Family planning

[teamandy]

How does family planning work anyways? What did you do?

Our pregnancy was not planned but now that we started, I want them all in a row so I can be over and done with and have them close in age and have them go to school together.

I want 3 kids (maybe 4).

Did you plan your family right off the bat or do you just take pregnancies as they come?

What do you think is better?

I'm a day shy of 33 weeks carrying our first baby and despite the HELL i'm going through with this pregnancy, I can envision our cute little family Everyone says "ohhh just wait till you have the first one...."

 

[RaspberryK]

I would just say that for me nothing has ever gone to plan, and I always wanted 4 but we are stopping at 2 now.
Xx

 

[teamandy]

Can I ask why? (if its not too personal) when people say they want to stop at (certain amount) I never understand why. They just say "# of kids" is a handful already.

 

[Gingerspice]

I generally said I wanted 2. First came unexpected and timing was sooner than intended with career and things, so the original 2 year gagap wouldn't work. Plus, dd was an awful child and even now at 4.5 yrs doesn't need sleep, is super energetic and was a traumatic birth plus first year was super tough. By the time we then decided to go for number 2 it would have been smallest of 3 year gap but then it took over a year of trying before getting pregnant. In fact the month I fell pregnant was the last month I was going to try, after that it was just going to accept one was our gift. Anyway, this one is now overdue and the gap is h eager to 5 years. I never intended to have that gap, but circumstances just mean that's what we've got. Can't always plan these things

 

[RaspberryK]

Not at all, we originally wanted a 2 year age gap but then when ds was 9 months dh work dried up for a while, took us a while to get back on track financially as the job I got only really fed us. Took us time to pay back family members etc while we waited for cash flow to be sorted.
Then we had marital problems and also I had to have treatment for abnormal cells on my cervix.
We conceived last christmas but miscarried and here we are now with a 3.5 year age gap if all goes well.
This pregnancy hasn't been particularly easy, I really don't want to do it again.
Plus we didn't have our first as early as we thought due to buying a house I don't feel like I'd fit in another 2 without being too old (27now) and the age gap between the eldest and youngest being too big.
Then I look at the practicality of which car would fit everyone in, holidays would be more difficult with accommodation etc.
Xx

 

[alexspargo]

I am pregnant with my 4th. The first was a surprise, the next two were planned and this one was a surprise. I always envisioned myself with three kids but I am happy with four. I feel like once you hit three, having one or two more doesn't add much more stress. Financial stress yes, but life stress, no. People seem to have the hardest time adjusting when jumping from two to three since that is when you and your spouse become outnumbered. At two you can still kind of pretend you are in control. Once you hit three all semblance of control goes out the window and you learn how to roll with the punches and really think on your toes. I think if you and your spouse are laid back people who don't mind chaos and a constantly cluttered home then three or more is fine. If you enjoy quiet, calm and cleanliness then maybe stop at one or two. I personally love the chaos and wouldn't have it any other way. My kids make even the most mundane trip to the grocery store an adventure

My only concern if I were you is the physical toll on your body of having kids back to back. My kids are 10, 7, 2 and this one is due March 3rd. I had my first at 19 and I'll be having my last at 30. I do not think I would choose to have them back to back because that would significantly add to the stress. For example, I took my three kids to a Science Museum last weekend by myself. The 10 year old and the 7 year old are old enough to run around on their own and I do not feel the need to keep them under constant supervision. The 2 year old, obviously not so much. I was able to let the 10 year old keep an eye on the 7 year old while I focused only on the 2 year old. If I had a 5 year old, 3 year and 2 year old that would not be possible and it would have not been enjoyable for anyone. Basically, having them spaced out versus having them close together can't really be compared. If I were just now staring at 30 with my first I do not think I would have more than 2.

 

[alexspargo]

One more thing I forgot to mention is the practicality of needing more space. I am trading in my car for a minivan (I am becoming one of THOSE moms lol) and we are having to move to a bigger house to accommodate everyone. It wasn't until I was about 3 months pregnant with this one that I realized I couldn't fit everyone in my car anymore!! That's another thing to think about when having them back to back: They all have to be in car seats which take up SOOO much room and they all have to sit in the back.

 

[teamandy]

I am pregnant with my 4th. The first was a surprise, the next two were planned and this one was a surprise. I always envisioned myself with three kids but I am happy with four. I feel like once you hit three, having one or two more doesn't add much more stress. Financial stress yes, but life stress, no. People seem to have the hardest time adjusting when jumping from two to three since that is when you and your spouse become outnumbered. At two you can still kind of pretend you are in control. Once you hit three all semblance of control goes out the window and you learn how to roll with the punches and really think on your toes. I think if you and your spouse are laid back people who don't mind chaos and a constantly cluttered home then three or more is fine. If you enjoy quiet, calm and cleanliness then maybe stop at one or two. I personally love the chaos and wouldn't have it any other way. My kids make even the most mundane trip to the grocery store an adventure

My only concern if I were you is the physical toll on your body of having kids back to back. My kids are 10, 7, 2 and this one is due March 3rd. I had my first at 19 and I'll be having my last at 30. I do not think I would choose to have them back to back because that would significantly add to the stress. For example, I took my three kids to a Science Museum last weekend by myself. The 10 year old and the 7 year old are old enough to run around on their own and I do not feel the need to keep them under constant supervision. The 2 year old, obviously not so much. I was able to let the 10 year old keep an eye on the 7 year old while I focused only on the 2 year old. If I had a 5 year old, 3 year and 2 year old that would not be possible and it would have not been enjoyable for anyone. Basically, having them spaced out versus having them close together can't really be compared. If I were just now staring at 30 with my first I do not think I would have more than 2.

Ah this adds perspective. Thanks I never thought of these things. I keep thinking that as soon as I have this baby, I'll be back to my runner self and things won't change THAT much.

 

[teamandy]

Ah. Thanks for sharing. Hmm I never considered that it may take a bit of time to conceive. I guess I'll have to take it day by day...

Thanks again

 

[alexspargo]

One last thing to consider (BTW, sorry for all the posts I just think this is important) is that school times are staggered. For example, if you have a Kindergartner, a 2nd grader and a 4th grader they will all get out of school at different times. At my kids school Kinders get out at 11:45, 1st, 2nd and 3rd get out at 1:50 and 4th, 5th and 6th get out at 2:30. Basically that means just picking up your kids from school can take from 11:15 (you have to get there early otherwise it is a zoo) until 3:00 (because is takes for-freaking-ever to move through that line). The logistics of school never occurred to me until mine became school age. It is a miracle that parents are able to work at all. Sure, you can pay for daycare or have them in afterschool care but when you have several children, after awhile you realize most of your paycheck is being used to pay someone else to raise your kids.

And I'm done, I promise

 

[HelenJane]

I think that is brilliant advice. We only have 1 child right now, soon to be 2 and I have always said I would like 4 children. Most of my friends have stopped at two though so I do have to wonder why lol.
For us I do envisage a big family but I think its best to take it as it comes and see how you feel

 

[QuintinsMommy]

this willl be our last, we don't want to be out number so 2 is good for us,

 

[MrsKChicago]

I'm pregnant with my first, and the eventually goal is to have two, but I'm open to either deciding we want more, or deciding that one is definitely enough. I suspect it will depend to a degree on this one's personality, but I have a good relationship with my brother, and I'd like my kid to have that potential, too. The ideal plan is to start TTC when this guy is about a year old, so they're closer together in age, but it will depend on finances and whether we feel ready for another kid. And of course there's no guarantee we'd conceive easily again - I'll be 32 in a week, and I don't think my fertility will tank tomorrow, but I am reaching the point where things can start to slow down. And of course, at my age, the giant family ship has likely sailed. Which is fine, because once we're past two kids, we're looking at having to get a bigger car, and having to either move or do a major renovation, and a longer period that I can't work (because Chicago daycare costs just aren't worth it). We can probably afford two, I doubt we could afford six.

I think a lot of it is down to personality. Some people are thrilled with just one, and some really cherish a crowded house. And some planned one or two and accidentally ended up with a few extras I think our odds of an accidental baby are low (we made it 11 years with no surprises through lots of caution and probably a little luck, so I doubt things will change drastically any time soon), but if it happened, we'd welcome the new addition pretty happily, I think.