Ex's girlfriend hates me and my son

[LuluBee]

Hi, I'm at the end of my tether and looking for some advice. My ex and myself get on well enough and have always managed to co parent our 7 year old son effectively.

However, 18 months ago he met someone (not the first and I have moved on as well). She is making my life and my son's a nightmare. She has never met me and refuses to do so. They split up recently but a month ago got back together and I am really worried. This was the situation before they split up: I am not allowed to go to their house to do drop offs or even pick something up if my ex has forgotten it. I am not allowed to call or send text messages to my ex even about the most practical of things and when they go away abroad his phone is switched off the entire time so my son can't even speak to his Dad. I could possibly understand some of this if I had ever done anything crazy but I am just normal and only ever make practical, necessary contact. When my son was with them he wasn't allowed to eat with them, she argued with him constantly and told him he was a selfish brat, he would come home and sit huddled up on the sofa sobbing and refusing to talk to anyone.
'My ex promised me that this situation wouldn't return but he's just forwarded me a message from her (she refuses to contact me directly or meet me face to face) telling me to 'respect the boundaries of their family and as I have been asked on numerous occasions abstain from calling or messaging Matt'.
I want my son to have a positive relationship with his dad and am so frustrated because without this woman the co-parenting works perfectly. My new partner and myself have a great working relationship with his ex wife and I can't understand why we can't even begin to get near that.

Sorry for the long post just need some people to talk to about this as it's driving me crazy

 

[.Mrs.B.]

That's really bad, your ex needs to do something about it for your sons sake. I don't understand how anyone can be with someone who takes out their insecurities on a child.
I don't know what to say as whatever you do will make the tension worse, but Dad needs to step up for his son here.

 

[daneuse27]

This girlfriend sounds ridiculous. Your ex is letting her call all the shots though. I would be just as angry, if not more, at him than at just her. He's the one who is parenting your son and is supposed to be ensuring your son's safety and well-being. The choices he's making, benefiting her feelings, but no one else's, are only hurting your son. The worst thing of all was her calling him names. She's in no place to do that, and it wouldn't be something I'd be comfortable with happening again.

I would first try to have a serious, sit down chat with your ex about how these rules and his girlfriend's attitude is affecting your son. If he's proven unwilling to listen or reason with you about it, then I would need to do something further about it. Maybe start documenting each time she does something questionable, and record how your ex handles it. If things continue to go down a negative path, and her behaviour and treatment of your son worsens, then maybe you can take them to court to reduce their visitation rights so your son doesn't have to spend as much time with them.

I hope it doesnt come to that though. I hope your ex comes to his senses soon.

 

[Tropiclands]

Wow. It sounds like your former man is abruptly putting the rails on co-parenting. Sounds like balance needs to be reestablished.

 

[AlphaOmega]

I'd find a quiet time to sit down with him and talk about it, without her there. Say how much her attitude is upsetting your son and how it isn't fair for you not to be ablet o contact him about practical and emergency things.
It might also help to write a letter to her (since she won't meet face to face) and get your son's farther to deliver it.
I have a feeling she's just insanely jealous and paranoid that you're going to want him back, so in her mind minimising contact is going to stop that. It's stupid but that's probably what she believes, write a letter ust stating you have no interest in your son's father, you've moved on but you and your son do need to have a line of communication open with him at all times.