Family Not Very Supportive...Any Advice?

[westbrja]

The women in my family, altho I love them to death, are a bit outspoken and overpowering. With my first 2 I BF'ed and loved it. I never had any thoughts on bottle feeding. DD was 5lbs 8oz and DS was 5lbs 11oz. They both nursed every hour for about 45 mins. It got very demanding on me. My mom and aunt were convinced that they weren't getting enough to eat and they were starving. They told me on a daily basis that they didn't think I was producing enough milk and I should supplement. Altho I know many healthy babies are formula fed and I don't mean to offend but it wasn't for us. But when you are exhausted and worn out and have someone in your ear telling you that they will stop crying if you give them a bottle, it sounds very good. I'm now preggo with baby #3 and plan to exclusively BF. I can already hear their mouths if the baby let's out one cry. Any ideas on getting those women to shutup?

 

[chirp123]

That is rough. My mother can be critical of how I raise my children. Just remind her that she has already raised her children, no it is your turn. Bfing is such a beautiful, natural and generous gift for your baby. Stand your ground and know that you are doing something amazing!!

 

[westbrja]

They say they understand my feeling but they are not as passionate about it. My mom nursed me for a very short period and my aunt only adopted and never had the chance. I guess it was even harder with DD as this was my 1st time and I was questioning my supply. I was gauging my supply based on my pumping output which was minimal.

 

[lindypops]

If they understand your feelings about bf they should respect your decision and bite their tongues.

I'm guessing your other two children are now happy and healthy? Can't you just point to them and say something like 'they did well on it, and so will my next child. I know bf takes its toll and isn't always easy, but I think it's worth it for my child's sake'.

 

[Jemima]

I would just make your feelings clear for them before the baby comes along and tell them that under no circumstances do you want them to offer you their opinions on the way you are feeding this baby. Tell them that you appreciate that they have the baby's best interests at heart but that it made you feel bad last time and you don't want to experience those negative feelings again.

 

[KarenN]

I'm guessing your other two children are now happy and healthy? Can't you just point to them and say something like 'they did well on it, and so will my next child.

I agree here.

Nowadays I take my mom's advice religiously because everything is new to me, but this is not your first time, and if all went well before they should trust your judgment.

I guess the important thing here is to say it with good spirits, maybe with a bit of humor so they'll get the idea without getting offended - I'm sure they mean well.

 

[Seraphim]

I'd express every last drop and pour it on her cornflakes. Then ask her "Is that enough for you?"

Sorry, but some people just need to learn when to butt out!



Hope you find the answer xx

 

[Minstermind]

Agreed with the others. Also, on a side note about pumping milk - I produced loads of milk for my son but was never successful at expressing milk - not once. I tried it by hand and tried using the pump, and all I got was wee little amounts. So for me, anyway, the amount I produced had nothing to do with what I could express.

 

[Seraphim]

Agreed with the others. Also, on a side note about pumping milk - I produced loads of milk for my son but was never successful at expressing milk - not once. I tried it by hand and tried using the pump, and all I got was wee little amounts. So for me, anyway, the amount I produced had nothing to do with what I could express.

Very true.

 

[TigerLady]

I can't count the number of times people have tried to get me to top my little up or supplement -- starting with the nurses in the hospital. Even now, when LO is in a growth spurt and getting frustrated at the bb, my mom or DH will say "Let me make him a bottle." I always so NO. I explain to them that he needs to work it out at the boob or my supply won't increase and then I won't be able to feed him.

You just have to put your foot down. If I were you, I would say to them:

I am going to exclusively breastfeed this baby. S/he will not be getting a bottle or formula. Full stop. Please don't ask me to give him one, please don't pressure me about. I don't want or need to hear it. As long as the baby is gaining weight and meeting milestones, he will NOT be getting formula or bottles, so please don't bring it up.

If you start saying that now, maybe they will get the message by the time LO is here!

 

[westbrja]

Great points ladies. It made it hard because LO's did seem to cry alot and then when I let my mom give a bottle it made them stop. Now I know the difference behind formula vs boob juice. Any ideas on how to increase my pumping output? I tried the whole relax and look at a pic of LO and nothing ever seemed to work.

 

[TigerLady]

I mentioned it in the other thread, but will here, too.

--high quality double electric pump is best
--making sure everything is sealed properly and you are getting a good vacuum
--having the right size shields for you
--high protien diet (at least 65 g per day)
--try pumping at different times during the day (how much you get changes through the day)
--extra skin to skin with LO to build a bigger supply (esp in the bath)
--allow pumping to continue after you aren't getting any (but not past about 20 min per bb)
--mother's milk supplements like fenugreek
--pumping for a few minutes after LO feeds

Of course, some of these things may result in overproduction for LO's needs. But over is better than under IMHO. You can store the extra and donate it if you have a hospital near you that will take it.

 

[westbrja]

Great info, thanks so much!

 

[pennysbored]

Ah, well intended family. Gotta love 'em...
You gotta let them know if they really want to support you they can help with your first 2 LO, help with food preparation for the rest of your family, etc.
I had to really keep explaining myself with my OH as my first was formula fed due to her prematurity (its a long story) and he was having a hard time watching me struggle.
You will turn a corner with your new LO, and it won't be so constant, and then everyone will see what you've been ranting about.
Lots of love!