Feeling a bit deserted by my family - rant

[Peach Blossom]

I found out I had a mmc 2 weeks ago and went in for an erpc the same day. My DH's family have been wonderful with my SIL's visiting, texting and phoning. My MIL took me out for lunch and had us over for dinner. My BIL sent us such a beautiful email saying how wonderful we'll be as parents and how sorry he was for what had happened.

My own family called me for a few days after I came out of hospital, but I've had practically nothing since. They all knew that we'd been trying for over a year and that we were due to start fertility treatment. They all know how very much we wanted this baby. My brother came to stay with me for a night whilst my DH was away on business. But my sister, who has mc'd, has only called me twice since it happened. She hasn't even texted to see if I'm ok. My Dad, who's wife has had 2 mc's, called me a few times. I invited him and my little brother and sisters over for lunch last Sunday and he said that they were too busy with the kids' various activities... Normally I don't mind that I'm not a priority, but I would have thought that after something as traumatising as a miscarriage I could have expected a little more support from them... The stupid thing is I'm feeling gulity that I haven't made an effort to go and see them, when its they who should be coming to visit me!!

Sorry for the rant. If it hadn't been for the support from the ladies on this forum I have no idea how I would be coping right now.

 

[pennypoptart]

Oh sweets, sorry you feel a bit neglected. I can see where you're coming from. It's a really rotten time for you and your OH, and you're right to expect your family to make an extra special effort to rally round.

My family have tried... but neither my mum, or my OH's mum have ever miscarried, and because of that, they feel helpless when they ring, as they cannot empathise. I then feel guilty for making them feel sad! All these emotions!

Maybe your family think you're "coping" a million percent, and that you don't need extra support. It's stupid, but sometimes people want to think that, as it is easier then thinking that you need them more.

I hope they buck up soon! Could you get your OH to have a discreet word with them?

Not really too sure what else to say, except for that they have been a bit rubbish.

Huge

 

[Schmelly]

 

[babybuffy84]

Oh am so sorry to hear what your going through, i know how it feels my OH's family havent been great over the whole miscarriage thing,they were so happy when i got pregnant and we told them straight away then when i lost the baby they said i was selfish for telling them,and they have turned round now and said they dont want to know anything aobut us trying again or when im pregnant again,i know how you feel my family have been great but most of my friends havent even called which is so much worse even if they just sent a text saying im thinking of you that would help.
Its so hard because its just that they dont know what to say,i rely on my oh's family as my parents live 40 miles away,but now i have decided to be childish and not say anything to them at all.Its there loss!!!!

You shouldnt feel guilty at all its not your fault !!!! Its there loss im so sorry that at this hard time the people who we are always there for arent there for us.

Am sending you tons of and thinking of you.

 

[pennypoptart]

babybuffy84 your post shocked me!! imagine telling a woman who has miscarried that she is selfish! ... surely, they should be offering unconditional support, and want to be there for you and you OH through the good and the bad.

I hope your OH gives them a ticking off for being self-centered.

We're here for you... even if they aren't!

 

[babybuffy84]

Oh thanks penny
But its there loss my OH knows what there like and didnt really want to tell them but i pushed him too so now i know why he doesnt want anything to do with them.But onwards and upwards

 

[Dee P]

babybuffy84,

I had the same experience as you - lost my baby at 9 weeks and was due in May 09. The fact that it happened 5 months ago is irrelevant, sometimes I even forget it happened but on other days its all I think about.

I am also between a rock and a hard place - I would love to try again but am as scared as hell I might miscarry again.

Don't wanna ramble but I hope this is clear -you are not alone and you are not weak, selfish or crazy. Just try hard to get through the rough patches and hopefully when the time is right, we will give birth to the healthy babies we were meant to have.