Experience in UK with the CSA or CMS?

[Dezireey]

Hmmm and society is baffled sometimes when so many women hate men? LOL, crazy men out there.

What makes me laugh is my ex ( and some other ex's I have read about on here) accuse the women they got pregnant of being crazy, stalkers, nuts etc. Purely because we are harassing them for answers, child support or help of some kind etc.

Duh, wake up guys, its not like a normal break up, there is a child involved???

Sorry he treated you this way, but I totally understand what you are going through and it certainly didnt help me when people get saying 'get over it etc' . Its one of those things in life where no-one could possibly understand what you are going through unless they have gone through it themselves. Its a different kind of hurt and tough to get through. Women are tough, we get through it eventually because our kids just make us happy and smile.

 

[Meezerowner]

Hmmm and society is baffled sometimes when so many women hate men? LOL, crazy men out there.

What makes me laugh is my ex ( and some other ex's I have read about on here) accuse the women they got pregnant of being crazy, stalkers, nuts etc. Purely because we are harassing them for answers, child support or help of some kind etc.

Duh, wake up guys, its not like a normal break up, there is a child involved???

Sorry he treated you this way, but I totally understand what you are going through and it certainly didnt help me when people get saying 'get over it etc' . Its one of those things in life where no-one could possibly understand what you are going through unless they have gone through it themselves. Its a different kind of hurt and tough to get through. Women are tough, we get through it eventually because our kids just make us happy and smile.

Yes I think a lot of men try and cover up their bad deeds by maintaining the woman was crazy.... " look she is stalking me etc". They try and make themselves look good particularly to their next victim/girlfriend by saying "it wasnt me it was her - she's the crazy one".

With my FOB he defo didnt want ANYONE knowing what had gone on cos he didnt want to look bad even though he'd been a total scumbag and realised it.

He covered up the fact I was pregnant from all of his friends and colleagues and didn't want me talking to anyone... incase they discovered what a little sh*t he really was.
I remember him saying when I asked what I should do if I went into labour whilst he was at work. He said to make sure I didn't tell them who I was and to say I was his Mum and there was a family emergency
He was dating his "other woman" (a colleague) by this time and she was already pregnant.

I'm pretty sure he's telling everyone lies about how we broke up and I also reckon not a lot of people know that I have his 2 children.

He is the master of lies, deception and concealment.

EDIT to add:
I agree women are strong though..... I am so much better and happier without him and I pity his GF/victim - I really do. I didn't realise how bad it was until he was gone.

I have just completed a "Year with no Tears" it's been a year since I cried... a weird achievement. Cos he used to make me cry on a regular basis during the relationship.
The last time I cried was March 2013 when he broke into the house and scared us all nearly to death.
Not saying that not crying is healthy ..... but it is an achievement in happiness for me!

 

[Dezireey]

Gosh, what a tool! How can he go through life hiding two kids? So the other woman is having his child and doesn't know about you? Same here with my FOB, don't know what cockamaney story he must have told people but he would get totally freaked if I threatened to tell people about our son. I did end up telling loads of people, got no response from anyone but even if he fobbed them off with a lie, they have that seed of doubt in their mind about him everytime he does something selfish or weird... they will start believing my story is actuay true after all, the longer they get to know him. Same with your ex hun, he cant hide it forever and it will bite him in the ass one day. Cant see a good future for this other woman and her child either to be honest. He has happily left one set of kids, so he is capable of doing it again. That is what I think about my FOB, he gave me the feeling of 'why are you making such a big deal out of all this?' Now I realise its because he left another child before, so easy to do it again.

Glad the tears have gone, totally relate to that, spent many months just crying about it all and will never, ever, understand how someone could be so cruel. You will find happiness again, when you are ready and settled in yourself, it will come and a great future awaits us hun xxx hugs xxx

 

[xxsteffyxx]

For me it's now been two years and since then I have had very broken payments, £5 here, £10 there... But ex has paid £220 in 2 years. He is £700 in arrears and he is on benefits

 

[Dezireey]

I have to admit, the actual process of having CSA involved and the fact that my ex knows now that I am not backing down and I want child support.period, has been sufficient for me, even if I get nothing, ever. Its just the principle of it sometimes and it helps with closure. Its like saying ' I never have to contact him again, lets just leave it with CSA, let them harrass him for life and be done with it'

No matter how much you love your ex ladies and / or dont want to fall out with him or for him to think badly of you, you MUST get child support asap when you have the freshest information on him.

If I would have ignored his lies, I would have got some money in the start when he was actually working for a national company that would have just deducted from his wages. He is now self employed, which is much harder, especially when they dont register with the tax office.

The moment that baby is born and if that man refuses or avoids helping you financially , get straight on the phone with CSA as you will regret it in the future, trust me. Best advice I could give.

 

[Meezerowner]

I have to admit, the actual process of having CSA involved and the fact that my ex knows now that I am not backing down and I want child support.period, has been sufficient for me, even if I get nothing, ever. Its just the principle of it sometimes and it helps with closure. Its like saying ' I never have to contact him again, lets just leave it with CSA, let them harrass him for life and be done with it'

No matter how much you love your ex ladies and / or dont want to fall out with him or for him to think badly of you, you MUST get child support asap when you have the freshest information on him.

If I would have ignored his lies, I would have got some money in the start when he was actually working for a national company that would have just deducted from his wages. He is now self employed, which is much harder, especially when they dont register with the tax office.

The moment that baby is born and if that man refuses or avoids helping you financially , get straight on the phone with CSA as you will regret it in the future, trust me. Best advice I could give.

True.
I wish I'd applied sooner.

Unfortunately I think there is a bit of social stigma surrounding applying to the CMS. At least that's what I felt. Everywhere seemed to encourage private mediation and agreements and it was implied that to go through the CMS was bad and it made the woman look like a bitch.

Private agreements are fine and dandy if you are dealing with "normal" considerate Dads who want to take responsibilty. However they are completely useless if you are dealing with a lying, irresponsible "difficult" person.

Anyway I learned my lesson. It's not bad to apply it's the responsible thing to do and it means that the arrears will keep mounting no matter what he does.

I am also glad that I don't have to deal with the aggravation. They chase him and that's enough for me also.

 

[Meezerowner]

For me it's now been two years and since then I have had very broken payments, £5 here, £10 there... But ex has paid £220 in 2 years. He is £700 in arrears and he is on benefits

It's annoying how they can't chase for the arrears whilst they are on benefits isn't it. But at least you know that if he ever gets a job he will have to start paying you back.

 

[xxsteffyxx]

I wish that was the case Hun. They have found him working several times, and then once they attach an attachment of earnings on his wages he quits his job. So I have never got more then £5 from him at a time x

 

[Meezerowner]

I wish that was the case Hun. They have found him working several times, and then once they attach an attachment of earnings on his wages he quits his job. So I have never got more then £5 from him at a time x

So is he quitting deliberately to not pay? I really cannot get my head around this way of thinking!

How frustrating!

 

[Dezireey]

I wish that was the case Hun. They have found him working several times, and then once they attach an attachment of earnings on his wages he quits his job. So I have never got more then £5 from him at a time x

So is he quitting deliberately to not pay? I really cannot get my head around this way of thinking!

How frustrating!

Totally happens a lot I am guessing. Didnt even know my FOB had a child before I got pregnant, now I know why he never used his real name on the internet or on facebook just nicknames, he flitted from job to job ( I just thought he was getting more qualified and moving up as each job paid more than the last) and lots of other weird things like having no fixed address and not being on the electorol role for years. It all adds up and me being pregnant probably made him go totally over the edge.

Its just bonkers really. They are creating their own problems and seem to think that the CSA cant touch them. The guy I spoke to said they never give up on an FOB, even if it takes years.

Basically if an FOB avoids child support for e.g six years and then thinks 'yey, I have got away with it' and then gets a full time job, boom, their NI number gets flagged up and CSA get on their case again.

Its a crazy way to live your life to be honest, almost like a bloody fugitive who can never get a proper job.... crazy men, really stupid idiots

 

[xxsteffyxx]

That seems to be the technic he is using to get out of paying more maintenance but because it cannot be proved nothing can be done about it.

He admits during visits he is working for agency when they have work for him, even though he is signing on. I have done everything possible to report this fraud, but so car nothing has been done about it xx

 

[Mummy1995]

I have to admit, the actual process of having CSA involved and the fact that my ex knows now that I am not backing down and I want child support.period, has been sufficient for me, even if I get nothing, ever. Its just the principle of it sometimes and it helps with closure. Its like saying ' I never have to contact him again, lets just leave it with CSA, let them harrass him for life and be done with it'

No matter how much you love your ex ladies and / or dont want to fall out with him or for him to think badly of you, you MUST get child support asap when you have the freshest information on him.

If I would have ignored his lies, I would have got some money in the start when he was actually working for a national company that would have just deducted from his wages. He is now self employed, which is much harder, especially when they dont register with the tax office.

The moment that baby is born and if that man refuses or avoids helping you financially , get straight on the phone with CSA as you will regret it in the future, trust me. Best advice I could give.

I'm counting down the days until I can apply in September x

 

[Meezerowner]

Update on my original post:

I got my first payment through - £7 paid into my bank account So it took just under 6 months since I first applied.

A letter confirmed it will be £28.50 month from now on which they can now take directly from his benefits. So looks like they have sorted it.
Also confirmed that the arrears are now at £422 but they can't ask him for that yet.

£28.50 doesn't even keep the children in nappies for a month though
Can't help thinking he'll be smug that I'm not getting much. It is very frustrating seeing as when I last knew about his affairs he had over 9k squirrelled away. He may have had to use that though in the last couple of years but knowing him I doubt he will have coughed up much.... he was always very tight with money.

 

[xxsteffyxx]

I get £5 a week from his benefits and he is £800+ in arrears. In surprised that they can take more then £5 a week from him x

 

[Meezerowner]

I get £5 a week from his benefits and he is £800+ in arrears. In surprised that they can take more then £5 a week from him x

Mmm dunno maybe because it's for two children?
It should have been more but they have to take into account he has another baby with his new woman. So there is a deduction for that also.

I just hope he gets a job again ASAP.

£5 or £7 is just a joke really in the grand scheme of things. It's almost insulting. As it is always us picking up all the bills and extreme expenses. Still it's better than a kick in the teeth

 

[Dezireey]

Update on my original post:

I got my first payment through - £7 paid into my bank account So it took just under 6 months since I first applied.

A letter confirmed it will be £28.50 month from now on which they can now take directly from his benefits. So looks like they have sorted it.
Also confirmed that the arrears are now at £422 but they can't ask him for that yet.

£28.50 doesn't even keep the children in nappies for a month though
Can't help thinking he'll be smug that I'm not getting much. It is very frustrating seeing as when I last knew about his affairs he had over 9k squirrelled away. He may have had to use that though in the last couple of years but knowing him I doubt he will have coughed up much.... he was always very tight with money.

Congratulations hun, that's good news. Shame you can't get more but at least the bugger is paying something now

 

[babycrazy1706]

How did you originally get in contact with the cms? I've been looking online today and can't find anything.

My ex told me he didn't have any money a few weeks ago and told me today he might be going to Alton towers (theme park) tomorrow!! I've seen red. I'm fuming.

I've sent him a text saying funny how you have money for a social life. He's coming tomorrow for Eli so I'm gona have it out with him.

Feel like ripping his head off. Selfish *******.

 

[Meezerowner]

How did you originally get in contact with the cms? I've been looking online today and can't find anything.

My ex told me he didn't have any money a few weeks ago and told me today he might be going to Alton towers (theme park) tomorrow!! I've seen red. I'm fuming.

I've sent him a text saying funny how you have money for a social life. He's coming tomorrow for Eli so I'm gona have it out with him.

Feel like ripping his head off. Selfish *******.

I applied by ringing the CSA number for the midlands (nearest area to me) but this was just a few weeks before the CSA stopped taking new cases so I think it's changed now. When they set up my case it ended up being with the new CMS route anyway.

Now I think you have to contact "child maintainance options" and they will explain what your options are and presumably give you the number for the CMS new claims.

When I rang child maintainance options I didnt find them awfully helpful but they should be able to give you the number to call.

Re your Ex: that is so selfish going out for a jolly day but telling you he's broke! Men always seem to find the cash for their fun-times but not for their children.

 

[babycrazy1706]

Thanks hun! Yeh he's an idiot!