Feel a failure

[kerry m]

Hi hope you dont mind me posting i don't no where to turn,i had my dd 11 weeks early in jan 18/10 she was due 5 April she came home from scbu after 6 weeks she is now 13 wks old (2 wks corrected) i can never seem to get in to a routine with her i took her to the docs and he asked what her feeding was like and it was 2oz every 2 hours and gave me this look to say that I'm doing things wrong so i changed it to every 3 hours 3oz all was fine and now she all over the place and feeding on demand,i just feel like ive got no control over anything if that makes sense i had her early and now just feel help less.i am the only one is not in a routine? should i be? I'm i doing any thing wrong? don't mean to moan but its so frustrating my hv no use and once your discharged from the out reach team i feel alone.

 

[Laura2919]

Firstly, You need to be comfortable and I believe that means feeding how you both feel best. For Chloe and Jaycee I had to feed on demand. It was the only way we got into a routine!
Do you not have any follow ups with a consultant?? I am very lucky, my HV is brilliant..

Dont think your a failure babies are hard work.

 

[AP]

Do what works for you and LO. Theres no rules. If you want a routine, find how many hours your LO likes to go between feeds and fix yourself a lil schedule. Sometimes things dont work right away, things fall into place instead. Ride the wave out - you'll find what you are both comfortable with. I felt like I had no control when I got LO home, in a few weeks everything fell into place (I am prob whittering away here but I hope you know what I mean!)

My LO was 12 1/2 weeks early and I soon learnt once we were home that local GPs and HVs havent much of a clue when it comes to prematurity!! Take it all with a pinch of salt, their advice is not always right, professionals as they may be, they dont know everything!

However the first few weeks home were worrysome, although everything was ok, I couldnt see it that way!

Keep in touch with SCBU, you should be able to call them if you have any concerns. Do you have follow up appointments? We're all here for u hun!

 

[MummyTate2b]

Aw sweetie, lol & hugs Firstly you are a brilliant mum & it is totally natural to feel overwhelmed - all new mums do & its even more stressful with a little premmie. Its utterly frustrating that support can be poor once your little one is discharged - my health visitor is a useless too, I still laugh now the first time she visited as she tottered in with high heels on and a black short dress...... clearly she hadn't handled a baby in a LONG TIME!! I think the most important thing is that you follow your instinct - you are mummy and even though you might be feeling a bit low in confidence, you do know what is best. As helpful as advice from professionals or books can be, its not always what is right for you and your baby - routines are not for everyone and when I brought Ellis home & was BF every 2 hours (as SCBU had kind of set that routine up) but I was also feeding on demand - I just went with what he needed and it also felt right for both me and him. There has been plenty of time to get him into a routine - as he matured his needs changed and he just naturally fell into a more established routine with weaning. Try to believe in yourself as it will help you through - feel free to vent you worries anytime and I hope I can help

 

[bumpsmum]

routines come with time and trust me just when you get in a routine - they go and change em' feeding on demand or 2oz every 2 hours is clearly enough for your lo over the next few weeks that will increase and she may start to go longer between feeds - you know her best.

HV are hopless I think that as part of their training they should do a section on prem babies (and a placement in NICU but hey we can all dream)

Feel free to ask ANYTHING here, we all have even if you feel you should already know the answer.

I remember when I went from ICU to main ward and was handed a steraliser I started to cry and was so embarresed to ask how to use it! But..... mine (well all our) babies were born before parenting classes so there is allot about babies we dont know, then through prematurity into the mix

Welcome to our wee home from home, would love to hear (and see) more about you and your lo xx

 

[andik]

Hi Kerry m,

My son was born 12 weeks early - born on 17th Jan and was due on 12th April so we are very similar in dates. I thought it might help you to know that you are far from on your own and I am not in a routine either.

When we first came home Nathan was feeding every 3 hours like clockwork - it lasted 2 days! Now he varies from day to day, sometimes it is 3 hours, sometimes it is 4 and the other morning I woke to realise he had missed a feed altogether!

I am a complete worrier and feel I have had a nightmare: I have had people tell me not to pick him up all the time and others tell me to pick him up, I have been told by the doctor I couldn't go onto bottles as bf is best for prems, I have been told to get him in a routine by bathing him every night and have also been told not to bath him every night as his skin is too delicate, it goes on and on!!

I have finally realised that it is really important to listen to everything you are told, choose which bits you want to use and ignore the rest. As long as you are not stressed, lo seems content and is putting on weight I am sure the rest will come together.

I have found that doctors and hv do not have enough experience of prems to be able to help and this forum has been my absolute saviour for advice and support. I feel a hypocrite saying all this as I should really take my own advice but try to stop worrying and try to have faith in yourself otherwise you will do exactly what I was doing and stop enjoying having your baby with you which is awful after everything you have been through to get them home.

You will get so much support from everyone here but feel free to email me if you ever want to talk to someone with a baby of similar age in the same boat.