Feel like such a failure

[Angela49uk]

My son will be 2 weeks old tomorrow and I just feel like such a failure.

When ever he's awake, he doesnt seem happy and just wants to cry. He's also awake from approx 8pm until 2am and just cries for this time and nothing I do seems to settle him.

It's really starting to get me down, as I feel so helpless.

Has anyone else gone through the same sort of thing? Is there anything in particular you did that helped get him off to sleep? How long did it last for with you?

I love him so much, just wish I could be a better mum for him

 

[Linny]

Hi hun, sorry your feeling so down at the moment but pleeease don't think of yourself as a failure! Don't forget your hormones will be everywhere at the moment!

Its early days for you and crying unfortunately is the only way babies know how to communicate, i still struggle to know what she wants some days so i just do a process of elimination. Is she hungry, tired, over tired, wet/dirty nappy, bored, wind, need a cuddle etc.

The crying in the evening sounds alot like colic. I think it usually starts from 2-3 weeks (as said by my HV) and can be very distressing. Is it the same time every night? Does he pull his legs up to his chest, go red in the face, does nothing you do comfort him? If so I would imagine its colic and if he's bottle fed there are some Dr Brown bottles which are apparently good for reducing symptoms (though I don't personally know!), you could try giving infacol before each feed to help bring up wind. Gripe water also can be given after four weeks. Colief is another remedy but not sure what age that can be used sorry!

If it is colic though there isn't much you can do till it passes so please know it isn't your fault and just comfort your baby as much as you can. Can your partner help to give you a break or any family members. It will pass so in the meantime don't blame yourself and don't doubt yourself as a parent

 

[peanut56]

Oh hun you are SOOOO not a failure!! The newborn stage is so incredibly difficult for most people.
I had a very similar experience. My baby had colic and reflux, and she slept for a maximum of 4 hours (spread out, of course) per day. It was horrible. If she wasn't crying, she was spitting up. I felt like I MUST be doing something wrong. She would only sleep in the car seat or in the swing.
Some babies (like mine) are a little extra work in the beginning, but I promise you, it's normal and you are not a failure. I wrote a thread very similar to this when my LO was about 2 weeks old.
It does get better and easier, I promise you. I found it started getting a little better around 6-7 weeks, and definitely better after 2 months.

 

[louisiana]

as the others have said this is normal and im sure ur doing a great job.just remember that as ur trying to get used to being a mummy ur lo is getting used to being in the big scary world.
i would say that make sure day time is bright and noisy and night time is dark and as quiet as possible.
u will get there honest

 

[mystika802]

I agree, its hard in the beginning, Charlie had SO much gas which was related to what i was eating....
it gets easier Like peanut56 said, around 6 or 7 weeks I noticed a difference

 

[Dizzymum]

I had the exact same thing with my little one. She was really hard to settle, especially in the evenings. She would scream and scream, sometimes until the early hours. It was so exhausting. Nothing we did with her helped.

With Jess it was colic. She had painful wind in her tum.

Then at 8 weeks it just stopped - just like that, she was a totally different baby. She started to sleep longer at night, and from 9 weeks she has slept through the night - 12 hours every night with just a dream feed at 11pm - I can't believe the difference.

Hang in there, you are certainly not a faliure. You're a Mummy doing your best for your baby. It's really tough sometimes, but it WILL get better - promise.

Nicola x

 

[Dizzymum]

Just wanted to add - the midwife told me that a babies digestive system can be really sensitive at first, while it's getting used to passing the milk through. This can cause wind, and be distressing for the baby until they adapt.

 

[Windmills]

I agree with the other ladies, it sounds like colic from what you've described. Xx

 

[pandacub]

my LO was like this in the beginning, i had to hold him over my shoulder and walk around til he was asleep... Definitely agree with what the others say, after 6 weeks everything got way easier.
youre doing a brilliant job, and they change so quickly you'll probably find he just snaps out of it one day with no warning or explanation!

 

[wish2bmama]

YOu are not a failure! I agree with the other ladies. Newborns have so much to adjust to, after all they are inside our wombs for so long! It really does get better.

 

[sarah76]

My little boy is 6 weeks old and suffers from colic we tried infacol and dentinox however they did not help him. we then tried colief - which can be give from birth and this has helped him massively! Colief is approx £11 for a 7 ml bottle (you only use 4 drops per bottle) but you can also get it on prescription.

We have now been informed by Dr that little one has a touch of reflux so we have ditched the colief and he is now on infant gaviscon. Have a chat with your Dr/HV/midwife to see what they think.

I'm sure you are doing a fab job so dont beat yourself up x

 

[red balloon]

We had this for the first
10 weeks, then it just went. It was colic and not my fault, thou it felt terrible! We found white noise, swaddling and a baby carrier for naps really helpful. It also helped when I stopped torturing myself by thinking lo should be getting into a routine at bedtime. A wise person advised me just to get through the evenings however we could, and get a bedtime routine together once the colic had stopped.

 

[pandacub]

We had this for the first
10 weeks, then it just went. It was colic and not my fault, thou it felt terrible! We found white noise, swaddling and a baby carrier for naps really helpful. It also helped when I stopped torturing myself by thinking lo should be getting into a routine at bedtime. A wise person advised me just to get through the evenings however we could, and get a bedtime routine together once the colic had stopped.

couldnt agree more, i had so many people telling me i should have a solid bed time routine, like this would help trapped wind or something.
i just did whatever i had to to get through the evenings, wether that meant rocking him to sleep or taking it in turns to sleep with OH.
my LO stopped getting trapped wind at about three weeks, i think its cause he didnt like lying down by then, so i kept him upright all the time so the wind could come up

 

[mrs_park]

You are NOT a failure you're doing a great mum. The first 6-8 weeks are so hard but you will get through them! I agree it could be colic. Try a search on you tube for colic massage techniques, I found them useful.

In a few weeks LO will settle in and you'll wonder what happened to those first few crappy weeks. And soon LO will start smiling and making little noises that will melt your heart! Hang in there, it gets soooooo much better! x

 

[Angela49uk]

Thanks for all your messages ladies. I'm just getting increasingly worried now as DH is due back in work on Monday. He has been so great with LO, he even sent me to the spare room last night to get some shut eye whilst he looked after him for most of the night.

I know things will get better with time, but 6-8 weeks seems like such a long time away at the moment.

xx

 

[mrs_park]

I know it seems like ages now, but seriously hun, it will go soooooooo quick.

I was so nervous about DH going back to work too, but I survived and so will you!! x

 

[Lena]

It DOES get better. No one tells you this when your pregnant, but all newborns do is cry, eat and sleep (in that order). It is no reflection on you as a mother and as time goes by you will find new ways to soothe him and as he gets older the crying fits will be few and far between. The first 3 months are really, really tough so just take it day by day and it will get easier. Some things that we did in the early days to stop him crying were LOTS of walks in the pram and lots of car rides. At 2 weeks old he is probably mostly crying because he is tired so just do whatever you can to get him to sleep even if it means night time walks and car rides.

 

[Angela49uk]

I do get the impression that he's crying because he's tired a lot of the time, but he seems to try and fight it, which I really dont understand. He is sleeping at the moment, and has been since 7:30am, so am making most of the piece and quiet

 

[Lena]

I do get the impression that he's crying because he's tired a lot of the time, but he seems to try and fight it, which I really dont understand. He is sleeping at the moment, and has been since 7:30am, so am making most of the piece and quiet

Most babies just don't know how to put themselves to sleep so they just cry and cry until we figure out how to get them to sleep. Nate used to lay on my legs and i'd rock him back and forth til he fell asleep, then i would sit on the couch for 2 hours, like i was paralysed with him on my legs and watch tele and surf the net. Just do whatever you can to get him to sleep. None of these things are habit forming or last forever. He's upstairs asleep in his cot now so it didn't last forever (don't think it could, he weighs 24lbs now! hah). Your doing a FAB job hunnie. Send me a PM if you want to chat.

 

[Angela49uk]

He's been in his swing again today, he has never seemed to like it and fallen asleep. Do you know if it's safe to leave them in there sleeping for a few hours, or if it's the same as a car seat and not recommended for more than 1hr at a time? I guess once he's asleep in the swing I could try and take him out and place him in his moses basket then. xx