feel like a charity case :(

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by welshmummy2be, Jan 29, 2011.

  1. welshmummy2be

    welshmummy2be mummy of 2 (one angel) x

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    dont mean to sound harsh and i am very greatful but at the same time i feel like a charity case :cry: so far all i've actually bought for my baby is a few odd items of clothes. im not meaning to complain but everything i have for her has been handed down from someone, the only things that hasnt been handed down and i was planning on buying was the baby bath, breast pump and bottles (other than everyday things like toiletries) and i was looking forward to actually buying things for myself for her...now OH has accepted a baby bath and other items from a relative so now i cant even buy them :cry:

    pointless thread really just needed to say it tho...fed up of feeling like a charity case i want to be able to shop and be excited and go gooey over buying things not just have 2nd hand.
     
  2. mumtobeplus1

    mumtobeplus1 Expecting & Mum of 1

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    Hugs hun, you'll have plenty of time for buying little outfits & things once shes
    here, you'll be forever buying bits and bobs for her.
    Think of it as saving you money so you can buy some nice luxury items
    for her, that perhaps you wouldnt have been able to afford if you had to buy
    all the equipment brand new.
    Baby wont notice that her bath ect is 2nd hand. xx
     
  3. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    Can you afford to buy the bits you want? If so, go out and do it doll. Xxx
     
  4. Yazz_n_bump

    Yazz_n_bump Me, Fiancé & Jack! :)

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    Think though... you'll have more money to buy cute oufits and more money to treat you and LO when she's here!! :)
    Don't worry about it babe, I got our cot, moses basket, travel cot, pram all 2nd hand.. but it's given us more money to buy cute outfits and nappies and things. Don't worry, they'll only be in a baby bath for like 2-3 months max anyway. xxx
     
  5. sezrah

    sezrah Well-Known Member

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    Know how you feel.
    I've been unemployed for a while now and have not had much money to buy bits for baby. We've gotton alot of things 2nd hand and family have helped out generously. It does make me feel a little inadequate sometimes but then we didn't really ask people for help, so I see it more as people giving us gifts as they are just as excited as us for LO to be here and want the best for him.
    I've been given so much, but I've also sold alot of personal items that I'e sacrificed for baby. It's not alot but it's bought the more personal items I wouldn't really feel comfortable accepting from other people. Especially nursing bras and all that jazz you know.
    At the end of the day, people are happy for you obviously. Don't see yourself as charity hun, I know that's really hard but you know yourself you will be there to provide for your child for life, not for just a few months in the begginning.

    Hugs x
     
  6. karmah

    karmah Well-Known Member

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    Aw don't feel bad! Most of my baby stuff right now is 2nd hand. It is in good condition, cute and I can easily clean everything. I have a bassinet, bathtub, swing, bumbo, car seat (my niece's, it is 1 year old), stroller and tonnes of clothes. The baby will outgrown all of this stuff in less than a year and you will be buying the baby things for the rest of its life!

    No one tells you this but they get more expensive the older they get! Trust me, I have a teenage son and the "toys" they want are not cheap. Ipods, gaming systems, cools shoes, hairstyles/cuts, cell phone, various entertainment, hobbies, sports. You have a lifetime to spend your own money! lol. Hope this helps.
     
  7. lilacmonkey87

    lilacmonkey87 Well-Known Member

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    Hey

    Just think about the next 21 years that you'll be forking out for lol ive been lucky as my mum had a baby boy two years ago and saved everything for me, the only things ive bought so far is a few bits of clothes for my son and some teddies, a breast pump, bottles and like the bedding and everything to match his room - ive just got the pram to pay for now so going sorting it that out 2mrw and then im all set! Having all the hand me downs has saved me the financial worry and they grow up so quick anyways - ive been really glad of all the extra help.

    xx
     
  8. welshmummy2be

    welshmummy2be mummy of 2 (one angel) x

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    just wanted to say this one made me chuckle to myself :)

    im really greatful for all the things given and they have helped out more than enough, all the things given have been as gifts (my neice is 9 months old now and various others family/friends have babies under 2.) i think its just upset me more that this is my first LO and i've not actually done the running around the shops excited buying thing...pregnancy hormones eehh :dohh: feel silly because i know ill be getting herself things from day one really until forever lol x x
     
  9. emmamc28

    emmamc28 mum to charlotte and ben

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    same here almost all of what i have for this baby is second hand as it was with my other 2. my mum is a demon on ebay and finds all the bargains. she has paid for most of this which quite honestly hasn't cost much. like alot of others have said you will have a lifetime to spend your money on your LO and they definately get more expensive the older they get so just think of it as money saving and all the money you would have spent can go on your LO once they are here. dont ever feel like a charity case, my OH felt a bit like this when we had our daughter but in the end we were grateful for it because we could afford everything else she need when she was here.


    https://global.thebump.com/tickers/ttc5de6.aspx
     
  10. N1kki

    N1kki Guest

    take what you can get hun,when you do have the money go buy bubs all the new things you would like.
     
  11. karmah

    karmah Well-Known Member

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    :D That is understandable tho, I was a little upset at first too. So many cute things that would have been fun to have but than I gave my head a shake. Everything is so expensive and quickly adds up! Use that money you save towards stocking up on things and nesting! My LO has clothes for most of the first year (as long as I don't have a porker! lol). Plus it allows you those few cute maternity clothes you may need. ;)
     
  12. whoops

    whoops Just me and my LO

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    I know how you feel - at one point, I did get upset because it seemed like literally everything I had was given to me by someone else, and I felt like I was missing out or being treated like a charity case.

    I found though that when I went through what I needed and bought all the bits and pieces like nappies and a changing mat and bedding etc that I was actually providing a lot for her myself - it was just the 'big' stuff that was being given to me.

    It also means that I've managed to save quite a lot of money which I will be thankful for over the next couple of years.
     
  13. secretbaby

    secretbaby Well-Known Member

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    I can see this from both sides - I gave away all my ds1 stuff as we never intended to have another child (medical reasons). Babies go through stuff so very quickly and I couldn't possibly store it all - I didn't want the hassle of selling stuff ..and you don't get hardly anything for second hand baby stuff anyway. So I passed mine all on to two friends who had babies the right age for the stuff and size. I wasn not treating either of lthem like a charity case but it seemed such a waste to have our stuff just sitting in bags when we would never have used it again. (now 12 years later it would all be out of fashion and I would need a 29 bed house to store it all). I am sure they are just the same, can't store stuff and would like to pass it on to someone who can use it (not based on wether they can afford it) with my friends one of them I passed the stuff on to was much better financially than me.

    There is so much cute baby stuff out there - you can always wait till you have had bubs and treat yourself to something that you haven't been given or that is a luxury item. We have done all our stuff on a budget so I didn't get the pram I wanted but a very lovely very practical very in budget option... so I went mad and bought...... a Groegg!!! I know it was only 22 pounds but as I could have got a room thermometer much cheaper this was a splash out for me... I thought sod it I have been practical everywhere else... and I do love it!!!

    Thing is half the stuff you buy before bubs is here you either don't use or hardly use. If you look at the lists on here where one person says something is essential someone else says the exact item biggest waste of money ever.

    I know my mum didn't buy anything for my eldest son as we were given so much - she wanted to buy him his cot but we got one of a friend and bought a new mattress (she was a bit miffed).. so instead she bought him his first bed ... which he is still in. And from our point of view was better as it was more expensive than a cot! This time she said she will wait and see what we need.

    I am sure no one thinks of you as a charity case, enjoy what you are given and go have a look at other stuff (for baby and older) that you can now spoil baby with!
     
  14. lynzlogan

    lynzlogan Guest

    (((hugs))))

    TBH all I;ve bought is a micro sterilser, 6 bottles, and a baby gro!

    Car seat has been given to us, we are re-using DS's cot, been given a bouncer, swing, bags of clothes (unisex and boy), and now my uncle is even giving us his big 3 door wardrobe for the kids to share (his going to put extra shelves and rails in it to make it into a kiddie one).

    My sister and Dad are getting us a baby bath seat (so i can bath both Leo and Baby at the same time), and they're getting us all the toiletries too.

    the only thing left for us to buy is the buggy- as my nan is buying us the moses basket.
     
  15. QueenMummyToBe

    QueenMummyToBe Mummy to Amelia & Tristan

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    We barely bought anything for Amelia, we were given a moses basket, baby bath, toys, top and tail bowls (three of them!) loads of clothes, microwave steriliser, sheets, blankets.

    We bought a pushchair (2nd hand), cot (ikea), nappies, changing mat and a few outfits when we found out she was a girl (35 weeks)

    Hubbys sister bought us a cot mattress, loads of clothes, toiletries, nappies etc because she was so excited for us!

    This time we have bought a double pushchair (2nd hand), new bedding, sheets and blankets, a couple of cute new towels and plenty of little boy clothes and outfits :cloud9:

    You shouldn't feel bad about buying hardly anything, babies do not need a lot, somewhere to sleep, something to eat, a place to be washed and lots of love!! :kiss:

    xXx
     
  16. momofmister

    momofmister Well-Known Member

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    Once your LO is born you will get to go do the shopping for little outfits and such. Take the 2nd hand equipment and think thats one more little outfit you can buy once LO is here.

    Trust me once they are here there is always something once you get home from hospital that you realized you didn't pick up and have to go out and get. :)
     
  17. MADLYSBOYS

    MADLYSBOYS My 2 Boys = COMPLETE!

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    :hugs:

    Hon I have lots of hand me downs and would much rather prefer this to buying new mainly because....

    1) When I had my DS we went all out and bought everything new it cost us a small fortune and somethings were hardly or never used at all :wacko:
    and
    2) Financially we cant afford to buy things which we know we wont use and any spare money I would much rather bank to help us financially when I am on Mat Leave and not earning a full wage.

    My little sister has a 1yr old DD and so am lucky to have her moses basket, stand, bath set, bouncy chair and various other bits and bobs :) all in perfect condition and MIL was generous and bought us our pushchair and car seat.

    I have mostly spent cash on clothes for him (I had some of DS stored away but not much!) So I have bought on ebay, here on bnb and also bought bits in the sales. The only equipment as such we have bought is a micro steriliser (from asdas baby event) a changing mat and changing bag again all at great bargains :thumbup: My Little man has some gorgeous little bits and I cant wait to put him in the bits we have bought but hon honestly I have done it both ways and this by far is the most beneficial if nothing else on the pocke which no doubt will be hammered over the next 21yrs by him :haha:
     

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