Fathers Rights?? I really need your help. Advice please? I'm so desperate.

[rexxii2012]

Hi everyone,

Right I really need help. I had my daughter Scarlett on 1st October. All through my pregnancy I suffered a degree of dosmetic abuse and my partner just did not look after me or care for the baby inside of me he did some horrible things and said some horrible things. I never suffered ANY physical abuse however. My daughter was born and I was pretending that everything was ok but it was not.

When I was pregnant

- he didn't buy her any clothes
- spent all his money on going out and drinking
- told me 'he didn't care if I was a single mum or not'
- he made me live in a undecorated house and I slept on the floor
- he stopped me from seeing my family
- controlled all the money and spent it on going out, i even drank soda water so he could drink more beer
- he spent all our money so sometimes we didn't even have money for food

thats just a few examples.

So when I took my daughter home he continued being useless and sat in bed all day, he didn't buy my daughter anything, he didn't do any feeds, cuddle her or make any effort with her. One time I did leave Scarlett with him whilst she was crying for a feed I came back upstairs and he roughly handed me her over the bed, really arsy with her. When she was one day old he got back from rugby training and shoved his muddy finger in her mouth saying she would be fine and I was over reacting about sterlisation and I didn't need to worry about it. I then completely lost any trust that I had in him to look after my daughter and I became very over protective of her and I wouldn't let him prepare her feeds or cuddle her as I was scared he could make her ill or hurt her by being too heavy handed with her.

He already has a son which he parents rather badly and irresponsibly, in my opinion, so I was worried about Scarlett, his family are also rather unsavoury. Basically when he wanted to go out which was all the time, he had access to his son on the weekend, he would give him to his mum. His mum then took his son where he stayed at his grandparents house, where it is FILTHY, there is chinchilla poo on the floor, dog hairs everywhere, the washing up isn't done and the toilets are never cleaned. Another thing is they drink themselves unconcious both grandma and granddad whilst caring for his son. Also when they've all had a bit to drink they argue, shouting and screaming and they on one occasion have had the police round their house a result of their drunk arguments with the mother claiming the father had hit her. Harvey also sits round in the same clothes all weekend and the same underwear which get filthy. They have horrible attitudes towards other people and are racist. My ex partners brothers are also unsavoury one of them steals thousands of pounds from his parents and has been taken to court for abh for putting a cigarette out on a little girl. The other brother is just a fat lazy so and so, does not have a job and has told my exs son that santa isn't real just an example of what he is like.

My ex partner also when he had access to his son BUT shipped him off to his mums has been on huge drug binges and has chosen to hang out with his mates and take drugs over spending the night with his son.

I have taken all these things into account when I left him I just couldn't stand by and let all this happen to Scarlett. I was beside myself. So one night he was so desperate to go out he made me go to my mums, he was so desperate to go out he willingly sent me there which says alot. He let his friend take drugs in the downstairs toilet of the family home and that was the last straw I left and took my daughter with me.

After that I have let Tansley see Scarlett quite a few times and said I would not stop contact BUT everytime he came to see her which would be about three hours long, he held her for about half hour and spent the rest of the time trying to get me to get back with him. The last time he seen her he held her for half and hour and spent the rest of the time doing that and saying some horrible things.

I HAVE NOT PUT HIM ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT HIM TO HAVE ANY PARENTAL RIGHTS TO MY BABY. I have stopped access now not because I am bitter but I DO NOT want Scarlett to have what Harvey has had, irresponsible parenting, being sent to his mums when he wants to go out, all the arguing, drinking, dirty and uncleanliness, horrible attitudes and that. I do not want that to be shown to my daughter and it to have an effect on her. I am dedicated to my daughter and want all the best for her. I do not want him or his family to have anything to do with her. He doesn't have any relationship with her anyway.

He has now messaged me saying he can see her without parental responsibility and he is going to take me to court so he can see her. He won't look after her properly and do everything that he has done to Harvey to Scarlett can I stop it ??? PLEASE HELP

I am so grateful for any advice you can give.

 

[Ceejay123]

Hey Hun, if he goes through solicitors (could be expensive, does he work?) He'll eventually get his name on the birth certificate. Took my OH about 2 years to do this. Then he'll have full parental responsibility.. BUT if you are concerned, simply offer supervised access when it comes down to it. Court will have to listen for a while..

I'm sorry to say, yes he will probably get access, but you can make it on your terms and your rules, iykwim? You can have it supervised by Cafcass (Sort of child welfare) or yourself/family member so he can't push you. x

 

[Dezireey]

I think you should start writing things down about him and gather as much evidence as you can against this man. From what you have said, I think your daughter would be in serious danger if left in his care. If not from neglect when she needs something, then maybe he may lose his temper with her. You need to ensure in some way or another that this man NEVER has her on his own. I would get a good lawyer, stop communicating with him in any form and let the courts help out. I cant beleive they will grant him custody in anyway but you have to make sure he has no leg to stand on.

He sounds like an utterly vile individual that shouldnt be anywhere near children.

 

[Ceejay123]

I think you should start writing things down about him and gather as much evidence as you can against this man. From what you have said, I think your daughter would be in serious danger if left in his care. If not from neglect when she needs something, then maybe he may lose his temper with her. You need to ensure in some way or another that this man NEVER has her on his own. I would get a good lawyer, stop communicating with him in any form and let the courts help out. I cant beleive they will grant him custody in anyway but you have to make sure he has no leg to stand on.

He sounds like an utterly vile individual that shouldnt be anywhere near children.

I agree with this. They're very - 'Pro fatherly contact' at the minute, but with your concerns I'm sure they'd take supervised visitation into serious consideration. I'd also stop speaking to him x

 

[rexxii2012]

I think you should start writing things down about him and gather as much evidence as you can against this man. From what you have said, I think your daughter would be in serious danger if left in his care. If not from neglect when she needs something, then maybe he may lose his temper with her. You need to ensure in some way or another that this man NEVER has her on his own. I would get a good lawyer, stop communicating with him in any form and let the courts help out. I cant beleive they will grant him custody in anyway but you have to make sure he has no leg to stand on.

He sounds like an utterly vile individual that shouldnt be anywhere near children.

He is a vile individual, I do not understand what I ever saw him. I'm so desperate to keep her away from him I'm actually considering moving abroad. I think she would be in danger or neglected if left in his care, I do not trust him or any of his associates. One time when I was with him he left his friend pratically dangle his other child out of the window of our upstairs flat. I have stopped communicating with him. Massive thing is though hes got a statement from the mother of his other child claiming him to be a perfect dad but she is just as bad as he is.

 

[rexxii2012]

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[rexxii2012]

I think you should start writing things down about him and gather as much evidence as you can against this man. From what you have said, I think your daughter would be in serious danger if left in his care. If not from neglect when she needs something, then maybe he may lose his temper with her. You need to ensure in some way or another that this man NEVER has her on his own. I would get a good lawyer, stop communicating with him in any form and let the courts help out. I cant beleive they will grant him custody in anyway but you have to make sure he has no leg to stand on.

He sounds like an utterly vile individual that shouldnt be anywhere near children.

I agree with this. They're very - 'Pro fatherly contact' at the minute, but with your concerns I'm sure they'd take supervised visitation into serious consideration. I'd also stop speaking to him x

No he doesn't work but his parents are quite wealthy. Did you put your ex on the birth certificate? I am really concerned... should i offer supervised access before he goes to court to get parental responsibility or wait till he's done it. I know he will get access deep down but he is just so disgusting. Yes I know what you mean.... I have stopped speaking to him altogether for about a month now but hes sort of obsessed with me and still saying he loves me and wants to see scarlett. xx

 

[Ceejay123]

I think you should start writing things down about him and gather as much evidence as you can against this man. From what you have said, I think your daughter would be in serious danger if left in his care. If not from neglect when she needs something, then maybe he may lose his temper with her. You need to ensure in some way or another that this man NEVER has her on his own. I would get a good lawyer, stop communicating with him in any form and let the courts help out. I cant beleive they will grant him custody in anyway but you have to make sure he has no leg to stand on.

He sounds like an utterly vile individual that shouldnt be anywhere near children.

I agree with this. They're very - 'Pro fatherly contact' at the minute, but with your concerns I'm sure they'd take supervised visitation into serious consideration. I'd also stop speaking to him x

No he doesn't work but his parents are quite wealthy. Did you put your ex on the birth certificate? I am really concerned... should i offer supervised access before he goes to court to get parental responsibility or wait till he's done it. I know he will get access deep down but he is just so disgusting. Yes I know what you mean.... I have stopped speaking to him altogether for about a month now but hes sort of obsessed with me and still saying he loves me and wants to see scarlett. xx

I'm still with my FOB Hun, but he has an older son that he wasn't put on the birth certificate for. He went to court for access and had his name put on a couple of years later.

If I were you i'd completely cut personal contact with him, if he wants access or something offer him supervised with you AND a family member there, so that he can't harass you. Tell him NOT to contact you, if he does.. note it, save it. Show it to the police and show them he's harassing you. Court will not be nice to him if he's harassing you, and if he goes to a solicitor he will be told not to contact you while proceedings are going on - So it may force him to move forwards.

If he wants parental responsibility make sure you get an residence order to state she lives with you. x

 

[rexxii2012]

I think you should start writing things down about him and gather as much evidence as you can against this man. From what you have said, I think your daughter would be in serious danger if left in his care. If not from neglect when she needs something, then maybe he may lose his temper with her. You need to ensure in some way or another that this man NEVER has her on his own. I would get a good lawyer, stop communicating with him in any form and let the courts help out. I cant beleive they will grant him custody in anyway but you have to make sure he has no leg to stand on.

He sounds like an utterly vile individual that shouldnt be anywhere near children.

I agree with this. They're very - 'Pro fatherly contact' at the minute, but with your concerns I'm sure they'd take supervised visitation into serious consideration. I'd also stop speaking to him x

No he doesn't work but his parents are quite wealthy. Did you put your ex on the birth certificate? I am really concerned... should i offer supervised access before he goes to court to get parental responsibility or wait till he's done it. I know he will get access deep down but he is just so disgusting. Yes I know what you mean.... I have stopped speaking to him altogether for about a month now but hes sort of obsessed with me and still saying he loves me and wants to see scarlett. xx

I'm still with my FOB Hun, but he has an older son that he wasn't put on the birth certificate for. He went to court for access and had his name put on a couple of years later.

If I were you i'd completely cut personal contact with him, if he wants access or something offer him supervised with you AND a family member there, so that he can't harass you. Tell him NOT to contact you, if he does.. note it, save it. Show it to the police and show them he's harassing you. Court will not be nice to him if he's harassing you, and if he goes to a solicitor he will be told not to contact you while proceedings are going on - So it may force him to move forwards.

If he wants parental responsibility make sure you get an residence order to state she lives with you. x

Oh right okay, I just don't want this to happen. I have cut all personal contact with him, I've not spoke to him for roughly around a month. So skip court and just offer supervised access? What do I need to get for a residence order? I am a good mum and have a very strong relationship with my daughter I have no reason for them to take her off me x

 

[Ceejay123]

Hopefully it won't end up going through solicitors. If he accepts supervised contact, there'll be no need or way for him to gain parental responsibility.. Which means you call all the shots. If he goes to court they probably will award him it.

In my OH's case, before court his solicitor said that the mother wanted a residence order as she had concerns he wouldn't return his son. He said that was fine - Solicitor turned around and said 'We'll award a residence order if you award parental responsibility'. So if it comes down to him asking the court for PR , just claim that you want a residence order in return as you're worried about him returning her/trying to claim her living with him. x

 

[Jennifurball]

If you are that scared, can you not get a restraining order against him?

 

[rexxii2012]

Hopefully it won't end up going through solicitors. If he accepts supervised contact, there'll be no need or way for him to gain parental responsibility.. Which means you call all the shots. If he goes to court they probably will award him it.

In my OH's case, before court his solicitor said that the mother wanted a residence order as she had concerns he wouldn't return his son. He said that was fine - Solicitor turned around and said 'We'll award a residence order if you award parental responsibility'. So if it comes down to him asking the court for PR , just claim that you want a residence order in return as you're worried about him returning her/trying to claim her living with him. x

I don't want him to have any PR whatsoever, hes a complete tool but I guess this useless waste of space will have a role in my daughters life. Im sure you OH had every right to see his child but my ex just shouldn't get the chance but I know he will. So skip court and offer him supervised access, I guess thats the only way.

 

[Ceejay123]

Hopefully it won't end up going through solicitors. If he accepts supervised contact, there'll be no need or way for him to gain parental responsibility.. Which means you call all the shots. If he goes to court they probably will award him it.

In my OH's case, before court his solicitor said that the mother wanted a residence order as she had concerns he wouldn't return his son. He said that was fine - Solicitor turned around and said 'We'll award a residence order if you award parental responsibility'. So if it comes down to him asking the court for PR , just claim that you want a residence order in return as you're worried about him returning her/trying to claim her living with him. x

I don't want him to have any PR whatsoever, hes a complete tool but I guess this useless waste of space will have a role in my daughters life. Im sure you OH had every right to see his child but my ex just shouldn't get the chance but I know he will. So skip court and offer him supervised access, I guess thats the only way.

I would if I were you, just to stop him getting parental responsibility, it doesn't sound like he deserves it at all. I agree with getting a restraining order. Also , if he carries on harassing you it'll hurt his chances in court. Don't feel obliged to offer him any contact if he is going to be abusive, try to get as much proof as you can that he's doing it to show to the courts. X

 

[rexxii2012]

Hopefully it won't end up going through solicitors. If he accepts supervised contact, there'll be no need or way for him to gain parental responsibility.. Which means you call all the shots. If he goes to court they probably will award him it.

In my OH's case, before court his solicitor said that the mother wanted a residence order as she had concerns he wouldn't return his son. He said that was fine - Solicitor turned around and said 'We'll award a residence order if you award parental responsibility'. So if it comes down to him asking the court for PR , just claim that you want a residence order in return as you're worried about him returning her/trying to claim her living with him. x

I don't want him to have any PR whatsoever, hes a complete tool but I guess this useless waste of space will have a role in my daughters life. Im sure you OH had every right to see his child but my ex just shouldn't get the chance but I know he will. So skip court and offer him supervised access, I guess thats the only way.

I would if I were you, just to stop him getting parental responsibility, it doesn't sound like he deserves it at all. I agree with getting a restraining order. Also , if he carries on harassing you it'll hurt his chances in court. Don't feel obliged to offer him any contact if he is going to be abusive, try to get as much proof as you can that he's doing it to show to the courts. X

Yes, well I'm going to wait a bit longer to see if he will give up. I hope he will. If he sends me a court letter I will offer it him then before he starts proceedings. Well thats why I stopped him having access because he was harassing me to get back with him, the visits weren't to see scarlett they were to see me. Yes I will x

 

[rexxii2012]

If you are that scared, can you not get a restraining order against him?

I'm not scared of him for my well being now I'm not with him he can't control me like he did before. But I am concerned and scared for my daughter. He hangs out with druggies, does drugs himself, is irresponsible and his parents house is dirty. I'm scared about what she maybe subjected too.

 

[Jennifurball]

Poor Scarlett, weird cos I have a Scarlett with a dick of an ex. Just document everything, to HV's etc

 

[rexxii2012]

Poor Scarlett, weird cos I have a Scarlett with a dick of an ex. Just document everything, to HV's etc

Scarletts a gorgeous name and yes i will try too. hopefully he will get bored and go away.

 

[fairydust87]

He hasnt got any parental rights if hes not on the birth certificate x

 

[RaRalalala]

Are you in the UK? If so he has rights to see her BUT that doesnt mean he has rights to see her away from you. How old is LO? They look at it in the best interests of the baby, shes best to be with her mum at all times really so they will tell him yes you can see her but you will have to go to your house or an agreed location or a visitation centre. Also if you're a single parent solicitors are free to you under legal aid if you have sorted out benefits for being a single parent (tax credits or income support wise) I've had the same arguments and worries with my LO and her dad and I seen a solicitor who assured me he wouldn't be getting to take her away from me, especially since they have no bond.

 

[rexxii2012]

Are you in the UK? If so he has rights to see her BUT that doesnt mean he has rights to see her away from you. How old is LO? They look at it in the best interests of the baby, shes best to be with her mum at all times really so they will tell him yes you can see her but you will have to go to your house or an agreed location or a visitation centre. Also if you're a single parent solicitors are free to you under legal aid if you have sorted out benefits for being a single parent (tax credits or income support wise) I've had the same arguments and worries with my LO and her dad and I seen a solicitor who assured me he wouldn't be getting to take her away from me, especially since they have no bond.

yes i am in the uk, will he when shes older thou? i dont want him to have overnight access EVER. She is 3 months old. how would i find out about legal aid or sort it out?? mydaughter doesnt have any bond but its because i have stopped access completely.