Experiences- do you live next to your in-laws?

[feedindy]

My in-laws want to buy the house next door. They can be a bit overbearing in general. The currently live 1 hour away and we see them every 2 weeks. There are so many pros to having them next door... extra help with DD, DD would enjoy seeing and interacting with them, and at least we know we wouldn't be getting crazy freaks next door. But the con is that this would be too close. My DH says before they move in or offer on the house, he would lay down some ground rules like don't just pop over unannounced, and don't expect to see eachother every day or anything. But I am still nervous. DH also offered to plant a huge hedge of plants between us so we would have total privacy in our yard. lol

Any ladies want to share experiences about living next to in-laws?

 

[0stara]

No experience but some things to think about:

Bedroom noises... Are the houses semi-detached?
Will they get upset when others come to babysit?
Will they run out to talk every time you go out in car or arrive home?
What if you have arguments as a couple or they hear crying?

These are things I would want to consider, good luck with your decision xx

 

[andella95]

I don't live next to inlaws...but I couldn't do it. Not in a million years.

Sorry I can't be more helpful!

 

[feedindy]

No experience but some things to think about:

Bedroom noises... Are the houses semi-detached?
Will they get upset when others come to babysit?
Will they run out to talk every time you go out in car or arrive home?
What if you have arguments as a couple or they hear crying?

These are things I would want to consider, good luck with your decision xx

The houses probably have about 25-30 feet between them (single detached homes). Actually no one has ever come to babysit because I am always taking my daughter to my parents house. They probably wouldn't stop me every time I get in the car to go some where because my car/ exit from the house is the opposite of where their house is facing, so they wouldn't even see me until my car was already driving down the road.

Your last point is a valid one though. What if they hear us have an argument, or if they hear DD throwing a tantrum and they start talking some crap like I let her cry all day or something. I don't want any drama, but I am trying to be unselfish about this and ask myself what my DD would enjoy, which is probably seeing her grandparents more often. I can imagine them running out to talk to me any time I am gardening though, which would get annoying. Or before we have the hedge grow in to give us total privacy, they would be all up in my business every time I am in my backyard. I just don't know.

 

[feedindy]

Oh I should add, they will be retiring from their jobs to move here, meaning they would have a loooooot of time on their hands. I hope they don't expect to be at my house all day if they move there.

 

[andella95]

They could still move closer to you without moving next door though. That way DD would still be able to see them more often.

 

[jem77]

We live next door to my parents. (I built here several years ago, they devided their lot and gave me the piece of land to build on). They are very respectful of our privacy. We don't see them everyday, so it's not overkill. It's nice to have them so close so they can help a bit when I need it. On the other hand, if it was OH's parents, not sure how I'd be with that....

 

[SabrinaKat]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Watch any episode of Everybody Loves Raymond for every reason why not!

best wishes

 

[aley28]

My in-laws live just around the corner and IMO that's way too close. I could NEVER live right next door to them. I don't think my marriage could survive us living that close to his parents... its tough as it is.

I think if they want to come and live closer, that's great... but maybe ask that they don't move in right next door. Unless you absolutely LOVE them, I think that's just asking for troubles.

 

[mamaduke]

I love my parents and ILs dearly, but I also love living 30-45 minutes away from them on the complete opposite end of town. Granted, I'm hoping to move 2 hours away from them within the next 5 years. No way could we live next to either set of parents though.

 

[hakunamatata]

If it were me... hell NO.

My MIL only lives a few towns away... if she tried moving closer, I'd have to kill her.

 

[LittleOnes]

For us, even for DH, I think this would be too close. Same town? Yes. Same neighborhood? ....maybe, jury still out. Next door? Couldn't do it. I don't think I could do it even with my own parents. I love my in-laws, and they live 30 minutes away and sometimes that is too close.

The thing is, as I have found with family, whether in-laws or otherwise, "ground rules" don't really last long, if they take effect at all! Maybe that's just my experience.

 

[sweetpeaxo]

I live next door to my in laws. It's nice having them close by, but at the same time my DH and I feel like we have zero privacy. But luckily they don't drop in unannounced and they respect the boundaries.

 

[MikaylasMummy]

It totally depends on what kind of people they are.we lived the next street back from inlaws for a while but there was a lane way that went from their driveway to our street right in front of our house.it was fine,great even because I could go down an use their pool any time I wanted,borrow milk Ect.and I have the non overbearing kind.they never really popped up at all because i always went to their house.if you think they are capable of following the rules and judging by the way you have described your house I'd say it would be ok.my kids love seeing the inlaws so much even though we live 10 mins away now

 

[greeneyes26]

my in laws dont live next door but they do live right down the road which is fine during the winter but in the summer they r here every day because our house sits on the same land as the family business. its hard right now my MIL is always here at the house while my hubby and FIL are working which can be pretty disruptive to LO especially when they bring their dog with them which is every time...its nice for LO to be able to see his grandparents every day BUT there is no privacy what so ever when they r here so i would say definitely talk to ur hubby long and hard about it all b4 u decide what u want to do.

 

[Lilmiss1]

IMO not a good idea. If you have a good relationship with your in laws and want to keep it this way, dont take the risk.

 

[babyfenway]

Dont do it. Aside from your LO, your OH has lived independantly from them for X number of years- they will stick their nose in his life an get involved, which im sure will piss him off and make him feel about 10 years old. I can only talk from experience though- my exs parents moved around the corner from us about a year ago and would come over ALL the time and try and boss him around- they even did his bloody laundry for him when he is otherwise made to do it himself and they would want to always know where he was, what he was doing etc- not normal when your son is 29!!!

I am moving soon, but i have made it very clear to them through my ex after them just turning up the other day- they are seeing her twice and week, and thats it.

Personally if i could turn the clock back i would. I wouldnt do it

 

[AP]

It does sound like my worst nightmare :/

 

[Lysal]

My sil in law lives 2 doors along from our inlaws and it has it pros and cons. I feel the pros outweigh the cons which is why we are hoping to buy a house in the same street.

Pros : there is easy access to child care. This was particularly useful when my nephew was diagnosed with a brain tumour a few years ago. It meant his mum and dad could be with him at the hospital while inlaws took care of their other two.
Now the children are older there are extra eyes watching when they play out.
If the children don't want to go shopping or are having arguments with siblings they can go to nanny and grandads for space.
As my mil is retired they have all their packages delivered there and she is abe to let workmen in so they don't have to take time off.

Cons
My mil is very nosey and a little batty. Recently she told my bil that sil had had a strange man visit while he was at work. Turns out she was at work and he was off and it was a friend returning a DVD. Could have been awkward, we always joke she could never have an affair lol.

 

[LannieDuck]

I think it depends how independent they are, e.g. whenever we visit the PIL, they're forever popping out to social engagements even tho we're visiting! So I know it would be ok if they moved in next door.

In contrast, my PIL had my GPIL move into their village - they're getting elderly, and it made sense. It's been really good for the GPIL, but I think my MIL has found it hard going. My GMIL wants to go to all MIL's social things with her, and it's been a bit of a struggle (with a few upset moments) to establish that my MIL still wants to do her own thing, even tho her parents now live so close.