Extremely depressed and insecure about hubby

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Fatz, Jun 6, 2013.

  1. Fatz

    Fatz Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2013
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi everyone

    I am about 16 weeks pregnant and for the past month or so, am feeling so insecure about hubby. I just have a feeling that he's with another woman, even though he hasn't given me any indication that he is.
    I don't want to bring it up with him, as he gets upset if I mention that I don't trust him (I am generally an insecure person, although it's never been this bad). He isn't very affectionate or much of a talker, which makes these feelings worse.

    The feelings just popped up all of a sudden and now I look through his phone, facebook and email all the time Thankfully, I haven't found anything yet, but he could be deleting conversations couldn't he?

    I just feel so depressed and can't stop crying. Did anyone else feel like this? Is it just the pregnancy?
     
  2. Fatz

    Fatz Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2013
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    0
    Oh and we also haven't had sex for a while now, cos he's been too tired. That makes it so much worse.
     
  3. kirstybumx3

    kirstybumx3 Mum to two boys, R&N

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2010
    Messages:
    5,781
    Likes Received:
    114
    i know exactly how you feel, pregnancy has made me so insecure. im almost 31 weeks now and the further along I get the more paranoid I am.. if I had my way he wouldn't even leave the house to go to work!
    I don't check my OH phone, facebook, emails etc.. sometimes I see he has messages and I do wonder who they are off and what they say, but I wouldn't like to think he is invading my privacy and looking at everything I do, which is nothing interesting btw, so I dont do it to him. I like to think if he didn't trust me or had doubts he would bring it up with me, as I have with him.
    I am totally convinced my OH though is having an affair, honestly, its irrational and I know he isn't because every second he isn't at work he is here with me, or we are doing something together.. so unless he really hasn't got a job then theres no physical time for him to do everything lol.. but it doesn't stop me from thinking it!!
    ive told him and hes confirmed my insanity :haha:

    I guess I just feel so fat and horrible, and im pregnant now, what if he finds someone skinnier and prettier with no kids? its totally possible..
    but I have to remind myself he knew id get big for a while, he wanted this baby as much as me, and im sure if he had any doubts about us he never would have agreed to try for this baby at all... its not all bad :) I hope im a bit more 'normal' after ive had the baby..
    I used to love the peace when I was home and OH was at work, now I dread the second he has to leave the house without me lol xx
     
  4. LoveSanrio

    LoveSanrio Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2012
    Messages:
    1,831
    Likes Received:
    0
    Honestly, it could very well just be hormones. I have had thoughts like this as well, even though I KNOW my DH isn't cheating. It is really difficult for us to control our emotions right now. Unless you find proof he is cheating I would try and let go of these feelings and work on your relationship with DH. You are causing yourself a lot of stress.
     
  5. vic161209

    vic161209 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2012
    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    0
    some men find sex weird when there partners preg (sadly mine is one of them:cry:) dnt want to hurt us prob, so try not let that upset u or make your mind think things.

    if theres nothing to indicate hes upto no good then u need to trust him, 'benefit of the doubt' if hes a cheat he'll do it any way:wacko: nothing u can do. I think pregnancy makes a lot of us rly insecure (I know it does for me) I think its best not to look threw his things (unless some thing really wasn't adding up) try talking to him, not asking if he cheating but just tell him how your hormones r making u insecure n feel lonely, see if that prompts him to confirm how he feels about u/ the relationship :flower:
     
  6. Nicolalove353

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,357
    Likes Received:
    0
    This happened to my friend once she had her baby. She knew it was irrational but she was convinced he was cheating on her. She confided in me about it do she had someone to talk to about it. It eventually went away but it made her so upset when she was going through it. I wouldn't worry too much about it, especially of there is not any signs he is cheating. It is prob your crazy prego hormones that are putting those thoughts in your head. Hopefully this passes soon for you!
     
  7. beagleowner

    beagleowner Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2013
    Messages:
    1,277
    Likes Received:
    1
    I personally haven't experienced this, but I've seen this worry talked about many times on these boards. It is a common worry. I'm sure it's related to three things, all of which I HAVE experienced....

    a) insecurity due to our changing bodies
    b) hormonal insanity
    c) increased clinginess toward our spouses. I don't know why but pregnant women seem to be clingy toward their partners, more so than usual. I'm extreme about it (I even want him to come to the bathroom with me to talk with me while I shower!!! I KNOW that's insane!!!) but I've heard other pregnant women discuss this too. Probably an evolutionary thing?
     
  8. AliKitts

    AliKitts Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2013
    Messages:
    1,134
    Likes Received:
    0
    its just the hormones, im super clingy to my husband right now, i think you should just bare with it and it will pass
     
  9. cammy

    cammy Mummy To Alexander XD

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2010
    Messages:
    3,469
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree with other ladies. This is my second pregnancy and I have experienced this insecure feeling both times. I think it's just a normal hormonal thing we go through.

    I would just talk to you hubby and say you are feeling a little insecure and lonely during your pregnancy and suggest some things you can do together to help you overcome it. Like having a date night.
    I would also stop looking at his messages etc, because trust me, even if you don't find anything it will just make you feel more insecure and it will become a habit that is not easy to get rid of even after you aren't pregnant anymore and that might cause further issues in the future.

    You are fine hun, it's normal. We all feel it from time to time.
     
  10. Yipee

    Yipee Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2013
    Messages:
    1,093
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree with everyone else that this is probably a pregnancy side effect, for one or all of the reason beagleowner mentioned. It's true that many men (and women) find sex weird during pregnancy, so I definitely wouldn't take that as a sign.
     
  11. Try2findbaby

    Try2findbaby Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2012
    Messages:
    587
    Likes Received:
    0
    I would say talk to your dh. In a calm rational way and just say "I think it's my hormones but...." U really need to talk to him because if he walks in and sees u going through his stuff the trust is gone. I would be devastated if dh was going through my stuff and vice versa.

    Talk to him! He is ur husband :) men can be a bit thick skinned but he's probably noticed something's not right. U need support right now and he can't be there for u if he doesn't k ow what's going on. I hope it is the hormones and it passes quickly.
     
  12. trythisagain

    trythisagain Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2013
    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    0
    Im glad Im not the only crazy one...I make DH come in the bathroom while I shower too lmao. I like the company!!
    I wouldnt worry too much. I think this is a common topic amongst preggo women...as well as a normal side effect to hormones. I try to "preggo lady hormone" rationalize my worries...
    1. Worrying he doesnt think Im hot
    * If he dodnt think I was hot I likely wouldnt have gotten knocked up to begin with *
    2. What if he finds someone who doesnt have kids
    * If he was looking for someone without kids...i would not be preggo right now and we wouldnt be having one*
    3. Is he too tired for sex or does he just not want me
    * Well...I havent really an answer to this one. But if your IH is anyrhing like my DH...on any given night...preggo or not...as soon as he hits the pillow hes out. And unless I interfere right away...the only way Im waking him up for sex is if he has a dirty dream and wakes up with a hard on *
    Haha sorry...tmi
    Ive been in a relationship where my partner has cheated...and trust me. The message thing will drive you insane. Plus odds are that if there were actually something going on you would have found SOME sort of proof by now.
    I would say just preggo hormones. Try taking a day to make YOU feel better about YOU. When I feel yucky about my big belly etc. I just tale a day to pamper myself. Take a warm bath...do my hair nice...makeup...nice clothes...the whole shabang. Might seem stupid but for some reasob makes me feel not so yuck. And its nice for a change to take the time and put it into making myself feel good about me.
    I hope it all works out. And like the pp said...do your best to give him the benefit of a doubt. I KNOW from experience its hard. Nearly impossible. But trust him. At least until he gives you a reason not to.
     
  13. NC_Sarah

    NC_Sarah Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2010
    Messages:
    1,837
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree with this. If he finds out you are snooping in his stuff, especially if he's never been unfaithful before, that will spark up a lot of resentment and then you may very well have a problem on your hands. Speak with him about it. Let him know that his lack of interest in sex is hurting your feelings and see if there is anything you can do
     
  14. heyluu

    heyluu Mommy to 5

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2010
    Messages:
    1,098
    Likes Received:
    0
    It's so reassuring to read so many other ladies feeling the same way! Thanks for this post.
     
  15. Fatz

    Fatz Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2013
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you all so much, reading all your replies made me feel so much better. I will try and trust him from now on, I'm sure it's just the pregnancy making me feel like this. :) :hugs:
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice