Feel as Though my 4MO isn't Attached to me:(

[newlywedtzh]

I explicitly remember when my SIL brought my 3 month old niece to Easter (I was still pregnant). She would cry and scream if anyone tried to hold her and would reach out to her Mom. I remember thinking "Wow they know who their mother is at THAT young- that's incredible".

My baby isn't like that all. She is totally content being passed around and held by others. She doesn't reach for me. I have been back at work for about a month now and it has been going horrible for me- just everything about leaving her feels wrong. So of course, I think that she isn't attached to me because I work full-time. I feel a bond yes- on my end... I can't believe how much I can love something but sometimes I don't feel it from her It tears me a part and makes the guilt of working even worse.

Could this just be her personality? Maybe she is just easy going? (Like her Dad) It's tough knowing I leave her during the day to not be validated that she knows I'm her Mom. Oh god I'm crying...

 

[whattoexpect]

My daughter was the same. She never fussed if someone else held her and went to daycare happily every day. Once she was older (around a year) it became more obvious that she was a mommys girl. Now she is like my shadow! Her favourite word is momma and says it all day every day. She still goes to daycare happily and plays fine with other kids, but I am her preferred person right now. (ask me in 10 yrs I'm sure it will be different!)
Don't worry momma. You are doing everything right. Your Baby girl is so confident that you will always protect her, she doesn't need to worry.

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

I'm a SAHM and my daughter was the same way, so I doubt it's the fact that you work. Some babies are more easy-going and relaxed!

Now that she is older, she is very social and is always running between as many people as she can get to play with her... but when something goes wrong in her life I am the one she runs to for comfort. She'll even run past her daddy, because I'm the only one that can make everything better. So give it time, you'll probably see more personal attachment once she's older and more "aware" of things. Like the person said above, she is my shadow now and I can't even go to the bathroom without her following me in and wanting to sit on Mommy's lap!

 

[Rainstorm]

My baby was always sociable. I used to fear the same, cos he went with everyone and smiled to everyone. But then started reaching for me at about 6 months, holding out his arms,From 6 months onwards, whenever I got home from work he would drop whatever he was doing to hold out his arms to me. and now I can't unglue him lol. He's super attached to me.

 

[mummytobe_93]

My daughter was the same until she got to around 9 months and the separation anxiety kicked in. Don't worry. It's good that she's so content and independent x

 

[babyv13]

my DD was the same until about 9 months too I was quite offended by how easily she went to other people when she was younger I love it now that she wants me!

 

[alex_22]

My almost 6 month old is more than happy to be with anyone even a complete stranger (to her not me obviously I don't just hand my child out to anyone haha) i take it as a good thing because my son is the opposite and it isn't fun sometimes lol, it could all change though our babies are young she could be totally different in a month or so and only want you x

 

[FarmMom]

My dd was also the same until about six months - was totally content at daycare and with whoever was caring for her. A switch flipped around six months and she is now extremely attached to me. Sometimes i miss how she was before, because i work ft as well and she cries when i leave her. She doesn't even want to hang out with her dad anymore.

 

[shelbelle33]

For the first year my son didn't care who played with him or held him. Around his first birthday he started to be way more aware of me, and for almost the past year, has been a total mamas boy.

 

[Leliana]

My DD was the same early on but suddenly changed at about 6 months. She then wouldn't let anyone else hold her and cried when I left her with my parents or at nursery. It was nice to be flavour of the month but also horrible leaving her. Enjoy her at this stage if you can, your LO will always have a particularly special bond with you!

 

[Eltjuh]

It's probably just her personality.... She's just a nice and easy going baby who likes people They don't really start to get separation anxiety until they are about 8 or 9 months old.... And even then, some babies are worse then others!
Just cause she's not too bothered being passed around doesn't mean she doesn't love you and you're not the most important person in her life (or one of the most important ones, daddies are important too! )

 

[JessesGirl29]

My son is supposed to be at the height of separation anxiety and honestly, he doesn't care. He's always been that way. I think it's a personality trait. I remember my work Christmas party I almost forgot about because I'm on mat leave and our friends who he's never stayed with offered to watch him for a couple hours and I got behind and basically had to drop him off quickly to make it to the dinner in time and they were asking 'will he be okay? He doesn't know us!'. I assured them he would.
When I picked him up they said he was fine the entire time.

 

[jd83]

Everyone has different personalities, and its probably just hers to be that easy going. My older son is like that, and has been right from the start. He looooves people. It's definitely not a bonding with me issue, its just his personality. He never minded being held by different people, because he's just a people person. My younger son isn't like this. He is pretty attached to me, and does take longer to warm up to others before allowing them to hold him. But again, just a difference in personalities. Try not to take it personally, babies definitely know who their mommy is, and love their mommy

 

[Eltjuh]

It also kinda depends on what they're used to.... if they're used to being with you ALL the time then it'll be harder for them to separate.... My eldest was always fine as a baby to just be handed around and it didn't bother him, but once he was older, about a year old or so he wouldn't be happy to be looked after by anyone other than me or my husband! He's a lot better now, since he started going to nursery when he was 2, though it was hard to start with cause I'm a SAHM and he was so used to being with me 24/7!

 

[newlywedtzh]

Thanks so much for all of the replies! I feel normal now! I was researching early signs of autism and everything

 

[justplay91]

I'm a stay-at-home-mom and my son can't seem to be bothered one way or the other about me, haha! Sometimes it hurts a little, but I know he'll grow out of it and one day will know me as his Momma.
My mom worked full-time when I was a baby, and the whole family tells stories about how I would cry endlessly at the babysitter's and never let anyone else hold me. So I think it just comes down to the baby, individually. There will come a time when your LO doesn't want anyone but her mommy!

 

[minties]

Thomas used to cry and cling to me from 3 months. Sophie was happy to be paased around until 6-7 months and then she started with the crying.

I think some kids just do it later

Sophie is still clingy now. It's not so cute any longer!

 

[JessesGirl29]

Thanks so much for all of the replies! I feel normal now! I was researching early signs of autism and everything

No one in the world will ever replace you. You The Momma.
I can't imagine how hard it would be being at work when your baby is so young but don't let Mom guilt eat you alive. Now that my son is older he looks at me and says 'Blah blah' (Momma), gives me big sloppy kisses and you can really tell he loves playing with me.
She loves you to death, you are her everything. She just can't tell you yet!

 

[JessP]

Don't feel bad! It's definitely just personality! I'm not a mom yet but I've taken a million child development classes for my psych major. Don't worry at all this will probably change; I promise your baby loves you.

 

[MindUtopia]

Separation and stranger anxiety doesn't usually hit until about 6 months up to 12 months, so 4 months is really early. Usually at that age, they're pretty happy to be passed around. I don't know from personal experience as we don't have much in the way of family nearby so we weren't doing much passing around at that age. Mostly it was just us. If your SIL's baby does react to being held by others at that age, it could just be something else going on - colic, reflux, being overhungry or tired, nothing to do with attachment. But as you weren't yet a parent, you probably didn't really notice, so I wouldn't take it personally. Enjoy the time before separation anxiety does hit! It's rough and it will come.