Feel so alone...

[CurlySue]

Do you ever have those days? You have your little comforts, your little mental thoughts that make you feel less like you are in this alone. You have your silly little 'thing' that make you feel better. Mine used to be "Oh, at least I am not as bad as Sara. She has been told flat out she can't get pregnant without help" - and then, bang, Sara gets pregnant by mistake without even trying. You have your little thoughts, "Well, at least I'm not the only one" and then you realise that, amongst your circle or your family you actually ARE alone.

And, you do everything right, you do everything the way you're supposed to do it and you're still left disappointed, even though those that barely even try at all get what they want, and you sit there and think to yourself "How is this fair? Why is this happening to me?"

I'm not getting my Christmas BFP.

I didn't even fecking ovulate.

And, I feel so alone.

I can't fucking cry at work, but I just arrived to a slap in the face that shouldn't be a slap in the face, but it feels like one. And now I am in tears.

 

[littlestar]

chick!

I know how you feel!

 

[Nathyrra]

It's really tough. It's tough because it is something you go through alone. Even if someone has the same problems as yourself they have their own bodies their own fate. It's little comfort when you find yourself not getting off the starting block.

My family and friend's are all very fertile personally. In a way I guess it's easier that I am in a different country from them, I can just hide away. My mothers first words to me when I told her I have PCOS were: 'oh I understand, your brothers girlfriend has trouble having babies too!' (btw my brothers girlfriend has had two babies in the space of 2 years, I wouldn't call that problems having babies!)

I do wish that you girls will be cut some type of break. It isnt fair, and that's the hardest pill to swallow.

Did something happen at work that's made you cry today?

 

[HAYS]

hun i know how you feel, and its a crap feeling.

What happened at work babe?xxxxxx

 

[CurlySue]

Nothing bad happened. I just couldn’t handle the fact that someone got pregnant, is all. Makes me a bad person, I know it does, but it was basically just the final straw.

A lady at work just offered to bring me a crystal. Something to get me pregnant. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that if 100mg of Clomid didn’t make me ovulate I’m sure a crystal won’t get me pregnant.

 

[yaya]

 

[hayz1981]

oh hun, sorry you're having such a bad day. I know how you feel. So many people who it comes easy for just don't even know they have something to be thankful for. People with babies who don't know we're TTC are always asking when we're going to start because wouldnt it be great if we had kids a similar age, and I just think, you have no idea. And even if other people seem to be going through the same thing, they're still not on your journey. I think we all feel alone sometimes as your feelings are always yours only.

Sending you lots of

 

[ellie]

it doesn't make you a bad person, of course not ..... we all get it .... it makes us angry and sad as it feels so unfair (i remember my oh's ex getting pregnant by mistake and threatning an overdose etc, smoking throughout, and me ranting about her to everyone else that she didn't deserve to have her lovely baby ... not sure whether other people thought i was being nasty, but at the time didn't care!) you are not a bad person ... it's so hard. i really hope you get some good news very soon.

 

[HAYS]

chick, its natural to feel like that when someone else gets pregnant.

Sending you lots of love and hugs

xxxxxxxx

 

[Nicnac]

Big hon

You're not alone. All my friends and family are popping them out left right and centre. Everytime I get asked if we'll have them, I always feel the need to say something flippant, rather than admitting that it's now been nearly two years since I came off the bcp and still nada.

Off to see my pg friend this afternoon, so hoping I can keep a brave face.

Please remember that you have all us girls who know exactly how you're feeling and will always be here to listen and comfort.

 

[Stardancer]

You're not a bad person for not handling someone getting pregnant, it's a real kick in the teeth and the best of us have difficulties dealing with it happening.

You may feel alone, but you are very much NOT, just look at this bunch!!

 

[BigFoot1980]

I know exactly how u feel hun, I just meet my new neighbour who got married this october and is PREGNANT. She was really sweet and kept suggesting different things i could try, but i just felt so cheated. I mean we do everything we r supposed to do and still nothing happens, where as for some people, they just decide to get pregnant and thats it. Life can be so unfair sometimes.

I am sorry i haven't been much consolation

 

[Brambletess]

I feel quite emotional today as well and your message made me have a cry too. I know the wicked witch is flying in as have had diarrhea this morning and she is due. Think Christmas makes it worse as well, and for you finding out someone else is in the club is hard to bare. Its completely normal and tomorrow you will feel better. I am sorry you are going through this and feel alone. I feel the same, HATE people saying it just takes time and you need to relax.

You are not alone though, we all feel the same and are here for you xxx take it easy tonight

 

[CurlySue]

Ah thanks for understanding. I was just feeling so utterly isolated and it hurts so very much. Just went to our local Football shop and all that I saw when I walked in was baby kits.

I just look at forums sometimes and some of the people only do it once in a month and get pregnant. They have no clue about OPKs and ovulation and luteal phases, etc, because they don't need to know. Things happen for them at the click of their fingers.

Nobody in my life has ever had trouble. Nobody. I recall my auntie saying to me "Christine had trouble. It took her six months to get pregnant with Joseph." Six months? How I WISH it had taken me six months to get pregnant. Six months came and went without a bang, without a line, without anything.

I don't think I will feel better tomorrow. I don't think I will ever feel better because in January it's IVF List time. It makes me feel like an utter failure. Poor L, she couldn't even get pregnant on her own.

 

[Brambletess]

I hate it when people tell me it will just take time, don't worry, blah etc...so I know you are going to feel what you will but please try not to see yourself as a failure and let this bog you down. At least being on the IVF waititng list will mean you are in the pipeline. Its not the end of the road...

 

[Nicnac]

I don't think I will feel better tomorrow. I don't think I will ever feel better because in January it's IVF List time. It makes me feel like an utter failure. Poor L, she couldn't even get pregnant on her own.

Ah hon, don't think like that. Some women get pregnant looking at their other halves, some take a short time, but lots take a long time, some need some a little assistance, some need lots of help, and some ladies have children who they didn't give birth to. But the one thing they all have in common is how much they wanted their children and how much love they have to give.

You'll have your baby, and then suddenly how you got them won't matter. Yours will know how much you wanted them and what you went through to get them.....that's a very dedicated loving Mummy, in my eyes.

Big Cuddly

 

[CurlySue]

I keep thinking that I have no baby for Christmas. I also keep thinking that if I’m not pregnant in the next three months it’ll be the same next Christmas.

How many more Christmases must there be? How is this even fair? Seriously, what on Earth have we done to deserve this?

If I had cancer people would pity me. All I get from most is “at least you’re not dying. It’s not the end of the world that you haven’t got pregnant yet.” To me, it is. It IS the end of the world.

 

[Nicnac]

Hon, I know how having these time lines make things feel so unbearable. I constantly have them, thinking before Xmas, or before my next birthday (34 - eek), but they don't help.

People can be very insensitive to our dreams of motherhood, and don't realise that saying stuff like at least you're healthy is v.v.v rubbish, especially when we LTTTC girls can feel it's very much the case that it's our bodies that are letting us down.

What you have to think now, is that 2009 is a brand new year, and although not ideal IVF is a way to help. And whose to say that once you're on the list it'll take a bit of pressure off you, and things may happen naturally. Youn may not appreciate my anecdote, but my friends were trying for 3 years and went on the list. They decided that they could only afford the one try, and that after that they would come to terms with not having a baby. Once they had decided this between them and were both happy with their decision....boom, 3 weeks before the appointment was due, a !!!

It can and does happen. Take a load off (mentally and physically), grab a vino and after all...tomorrow is another day.

Lots of

 

[HAYS]

I feel the same chick, everyone i know apart from you girlies had no problem getting pregnant, i hear things like 'he only needed to drop his trousers and i was pregnant'
ha bloody ha!!! very funny NOT!
And ofcourse the usual 'relax' 'your young' 'dont think about it and it will happen'

I dont think anyone but ourselves understand how mentally stressful this is, and how badly we want it
xx

 

[Farie]

thinking of you chick