Feeling a bit guilty/silly about feeling guilty, anyone else feel like this?

[wannabewillow]

Hiya
This sounds so absolutely dippy. Recently, I've been using the Natural Parenting threads because I'm switching to cloth nappies. I combination fed for 9 and1/2 weeks (she's now 21 weeks), but gave up BF for numerous reasons. Now, when I see all these ladies (who are lovely, please don't take this as me bitching about them in any way) who have breastfeeding milestone blinkies and I just feel like I've failed all over again . I love my wee one soooo much, I know that when BF stopped, it was the best thing for me and Toots, as we were both getting very stressed and upset. I have never been ashamed of bottle feeding my bubs, she needed the nutrition and I clearly wasn't able to provide it sufficiantly. I just feel a bit jealous of these women, for whom, BF has worked.

This is crazy mad, I know that my wee one is thriving and meeting all of her milestones. I just wish I didn't feel so guilty over a matter that's now out of my control. Is it ok to be feeling like this so long after giving up BF?

Sorry if this feels a bit self-indulgent, I know the wee one doesn't know any different!
Joanne

 

[history_girls]

I still feel a little bit of envy for those who bf worked for and part of me wishes I could have done it. but I have a beautiful little girl upstairs who is happy and healthy with a mum who is happy too.

FF has made us happy but i still wonder what it would have been like to bf. I do feel guilty for stopping but in the time that has passed I have forgotton all the reasons I had to stop. i need to remind myself sometimes that I did make the right choice. But remember however you feed as long as you love them that is all that matters!

Big hugs I know how you feel.

 

[Kit]

Not everyone who uses the Natural Parenting forum breastfeeds, the same way as not everyone uses cloth nappies or co-sleeps. You shouldn't feel that you have failed just because you are not doing one of many things that are discussed in that section. I was unable to breastfeed successfully and have only just started using cloth nappies - the only reason I was posting in that section for quite a long time was that I have always worn my LO in a sling or carrier. There are other regular posters who do breastfeed but don't use cloth nappies, or who don't co-sleep.
I have also never seen anything posted in that section that criticises people for not breastfeeding.

 

[jen1604]

I'm often hanging around in Natural Parenting and I'm formula feeding now.

Please don't feel guilty sweetie xxx

 

[Rebaby]

I'm sorry you're feeling like this i think when breastfeeding comes to an end, whether it's after a few hours or many months it can be quite an emotional thing, and even when the reasons for stopping are very good, like history_girls said- as time passes you think "Was it so bad that i needed to stop?" or whatever.

I feel fortunate that although bf hasn't been easy for us, we have escaped many of the difficulties faced by some others and are still going. I hope my blinkie wouldn't upset you though, it's really only there for me- i get ever so excited when i realise it's time to get a new one (although also a bit because it means a whole month has passed without me hardly noticing!)

I always wanted a homebirth but tested positive for GBS and had to have a hospital birth, i still hoped it would be very natural, i wanted to use my hypnobirthing and just gas and air if i needed pain relief, but things did not go to plan and i ended up being induced and having an epidural lying on a bed for most of it. I still feel good about the birth because it produced our beautiful son, but i find that a lot of the mums who "parent" in a similar way to me (with the bf, co sleeping, babywearing, blw etc) also had their LO's at home, or in a very calm and natural way, managing to avoid many of the things we couldn't and i suppose i do feel a bit jealous, especially when i see/hear certain things being said....i wonder if that is my equivalent of your feelings about breastfeeding? Like you know that the decision you made was the right one for you and your LO but it doesn't stop you feeling a bit funny when you see others still going with it???

anyway

 

[OmarsMum]

As long as my baby is thriving & happy, I dont feel guilty. I couldnt BF frm day one (couldnt latch on & no milk to feed him). I had a emergency CS & dont knw what contraction or labor pain feels like. When my baby came out to life, they didnt even put him against me as he was in distress & needed help to breath , I didnt have skin to skin moment. I only saw him 20 mins later. But I didn't feel guilty or a failure. I brought this lovely, healthy baby to life & this is all that really matters.

It's not ur mistake hun, it just happened for a reason. Just enjoy ur life with ur LO, & do what u think is best for him. Move forward, & let it go, I dont think anyone will judge u for switching. Enjoy, life is too short to be wasted on guilt xx

 

[Christine33]

i never managed to BF either of my babies (i suffered high blood pressure during both pregnancies, was put on a drug that stops milk production. Got my milk 2 weeks after babies were born and by that point both were established on bottle, plus both babies had tied tongue so there were suckling issues and i couldn't latch them on).

personally, i think with my first it really contributed to my PND. I tend not to read any of the natural parenting threads/BF forum. i still feel incredibly sad i never BF either as i so wanted to.

i tried, it didn't work. i have got over it. i love my children. that is all that matters. i do my best. i think that is important but yes i would have loved to have BFX

 

[wannabewillow]

Hi all
Than you all so much. I just think last night was a bit low, my SIL (DH sister) made an off hand remark that caught me by surprise. It wasn't something she thought about saying, it was just an off the cuff remark and I think that just stirred old feelings. I will say, no-one in the NP threads have ever made me feel judged and no-one should ever be apologetic for their blinkies, I really like them.

Anyway, my wee one is lying on the couch, napping after her first 'solid' breakfast. She's a happy babe. I know that's what counts. Thank you all for words of support
Joanne x

 

[Christine33]

Hi all
Than you all so much. I just think last night was a bit low, my SIL (DH sister) made an off hand remark that caught me by surprise. It wasn't something she thought about saying, it was just an off the cuff remark and I think that just stirred old feelings. I will say, no-one in the NP threads have ever made me feel judged and no-one should ever be apologetic for their blinkies, I really like them.

Anyway, my wee one is lying on the couch, napping after her first 'solid' breakfast. She's a happy babe. I know that's what counts. Thank you all for words of support
Joanne x

i know what you mean about comments. i got lots of those with my first born from my DH's side of family. i shed many a silent tear. i cannot stand these smug so and so's who managed to BF instantly and rub it constanlty in your face.

glad your wee one enjoyed her first brekkie. X

 

[babyblog]

Awww hun, i wouldn't worry. You did for a long time in my opinion, i stopped at 3 weeks and i too felt pressure from stupid MW's about it. But now i'm glad i gave up-i see my friend's who still BF, who have never left their babies and never get a break and can't lose weight and i for one am pleased.

Baby got the best at the start and is very healthy indeed. You did your best and should be proud of that x

 

[Nic1107]

I've so been there. I went through all the stages of grief (got a little hostile even in the anger phase) because I was so excited to BF and then ended up with a perfect storm of reasons it didn't happen. The BF milestone blinkies don't cause a pang anymore- I wish I could have one, but hell I wish I could have a mansion by the sea too. I hope to BF my next baby if I have one, but if it doesn't work out I'm not beating myself up again. Sometimes I do have to basically stick my fingers in my ears and sing to block out the things that used to make me feel bad, but I can see how healthy and happy my little one is, and I personally believe there are more important things to focus on, especially in the long run.

Just focus on all the things you are proud of, make yourself a siggy about it (if you want ), and know that you are the perfect mom for your LO, even when things don't go to plan.

 

[Eve]

I've so been there. I went through all the stages of grief (got a little hostile even in the anger phase) because I was so excited to BF and then ended up with a perfect storm of reasons it didn't happen. The BF milestone blinkies don't cause a pang anymore- I wish I could have one, but hell I wish I could have a mansion by the sea too. I hope to BF my next baby if I have one, but if it doesn't work out I'm not beating myself up again. Sometimes I do have to basically stick my fingers in my ears and sing to block out the things that used to make me feel bad, but I can see how healthy and happy my little one is, and I personally believe there are more important things to focus on, especially in the long run.

Just focus on all the things you are proud of, make yourself a siggy about it (if you want ), and know that you are the perfect mom for your LO, even when things don't go to plan.

I agree here

I ff my son and I do wish I would have tried bfing him but I honestly was young and at the time thought it was gross (I can't even say I tried) I am more educated now and so I do wish I would have bf him I was feeling guilty for a while about not bfing him but come to realize I did what I thought was best for us at the time and I can't change it. You are doing a great job, I understand you feeling guilty but you are doing great!

 

[blondeNklutzi]

I totally understand. And until Nic mentioned it never thought about the fact that I basically did go through the stages of grief. I'm still not completely over it, but it's getting better. but I look at my baby and know that he is getting fed with every bit as much love as a bf baby and I know that I gave it my all, but I also realize that the stress he and I were both enduring trying to bf wasn't good for either one of us. I do want to try bfing with my next one, but if it doesn't work out I don't want to beat myself up again.

Having said that, I do get kinda jealous of ladies that bf'ing worked for.

 

[Miss-Boo]

I feel the same.
I made the decision yesterday to formula feed. I spent all day crying.
After the birth of my daughter 11 days ago I lost alot of blood so didn't get to BF straight away like I wanted to and when I tried some hours later she wouldn't take.
I tried my hardest the 4 days we were in hospital and she breastfed a bit here and there but only after ages of screaming and not latching on.
we were eventually getting the hang of it at home but on alot of feeds she wouldn't latch so we both ended up so stressed out.
sometimes she'd feed ok and sometimes I'd have to feed her expressed milk.
When she eventually did feed she'd most of the time throw it all back up.
so now she's on infant gaviscon for reflux, and the easiest way to give it to her is in formula milk.

at the end of the day you need to do what makes you and your baby happy. It was such a tough and heart wrenching decision for me to put my baby onto formula but seeing her happy and well fed makes me happy.
It is hard to see women successfully breastfeeding but it doesn't work for everyone.
aslong as you and baby are happy and healthy thats all that matters.

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

To everyone. I have been affected by this too xx

 

[kpt20]

i'm going through this too!!

But today I jsut said to myself thats it im not feeling guilty about this anymore!! I tried and for a number of reasons it didnt work for us - this week I am still using expressed breast milk mixed with formula but its soon drying up so soon will be just formula. Ive tried - and just cos I will be formula feeding now and not breast feeding doesn't make me any less of a loving mum!!!! I love my children to bits!!!!

 

[Eve]

Lots of positive comments here It's nice Again, you shouldn't feel guilty, even though you probably will for a while, but you shouldn't! I just wanted to say that again You are doing great!