facebook status about lttc?

[jcr1988]

Have any of you put things on your facebook saying that your lttc and would like everyone to stop complaining about your pregnancy and your kids, stop giving 'advice' and dont tell me your trying too and that it's been 3 months and your upset? i'm very tempted to do this, although i know it's only because im having a bad day.
I'm feeling like im at my whits end with everyones comments about it! the next person to make a dumb comment about it may get a swift kick in the butt!! even DH is saying the wrong things today and feel like im loosing my mind and can't tell people that they have no clue and to just shut up!!

 

[ZekeyMylo2010]

Personally no I haven't I don't really want people to know, I think something are ok for other people to know I get frustrated when people but all their business on Facebook but sometimes I think if only you knew!!

 

[wannabemummy2]

i get that all the time too! We've been married for nearly 8 years and have always been asked if we were thinking about a family yet - i'd love to turn round and ask them about their sex life! seeing as they are so interested in mine lol i dont think i would post on fb about ttc as its hard enough me dealing with bfn, so think i'd only post when i knew everything was ok.

and if i hear one more time - just relax and it'll happen, i'll scream!

 

[CHILLbilly]

I would LOVE to comment on parents complaining about their kids.... saying they need a break...never have time for themselves.ect.

I unsubscribe to ppl that announce they are pregnant due to the weekly updates.
I like them on here but not on FB.

One person on my fb just found out she is having a boy...said they would have been happy with either but were leaning toward a boy. I almost typed..I would be happy with a baby... period..... I haven't made it past 8 weeks pregnancy so.....
.
Wish I could talk about my infertility BUT its way to personal for FB.

 

[Molae06]

I have been becoming more and more open with my infertility issues, but don't really post much about it on fb. When I do it's when I'm having a really hard time etc, but then no one EVER says the right thing...there's never anything anyone can say to make it better. Even when people say "I'm really sorry you are going through this." etc etc, it makes me mad whatever they say. The only time I have ever really posted anything like that on fb was on Thanksgiving, more than a couple friends wished their daycare was open etc because it was too hard trying to cook and entertain guests etc while trying to keep track of their kids, and one person even went as far as complaining about not being able to cook Thanksgiving dinner because the smell would make her sick because she is pregnant, it really pushed me over the edge and I did (regretfully) post that people need to stop complaing about their miracles of life and just be thankful, a bunch of people deleted me, some sent private messages saying it was really uncalled for and if I don't like it then don't read it etc etc.

 

[wannabemummy2]

i've found myself blocking the news feeds when i hear that someone is expecting, as its too painful. when i hear people complaining about how busy they are and how demanding the kids are i just want to smack them! do they know how many women would kill to be in their places?

 

[ChimChims]

I hope I am not out of place for saying I understand completely. It was 3 years before our first baby and seven years before our second and people are still saying the wrong things. My sister won't quit saying "I just keep forgetting that you're a mom again. It just doesn't seem right that you've got two. I think we are all so used to you 'just having one'... it just doesn't seem RIGHT." etc etc etc I don't say anything to her because I am too grateful just to be 'here' again after seven years, but hearing her say it over and over... it hurts more than she or my other little rabbit sisters will ever know and just seems rude. Hope it is okay that I added my vent here. I am hyper aware of my blessings, but for some reason having them doesn't stop the stupid comments.

 

[kiki04]

I dont get upset because it is my problem, not theirs. Parenthood isnt all peaches and cream and neither is pg so just because someone has children or is pg doesnt mean they need to smile 24/7. Sometimes we forget to be greatful for what we have. And if I could live in that blind bliss over the world I live in, where I could take things for granted because I didnt know otherwise, damn rights I would! I hate this world and would do anything not to be here, but instead be in their shoes. I am glad they dont have the same worries that I do. I am glad they dont have to cry everytime AF shows up. I am glad their current worst worry is how bad their morning sickness is. I am glad their worries are so minimal in comparison to what others have.... like never being able to get pg, or never being able to stay pg, or losing their baby half way through, or losing their baby at birth or losing their baby to SIDS etc etc. I am soooo HAPPY their worries are not on the same scale as mine. And they are 100% entitled to moan and groan about those worries and I wouldnt ever expect someone to worry about every FB status that they might offend someone. Someone may have lost someone to cancer, or someone they know may be a victim of bullying or racism, someone they know may have multiples, or another with infertility, or infant loss etc etc etc If every status I was worried about who I was going to upset.... I would never post a status.... but that being said, I never post about ttc as only a handful of ppl know we are... and even fewer know we are having such a hard time.

I dont mean to come across as rude but I dont feel the same as most people do when it comes to catering to my feelings.

 

[jcr1988]

I agree with you kiki04, I'm happy for friends that do get pregnant and are parents, i don't want anyone to have to feel the way i feel and be sad over silly little things but most times it does feel like a little twist on the knife when they complain.

I did post a picture of a baby belly that said 'It's hard to wait around for something that will never be, but it's harder to let go when it's everything you have ever wanted' i got many good comments back along with messages in my inbox and texts asking if i was okay and telling me that they were praying for a baby for me and that they were there for me. I have never hid that fact that we want a baby and that it's not been easy and we don't yet know if it will ever happen or not, but i feel like they forget and then tell me all about their pregnancies, and babies non-stop. I don't expect them to cater to me and my crazy emotions but I hope that they respect them and remember that there is more to life then their little families. (i feel like im sounding a little psychotic here, I'm not at all)

 

[susan_1981]

I got fed up with friends who knew I'd been trying for a baby for absolutely ages complaining about every twinge and pain when they were pregnant. When one of my "friends" was pregnant - and again she knew about me LTTTC - , she said "I just hate being pregnant". I'm not a violent person but I just wanted to punch her when I'd have given everything I have for a baby and she knew that.

People can be so insensitive but I just think if you don't have problems falling pregnant and don't know anyone struggling, you don't think about it. I know before I started TTC, when someone got married, I'd generally ask "babies next?" but it's only since I struggled for so long that I realised what a personal question that is.

I hope you don't have to wait too much longer for your baby xxx

 

[PinkPeony]

I dont get upset because it is my problem, not theirs. Parenthood isnt all peaches and cream and neither is pg so just because someone has children or is pg doesnt mean they need to smile 24/7. Sometimes we forget to be greatful for what we have. And if I could live in that blind bliss over the world I live in, where I could take things for granted because I didnt know otherwise, damn rights I would! I hate this world and would do anything not to be here, but instead be in their shoes. I am glad they dont have the same worries that I do. I am glad they dont have to cry everytime AF shows up. I am glad their current worst worry is how bad their morning sickness is. I am glad their worries are so minimal in comparison to what others have.... like never being able to get pg, or never being able to stay pg, or losing their baby half way through, or losing their baby at birth or losing their baby to SIDS etc etc. I am soooo HAPPY their worries are not on the same scale as mine. And they are 100% entitled to moan and groan about those worries and I wouldnt ever expect someone to worry about every FB status that they might offend someone. Someone may have lost someone to cancer, or someone they know may be a victim of bullying or racism, someone they know may have multiples, or another with infertility, or infant loss etc etc etc If every status I was worried about who I was going to upset.... I would never post a status.... but that being said, I never post about ttc as only a handful of ppl know we are... and even fewer know we are having such a hard time.

I dont mean to come across as rude but I dont feel the same as most people do when it comes to catering to my feelings.

This post made me think a bit. I definitely have had some people do/say things that are way out of line since I've been LTTTC that have revealed their true character (sometimes it's been for the good too).... Had to write some ppl off. But I do have those times when I'm just having a rough day with it and something gets thrown in my face out of sheer innocence and ignorance. It's a bit of a balance I guess. I try to protect myself as much as I can from these things that are going to send me into a tailspin but as you say I can't expect ppl to cater to my emotions.

As for fb - I have unsubscribed to all the actively reproductive folks. Now I can go on there without getting upset.

 

[Mommyagain]

I have never posted on fb about our infertility issues. I have really wanted to at times...like now. But I have refrained because only a handful of people know we are even trying. It is such a personal issue and I don't want everyone chiming in and giving their opinions and I know some would have an issue with how we are presently trying to have a baby (FET). I personally block anyone who announces a pregnancy on fb. Not out of dislike or anything but I have gotten on a few times to see a blaring row of positive hpt...while I am happy for them it is like a punch in the gut for me. This whole ltttc business is painful and I think through it all I have learned what I am made of and just how much I want to grow my family. Good luck to you Hun.

 

[Miss_Awesome]

Maybe it's because I've been blessed with a big mouth, but I've said things! I've never gotten down to the specifics, but I've posted something during Infertility Awareness Week that simply said something along the lines of, "While it's easy to brag or complain about your many 'baby blessings,' remember that some women hurt with every status like this they come across." I mostly got positive feedback in the form of people telling me to just adopt. I know it was their version of helping me, but I realized it hurt more than it helped and deleted it. I did have one "friend" go on and on about why I should just accept and be okay with not being able to get pregnant because she's able to get pregnant but has miscarriages. It's a terrible thing that she's gone through (two times, actually), but it felt like she was trying to "one-up" me. She's pregnant now so it was even harder to deal with.

I've also stopped caring if people can see what I write or "like" on Resolve's FB page. And a couple times I've linked news stories to my page that are showing how ridiculous certain states have been in trying to keep people from getting IVF (I'm looking at you, North Dakota! lol). Plus, I tend to panic when I post something and wind up deleting it before hardly anyone sees it.

 

[Mommyagain]

I am going to look up the Resolve page on fb.

 

[Princess Lou]

I don't get upset when I see status's etc because what they are experiencing is their problem and what I am experiencing is my problem.

I posted a few weeks ago that hubby and I had been TTC for nearly five years now and were having issues, all I got back was support and genuine interest because a lot of them have no idea about infertility.

When people say things to you about TTC, they genuinely believe they are helping and it's not fair to criticise them when they know nothing about what you are going through. Those that post about their back ache when pregnant and screaming children who won't give them a break are not doing it to be mean to you, what they are posting has no reflection on anyone's life except their own.

If you don't want to see their posts, hide them from your feed.

 

[Normajean951]

I don't get upset when I see status's etc because what they are experiencing is their problem and what I am experiencing is my problem.

I posted a few weeks ago that hubby and I had been TTC for nearly five years now and were having issues, all I got back was support and genuine interest because a lot of them have no idea about infertility.

When people say things to you about TTC, they genuinely believe they are helping and it's not fair to criticise them when they know nothing about what you are going through. Those that post about their back ache when pregnant and screaming children who won't give them a break are not doing it to be mean to you, what they are posting has no reflection on anyone's life except their own.

If you don't want to see their posts, hide them from your feed.

I waited a really long time to be able to conceive and as of now I haven't posted a single thing about my pregnancy on Facebook. While I was ttc I never have had negative feelings towards anyone that announced their pregnancy but a sister in law who I lived with and was very close to stopped talking to me when she found out I was expecting. She has been ttc for about 5 years so I tried to be understanding but I immediately moved out and me and hubby are much happier now. Due to her reaction though I did not know what to expect from other people so I never announced it on any public forums. Only my family and coworkers know I am pregnant. I don't think Facebook is the right place to post personal information anyway. I understand people get excited about their pregnancys but I feel like while other people might be happy for your news they DO NOT need a weekly update on YOUR pregnancy. That just seem so self absorbed to me. That said I do wish that women who are ttc would try to be more understanding when they hear of others pregnancy. My SIL reaction shocked me because she knew what I had been through to get a bfp. It does make me sad that another persons reaction put such a damper on my news. The worst part of all was that when my niece became pregnant 1 month before me, she seemed extremely excited for her. I have no clue why she reacted so negatively to my pregnancy. Maybe because we were ttc buddies.

 

[longing]

I find pregnancy announcements on fb hard, if its not expected and 'that picture' pops up on the feed, it always feels like a punch to me. But I never delete them or hide them, maybe I like tourturing myself but am curious and interested in how they deal with pregnancy and becoming a mum. I do find it hard if they complain a lot about it though.

As for posting myself, I have always wanted to really, just never had the guts. I am quite an open person and if someone asks then I tell them. This year was my resultion to do less exercise as I am used to hardcore cycle training, I get questions a lot more people are noticing I am doing less, I say why and they are generally understanding. It really is a shame it's such a taboo subject. I sometimes think life would be a little easier for us if it was a more accepted subject.

 

[mjemma]

I often wanted to post about infertility on FB but I never felt ready. I finally wrote this when I announced our pregnancy quite late on: "Happy Thanksgiving Y'all! Today I am thankful for being 24 weeks pregnant with our baby that took 2 long years to make. Every kick reminds me how lucky I am and how the hard wait was worth it."