Family getting annoyed...

[sunnylove]

My family, particularly DH's side is starting to get annoyed they can't babysit often because I'm nursing. I don't have a huge storage of milk as I've only been exclusively breastfeeding for 1.5 months so most all of my milk goes directly to babe. So I can't leave the baby with anyone for more than an hour. DH's side wants to babysit him one day while I'm at work (for 7 hours) and I said that simply wouldn't be possible because of the milk situation. I do not want to use formula but I feel pressured into not nursing anymore, constantly being asked "How long do you plan to breastfeed?" (The answer is always 'at least a year')

Hmph.

 

[Skittleblue]

This may not be the most helpful response or the most polite way of putting it, but they'll get over it. Or they won't. I'm still going through this with dh because he hates having to rely on me feeding her. The way I look at it, it's such a short time, and while it's great that they want to help and want to spend time with LO, it's pretty selfish to me to get irritated per something that's best for the baby.

Is it about spending time with your baby? If so, could you arrange visits so that they at least get that? We have a standing weekly visit with each set of grandparents, and that has helped a lot.

 

[missk1989]

Ignore ignore ignore. I used bf as an excuse not to have to leave lo until he was on solids and I could pump plenty to save.

 

[Mum2BKW]

They are being selfish, you are doing what's best for your baby. Stick at it mummy!

 

[AnneD]

Stick with it. There'll be plenty of babysitting chances later in baby's life when he isn't so dependent on milk. Don't give in to formula feeding if you don't want to. They'll just have to suck it up.

 

[Rachel_C]

I think I must be missing something. If you'll be at work for 7 hours, how will LO be fed then? Why can't they do that, whatever it is? Or will you be able to take LO to work?

That aside, I'd simply ignore it if they're just being awkward about nursing. Just keep stating what you're doing and why it's not possible for them to look after LO and don't be drawn into a discussion about it. How you feed your baby is about your baby and you, nobody else. If, in their eyes, their selfish desire to babysit trumps your baby's need for proper nutrition they're probably not the kind of people you'd want looking after your child anyway.

It may also help to remove breastfeeding from the 'problem' altogether. I don't ever leave my kids with the in-laws and they're 4 and 2 years old. I just don't feel okay about leaving the kids with them. When my oldest was a baby, we just said I wasn't ready to leave her and after a while it was forgotten, when it became clear that I wasn't going to change my mind with repeated asking. If they asked now, I'd just say something like, "Oh great, thanks for the offer. If I ever need you to babysit, I'll give you a call". Saying something like that kind of puts people on the back foot as it makes it clear that you view babysitting as something kind they're offering to do to benefit you and the baby, rather than it being about what they want (which it is, but they probably won't want to shout out about!).

 

[AP]

The problem is your in laws hun. Stick with it. Dont let them chip into you.

 

[Peppermint25]

Definitely don't be pushed up formula feed, your happily breastfeeding so you shouldn't feel you have to do that to please anyone. I personally would also say no thanks, as I hate the thought of leaving my LO with anyone else. I just couldn't do it! If my inlaws asked me, despite the fact I ebf I would say no thanks as I'm not ready to be apart from her and will give them a shout as soon as I am x

 

[lanaross]

First of all that's the silliest reason I've ever heard to push somebody into formula. You're doing great, don't listen, keep doing what you're doing. Your baby needs it more than ever since breastmilk is their immune system. My DD never got sick until 7 months when I stopped breastfeeding. As far as pumping goes, you can pump 1-2 oz after the morning feeding when LO's nap is the longest and you'll be fine with your supply. If you pump for a couple weeks, it'll be enough for babysitting. Also when my MIL wants to babysit or bond with DS, I feed him first and then they spend time together for an hour or two until it's time for his nap and another feed, you can try that too?

 

[sunnylove]

Thanks for the responses, ladies. I think the problem is that family has babysat a handful of times when LO came home from the NICU and I had an ample supply of milk from pumping for the 3 months he was in the hospital. Now I've run out of all that milk. (I stupidly didn't start breastfeeding until I was almost completely run out of the stash of milk that I bottle fed him for almost 2 months.) Now, suddenly no one can really babysit and they blame it on me breastfeeding. Blah.

I think I must be missing something. If you'll be at work for 7 hours, how will LO be fed then? Why can't they do that, whatever it is? Or will you be able to take LO to work?

I've been taking LO to work with me for almost 3 months now; I work in the family business.

 

[susannah14]

Thanks for the responses, ladies. I think the problem is that family has babysat a handful of times when LO came home from the NICU and I had an ample supply of milk from pumping for the 3 months he was in the hospital. Now I've run out of all that milk. (I stupidly didn't start breastfeeding until I was almost completely run out of the stash of milk that I bottle fed him for almost 2 months.) Now, suddenly no one can really babysit and they blame it on me breastfeeding. Blah.

Wait, so between the time that your LO came home and the time you ran out of milk...you weren't breastfeeding? Were you pumping? How did you keep your supply?

I agree with the others, they will get over it. Breastfeeding is the natural option and the best thing for your baby, so any problem they have with it is their problem only.

 

[Teeny]

ugh!

u will regret it, so keep what ur doing.

pump in the morning when u can to rebuild stash, and remember for every bit of frozen milk used for a bottle, u will need to pump so it will be replaced.

they can do a few hrs with one bottle, but the rest has to be up to u and how u feel.

don't do it for others, do what's right for u and lo xxx

 

[Foogirl]

just tell them it's not forever, you want to give your LO the best start and are fortunate enough to be able to do it, ask them to give you a few months peace about it and when you've established him weaning, you'll be happy to have them sit for you. Or, accept their offer but they've to bring him to work when he needs fed.......

 

[Disneygrl]

They are being selfish, you are doing what's best for your baby. Stick at it mummy!

What she said!

 

[ClaireJ23]

You should not feel pressurised into formula-feeding so that they can babysit. There will be years ahead where they will get that opportunity, but these months with you are precious.

 

[Dragonfly]

 

[J22]

Oh my goodness! I really think you should put it straight to them (or your OH should for you). You´re doing the best thing for your baby and they should be supporting you through it. I´ve been bf for 4 months and am not in a position to have anyone babysit because I need to feed my baby atleast regularly. Bf is what I chose because I consider it to be the best option and no-one should ever pressure you otherwise. Well done for sticking to your guns and good luck xxx

 

[MetalMaiden]

my OH's fam was the same. luckily we live far away so they dont have to babysit during the day but while i was there for weeks at a time during mat leave his mom got into quite a snit fit and has very different opinions of BF than me and OH. She was mad that i wouldn't leave her overnight or more than a couple hours. even when we were all there if DD started crying and wanted to feed they wud continue to hold and bounce her and "ignore" the fact that she wanted a boobie. Stick to your guns, dont let them pressure you to quit. My OH would tell his mom to back off and we both strongly value BF because I am able to. does your OH have your back and comfortable with telling them that thats your perogative as a family? They'll get over it. my MIL was trying to feed her all sorts of crap and I was very pissed. Made me not even want to let them watch her for the short periods i would allow. Good for you for doing what you can dont let them bully you!! my inlaws are bullies in their own right also.

 

[kerrie24]

Its your baby,they had theirs and you want to enjoy your baby and not loan him out for their entertainment.I had rxactly the same but they soon got sick of whining.

 

[sunnylove]

Now, the step-MIL is insisting on overnight visits. My husband declined and said that I didn't have enough milk to have LO stay overnight. When she then asked me, I said I wasn't ready for that (as in, I'm not ready for my son to be away from me at night). Last night when we dropped him off so they could babysit (about 4 hours) step-MIL said as we were leaving, "If you change your mind, we would love for him to stay overnight! We can come up with some milk!" OMG. NO. I do not want him on formula and she KNOWS that. She knows that it's super important to me that he only has breastmilk, especially since he was an extremely premature baby. But all the pressure! She is telling my husband "oh, it's a first time mom thing, she'll get over it." UGH. She is so annoying about this! Why can't she just respect my wishes that I WANT TO NURSE MY CHILD, OK!? I mean, she nursed her kids, but not for very long. She told me a story about how she eventually put them on formula because she felt awkward breastfeeding in front of family and she didn't want to have to go off in a room to nurse. Blah.