Family is so discouraging about second baby

[Katy Bug]

I haven't told anyone we want to try soon but I've kinda hinted that I want another. The responses I got from my sisters, mom and grandmother were that I need to wait a little longer, at least until our boy is potty trained and around "3". I'm sorry but that's society's norm for baby spacing, not mine. My spouse and I really want another baby. Sure, life will be more hectic but I'm ready to brace it. I never thought me out of all people would want to be pregnant again (bc the first birth was emotionally horrible).

We still want to try soon but my family thinks I need to follow their advice and wait. I don't know how three would be any better of a gap than 2. Because quite frankly, my 3 year old nephew is a horror and has just recently been potty trained. My oldest sister doesn't know what to think because she doesn't even want more kids. One is more than she can handle..but I'm more family oriented and I stay at home with my boy, so my life isn't as stressed as hers or my mom.

So in the end do you just do what you feel like doing anyway? Because I am. And even if it means way less sleep and more work, my love for two will still be greater.

Thoughts? Similar situations?

 

[slg76]

I think if it feels right to you and you are bring a baby into a loving, responsible family then go for it! It's you who will live with the decision and maybe this is exactly the right thing for your family. I know tons of people with smaller age gaps than that. By the way, my girl is 3 1/2 and isn't potty trained yet. I've never understood the big deal about diapers anyhow. It's actually easier to change diapers than potty train in my opinion. My daughter is a great kid and I wouldn't think there would have been a huge difference in the amount of work with two kids now versus a year ago. We've been trying for number two since dd was just turning 2 Good luck

 

[tverb84]

I think if you and your oh want to have another baby then you should.I don't see the problem with wanting a second child.

 

[Rei]

I was unaware society had a norm for age spacing. If any kind of norm exists most people where I'm from prefer to have their second babies ASAP I mean barely a year apart. XD
Your family is just looking out for you though I'm sure. My advice is just take it as advice and leave it at that. You know what is right for your family more than anyone and if ya'll want a second child soon I wouldn't worry what others say.

 

[LockandKey]

I got pregnant with my 2nd right around the time my first was 18 months. It is a bit hectic at times, but worth it. Right now I am changing 2 different people's diapers, but since my daughter is older, she needs less than half the changing in a day my son does, so it's really not a big deal to be honest. Adding in a second baby was far easier than I thought it would be. I struggled after I had my daughter, once my son was born, life resumed without even missing a beat.

Don't ever worry about what other people think, do what you want with your life and what you feel is best. When my son was born, my daughter was barely 2, but I honestly can't imagine my 2 being spaced out any farther than they are now, it has worked out wonderfully for us.

And just for the record, I had such a rough birth with my daughter (vaginal) that everyone felt the need to tell me I should get a C section with my son to avoid another traumatic birth, but I refused, instead I saw a midwife and she helped me achieve the most wonderful birth experience, I would do it again in a heartbeat. My son was born complication free, no assistance, no tearing, no stitches necessary, and only 35 mins of pushing. A lot of people say 2nd births are so much easier, and for me it was true

 

[Pearls18]

The only people I would listen to in regards to when/if to have another baby are:

- my husband
- my doctor
- my children
- my bank manager lol

I don't give a flying you-know-what about anyone else's opinion

 

[Katy Bug]

The only people I would listen to in regards to when/if to have another baby are:

- my husband
- my doctor
- my children
- my bank manager lol

I don't give a flying you-know-what about anyone else's opinion

Haha, you're right. My husband wants another. We both do. He's actually the one that keeps bringing it up. Then I tried to figure out everything we'd need to do to the house (getting rid of stuff for another room, moving furniture from one to another, cleaning out the closet, etc.) and then thought about more costs. I asked him if our bill from my son's birth was almost paid off and he said it would be paid off by the time we had another kid. So financially, we'd be good. He has a good job, is at the top paid he can be, he just works a lot.

As for my doctor, I haven't been to a gyn since the time I went after my son was born. I was supposed to go for a pap smear for whatever reason in 2013 but forgot about the appointment and they never called about it so I just never went back. Is it important to go to your doctor before having another baby? I wasn't high risk with the first pregnancy..

 

[Pearls18]

The only people I would listen to in regards to when/if to have another baby are:

- my husband
- my doctor
- my children
- my bank manager lol

I don't give a flying you-know-what about anyone else's opinion

Haha, you're right. My husband wants another. We both do. He's actually the one that keeps bringing it up. Then I tried to figure out everything we'd need to do to the house (getting rid of stuff for another room, moving furniture from one to another, cleaning out the closet, etc.) and then thought about more costs. I asked him if our bill from my son's birth was almost paid off and he said it would be paid off by the time we had another kid. So financially, we'd be good. He has a good job, is at the top paid he can be, he just works a lot.

As for my doctor, I haven't been to a gyn since the time I went after my son was born. I was supposed to go for a pap smear for whatever reason in 2013 but forgot about the appointment and they never called about it so I just never went back. Is it important to go to your doctor before having another baby? I wasn't high risk with the first pregnancy..

No hun I just meant that if a doctor has purposefully said to me I shouldn't have a child for whatever reason I would listen to them, so their opinion would matter to me, but thankfully not been in that position

 

[KalonKiki]

Yep, my mother and MIL are really trying to convince us not to have any more. They think it will be easier on us and that DS will have a perfect life if we just stick with one and done, but we both want more children. Frankly we don't give a flying frak what our family and friends think, we're amazing parents and we want more children, so we're going to have as many as we want.

 

[babyjan]

For me it's one of my good friends, she always advices to me to wait as my life will be over once I have a 2nd

She has three kids, an almost 6 year old then a 2 year old and a 14 month old, her last two have a 13 month age gap I think, anyways she is always telling me that I won't ever be able to do anything again in life if I have another and that I should wait till at least my son is 4 and in school so that way I will have time to suffer with morning sickness alone and care for a baby whilst his away, I tell her I want my son to have a sibling and play mate but she thinks it's ridiculous. It's weird cause she has 3 kids so it's funny she is telling me not have another yet, OH thinks she's being evil lol.

But I agree with Marinewag, it's really no one else's business as long as you and OH are happy with the desicion.

My friend even goes as far as to say no one will even help me if I'm struggling or sick during pregnancy as no one cares about 2nd babies!

 

[mkyerby16]

You have to do what feels best for you and your own little family and unfortunately although it would be nice to have support you just have to ignore everyone else's input. Hopefully they will be supportive when the time actually comes though.
I kind of know how you feel though, my dad in particular is so against me having my first... of course my parents were married for 10 years before they had me so I guess that's why. We are going to start TTC in June, but aren't telling anyone our plans until I'm pregnant. Just tonight I mentioned something about changing the floor in a room of our house because it will be better for when we have kids and my dad speaks up "well that won't be for another 10-15 years anyway so don't worry about that".... Really? That's up to you how? And yes I'm only 24 now but in 15 years I'll be almost 40 so uhh no. lol I'm kind of worried about how much his reaction is going to crush me when I finally am pregnant and tell him, hopefully he'll be happy but I'm almost expecting a "what did you go and do that for?" Once I actually have the baby though and he's a grandpa I know he'll turn all mushy bc that's just how he is. So best of luck!!

 

[ttc bubby no2]

It is not up to them at all so they should just keep their opinions to themselves! We have a 3 year (+ 4 days) gap and our first son wasn't toilet trained by then anyway. We did plan to have a smaller gap but had one miscarriage and it took some time to get pregnant. I think if you are ready now (or soon) then you should go for it as you never know if it will take longer to fall pregnant the 2nd time.

As for normal spacing, I feel like a 3 year gap is less common. The most common gap I see with friends is 2 - 2.5 years. Of course my sample of friends isn't really a reliable source of information but that is just what I see

 

[Pearls18]

It is not up to them at all so they should just keep their opinions to themselves! We have a 3 year (+ 4 days) gap and our first son wasn't toilet trained by then anyway. We did plan to have a smaller gap but had one miscarriage and it took some time to get pregnant. I think if you are ready now (or soon) then you should go for it as you never know if it will take longer to fall pregnant the 2nd time.

As for normal spacing, I feel like a 3 year gap is less common. The most common gap I see with friends is 2 - 2.5 years. Of course my sample of friends isn't really a reliable source of information but that is just what I see

I was gonna say the same, we have a 3 year (and 3 months) gap and I would say we are "abnormal" most people I know have 18 months-2.5 years between the kids.

 

[Angelbaby_01]

I have this with my grandmother, but we don't care. I am TTC #2 regardless. We don't need their approval and besides, once I walk around with the bump they will be all over the moon and will "ooo and aaa" when the baby is born.