Feeling a bit isolated

[Lillylemon]

I think it's lovely this forum is here so we can all give eachother support. It just helps to know you're not the only one in the situation!

I have a little internal laugh now when I tell people I'd rather try to give birth without pain relief and they look horrified!

 

[littlepne]

I have a little internal laugh now when I tell people I'd rather try to give birth without pain relief and they look horrified!

I've given up telling people! Although I will admit I'm open to gas and air but I really don't want anything else. I've got an open mind and if I need more then fine but the way I see it women have been doing this for tens of thousands of years without anything so I know it can be done! Yes it will hurt but it's not for very long in the grand scheme of things. I did my hospital tour at weekend and every other couple turned their nose up at the idea of water birth! Great, means I've more chance of getting the pool!

It's that idea of, "you can tell you haven't got any children yet you'll feel differently once you've done it" that annoys me.

I also think I'm too stubborn to take any pain relief lol. Thank you ladies for making me feel 'normal'!

 

[bubbles123]

I would like to move on from disposables soon and use terry nappies. I told my aunt this and she said you mustn't do this, they are dirty and can give your baby polio! And she's a midwife!!! You do sometimes feel like your the only one X

 

[aob1013]

Hi Kit

I can see where you are coming from, i'm getting quite used to the fact that i want to practice natural and attachment parenting - i get some very funny looks and remarks. It's upsetting but remember you are doing what is the best for your baby x

 

[colsy]

No-one I know in real life really breastfeeds, BLW, uses cloth, babywears etc and I think they reckon it;s some kind of weird fad

Seriously, you don't know anyone who BF? I am not surprised at all to hear that you don't know other BLW or babywearers, but I am shocked you do not know anyone who BF. However, maybe that's a case of where we come from - apparently where I live we have one of the best maternity care areas in the country, and consequently one of the highest BF rates in the country.

Back to your original question, I think it's brilliant that you're managing to do all these things without any peer support. Go, girl! That's what I say.

 

[littlestar]

I would like to move on from disposables soon and use terry nappies. I told my aunt this and she said you mustn't do this, they are dirty and can give your baby polio! And she's a midwife!!! You do sometimes feel like your the only one X

what a load of bumfluff!
washing detergent kills off anything you might even need to be slightly worried about bacteria wise!

 

[Rachel_C]

It's that idea of, "you can tell you haven't got any children yet you'll feel differently once you've done it" that annoys me.

Well, I do agree with it being annoying when people say that (because it definitely is!) but I actually did change my ideas a lot once I had Leyla. I always wanted to use cloth nappies for environmental reasons but apart from that, I wasn't particularly 'natural' in my approach. I wanted to BF because it's medically what's best, but there were no attachment parenting type thoughts in my head, and I would definitely have said things like "sometimes babies just need to cry" and "babies need to learn to adjust to their parents' routine". Once I held that tiny baby though, all those ideas flew right out of my head. Then I found this section of BnB and everything fell into place. So I did change my ideas quite dramatically but not the way people would have thought!

 

[littlestar]

^^ i had totally the same reactions from people re nappies etc and i haven't gone back on them at all!

 

[Lu28]

No-one I know in real life really breastfeeds, BLW, uses cloth, babywears etc and I think they reckon it;s some kind of weird fad

Seriously, you don't know anyone who BF? I am not surprised at all to hear that you don't know other BLW or babywearers, but I am shocked you do not know anyone who BF. However, maybe that's a case of where we come from - apparently where I live we have one of the best maternity care areas in the country, and consequently one of the highest BF rates in the country.

I knew people who bf for a week or two but that's it, apart from my sister. My sister is literally the only person I know from home (Ireland) who bfs, all my friends were shocked that I was going to and would it not be easier just to bottle feed etc etc etc. So it might well be an area thing and Ireland has a long way to go when it comes to bfing.

Just in the last few days, I realised the 2 ladies I'm most friendly with at baby groups both use cloth and bf their 1 year olds so I guess maybe I do know more and just don't realise!

 

[Kit]

OK, I think I have had just about enough now! I am seriously considering getting a sign for the back of the wrap saying "Bog off, I'm fine, Mum's fine, and by the way, we're not weird".
Two incidents today in the space of about half an hour. We were at Hampton Court with OH and his mum and our friends and their baby - my LO on my back in a wrap, friends' baby in a rucksack carrier on his dad. We went to the cafe to feed the babies and OH and his mum went to the counter. I was leaning forwards unwrapping the sling when suddenly a pair of arms came into my line of vision - I got a fright and stood up (holding onto LO I hasten to add) and found a middle-aged man about to take him off my back. I said "no thankyou" about 5 times before he backed off a bit and he took massive offence and snapped "well it looked like he was going to fall off" before stomping off and glaring at us for the next half-hour. My friend was killing herself laughing before it even happened as she could see him coming and knew I was going to hit the roof! Seriously - did he honestly think I was stupid enough to do that for the first time in the middle of a cafe with no help? And with 2 friends standing watching? And why was he so offended? I should have been offended at the implication that I was both THAT stupid and a bad mother!
So we then got up to leave and an old couple at the next table were smiling and cooing at my friend's baby - they then noticed me and the sling and it was like the room temperature dropped about 10 degrees. Smiles wiped off their faces and replaced by glares and comments. I was closer than I have ever been to asking them to explain to me exactly what their problem was, but I contented myself with saying loudly "Oh look, we're being disapproved of again".
Seriously - I am torn between being highly amused and spitting mad! I know I have been a bit ranty recently but let me say it just one more time. I AM NOT WEIRD!

 

[Kota]

 

[Rebaby]

Urgh that sounds like an annoying day

 

[Lu28]

Oh for god sake, that's just ridiculous

 

[Kit]

Maybe I will start going around grabbing random people in case they fall over! Or maybe I will just start staring at people disapprovingly and shaking my head. Hah! That's what I'll do. I'm going to look at old ladies' handbags and tut and comment! I might even start asking them if their shopping wouldn't be better in a trolley or grabbing their bags and shouting "your pasta is going to fall out!" or "your cheese can't breathe!"
Basically I think I will just start being as annoying as other people are being to me.

 

[Rebaby]

Maybe I will start going around grabbing random people in case they fall over! Or maybe I will just start staring at people disapprovingly and shaking my head. Hah! That's what I'll do. I'm going to look at old ladies' handbags and tut and comment! I might even start asking them if their shopping wouldn't be better in a trolley or grabbing their bags and shouting "your pasta is going to fall out!" or "your cheese can't breathe!"
Basically I think I will just start being as annoying as other people are being to me.

Well, you know what they say: if you can't beat 'em join 'em! PMSL

 

[Lu28]

I had the same thing with my MIL when I put my mei tai on in front of her for the first time. She was busy messing with the straps and trying to put it on me and shooting my DH dirty looks because he wasn't 'helping'! He eventually had to tell her to leave me alone, I didn't need help!

 

[Kota]

@ Kit!

I wish my OH had figured it out that I don't need 'help' with my babyhawk. Everytime I go to to put it on he starts handing me straps and holding the front.. just makes it more awkward!! How does he think I've coped for the last 3months while he's been at work!

 

[jenny82]

No-one I know in real life really breastfeeds, BLW, uses cloth, babywears etc and I think they reckon it;s some kind of weird fad

Seriously, you don't know anyone who BF? I am not surprised at all to hear that you don't know other BLW or babywearers, but I am shocked you do not know anyone who BF. However, maybe that's a case of where we come from - apparently where I live we have one of the best maternity care areas in the country, and consequently one of the highest BF rates in the country.

I knew people who bf for a week or two but that's it, apart from my sister. My sister is literally the only person I know from home (Ireland) who bfs, all my friends were shocked that I was going to and would it not be easier just to bottle feed etc etc etc. So it might well be an area thing and Ireland has a long way to go when it comes to bfing.

Just in the last few days, I realised the 2 ladies I'm most friendly with at baby groups both use cloth and bf their 1 year olds so I guess maybe I do know more and just don't realise!

I'll stick my hand up and say that I only know one person who BF also!

I heard of another girl, but through a friend of a friend. (Honestly, you'd think BF-ing was an urban legend!). I wanted to BF (couldn't, gutted, will try again next time) - my mum was so relieved when I couldn't...nice eh??

 

[Jetters]

but I just feel a bit put out that I am doing some fairly normal things and being treated with a kind of amused tolerance!

Amused tolerance is definitely how i'm treated by my friends and family! I've always been a bit of a hipy in their eyes so nobody is overly surprised that i'm using real nappies or funny about products *eye roll* but i'm definitely standing alone doing so.

 

[Neon]

I was leaning forwards unwrapping the sling when suddenly a pair of arms came into my line of vision - I got a fright and stood up (holding onto LO I hasten to add) and found a middle-aged man about to take him off my back. I said "no thankyou" about 5 times before he backed off a bit and he took massive offence and snapped "well it looked like he was going to fall off" before stomping off and glaring at us for the next half-hour.

Yes - been here - normally with MIL!

Seriously - I am torn between being highly amused and spitting mad! I know I have been a bit ranty recently but let me say it just one more time. I AM NOT WEIRD!

Perhaps they are watching you because it is so unique and different to 'the norm'. You are baby wearing and a proud Mum doing what's natural for your LO! Perhaps when you are looking at them to see if they are looking disapprovingly they are misinterpreting your look as struggling? I think I used to do this but now I smile if people are watching and chat to T making sure that I look like I know what I am doing .
I think once you're feeling more confident you'll start to like people looking.. If you are looking around waiting for criticism you'll get it whereas if you are confident in yourself wrapping as if everyone does then you will start to relax and forget the people around you. When people do watch you might find them asking you all sorts of questions too! Any you can tell them about carrying and some of the benefits of BW! (See here readers who don't haven't read any: Didymos advantages)

If you feel confident in your wrapping then wrap and un-wrap your baby confidently! After all - as long as you have support from people in your life that matter to you and are important to you it really doesn't matter at all what anyone else thinks. It is YOUR baby that YOU decide what to do with !!