visit LO around my mother's once a week/fortnight for an hour and I will not be present. The tv will be turned off, no music on and my mum will be in the next room just getting on with chores.

I don't know this man anymore, I'd never get back with him - I can't risk him wrecking my son's life. Tbh I hope he does us both a favour and just fuck off!!!

 

[xAmiixLouisex]

I know the exact feeling! It annoys me so bad that I've spend the past 35 weeks preparing everything, buying everything, all for our child while he sits without a care in the world. Yet, I know if he turns up I can't turn him away because as much as he's an asshole, I have to give him a chance to be a dad for the sake of my son. But it's SO frustrating that he could just turn up and everything's fine! It's really unfair.