Feeling better about today then I expected. EDD (Sorry its long) update page 2

[rachjim98]

Hi everyone,

Well it has finally come around to today (EDD), and my heart isn't feeling how I expected it to.
In November when we got that terrible news that our sweet baby girl was gone. Silly things went through my head like we would never see her eye color (would she have been my first green eyed baby or would she have daddy's brown eyes like my other 2). We will not get to watch her grow, laugh, or experience her life.
We did get to hold her and kiss her and got pictures and footprints. But I walked out of that hospital with empty arms and a broken heart.

These past few months have been hell not only for me but for my entire family. We all lost a part of us not just me.
Last week I was involved in a terrible accident due to me being so upset but walked away. At first I thought it was just more to add to my bad luck. Kick em when their down type of attitude.

Then I had a revelation of sorts, and with some great words from some very wonderful people (you know who you are) my outlook has changed. I am no longer going to abuse myself (mentally)! Take all the blame for this when there was absolutely nothing I could have done to change this from happening. I guess the crash has woke me up in so many words. I could have been very seriously injured and not be here today. That scared me awake And made me do a lot of soul searching. Is this how I want to live the rest of my life?

My heart will always ache for her and I will always wonder what if I did this or I didn't do this. It happened and there is nothing I can do to bring her back. I am very lucky to have been her mommy even if it was only for 6months. I wouldn't give up that for anything.
I feel good about today.. I feel good about how I have made it to the other side of this tunnel of hurt, I have been drowning in for months. I have come out of this a stronger person and a better mother to my older LO's.

Sorry this was so long I just wanted to get this out and hopefully it can help someone else who is still struggling.
Sorry for all of you ladies and your family's for the loss of your baby's

RIP my sweet Rebecca mommy loves you!

 

[natasja32]

I hope some day soon i can be as brave and strong as you have been. Am stuggling loads today,crying all day,have my little precious funeral to go to on wednesday. So am just a bag of tears today....Maybe someday i will feel peace.for you hun....

 

[todteach]

Thinking about you today. xox Sending you love, hugs and support. Take care hun. Rebecca is so lucky to have a Mommy like you.

 

[rachjim98]

I hope some day soon i can be as brave and strong as you have been. Am stuggling loads today,crying all day,have my little precious funeral to go to on wednesday. So am just a bag of tears today....Maybe someday i will feel peace.for you hun....

Thank you, but I think you are the brave one. You are brave just by getting on here and telling people about your little boy and the sadness you feel. That takes a lot of courage to put your feelings out there like that. I am very proud of you.
Again I am so sorry for your loss and all your pain and your family's pain right now. It is hard to be strong for older children when all you wanna do is break into pieces. Take care of yourself you are on my mind

 

[jen1604]

Youre a very brave mummy hon.
Sending you lots of hugs today
x

 

[staceymy]

Sending you lots of hugs. xxx

 

[aurora32]

hunn, you are very brave, my thoughts go out to you and your family on what should be a very special day for you. Rebecca will be watching from the clouds happy and honoured that you are her mummy.

Thinking of you,

 

[Schmelly]

I cried reading your post. You are so brave and I'm so relieved that you're starting to feel a little bit more positively about everything. I may have only known you for a very short time through cyber space, but I'm very proud of you.

There will be set backs along the way, but you're getting there. You're doing an amazing job.

Big hugs for your edd

 

[rachjim98]

I just went out and got my mail and my angel for hope came in the mail today.. I got a angel on my EDD how awesome is that. It is so beautiful and made so well it has truly touched my heart. Today has been a good day so far.

 

[kermie219]

Your post has made me cry...I feel so proud of you and I don't even know you how weird is that? I'm glad you feel better you are a great example for me Thank you and I am very glad that you have found your peace....I hope everyone here is as blessed as you

 

[rachjim98]

Your post has made me cry...I feel so proud of you and I don't even know you how weird is that? I'm glad you feel better you are a great example for me Thank you and I am very glad that you have found your peace....I hope everyone here is as blessed as you

Thanks so much for your kind words, I am very glad my story and the way I have been healing is helping you in your time of grief. Sorry for your loss and you too will get through this in your own time and in your own way

 

[rachjim98]

Here is a couple of pictures of the Angel of Hope I received yesterday on my edd and very much a needed gift on that day(it made me cry when I opened it up). Kinda feel like Rebecca made that happen to help me through the day.

I also wanted to thank all of you who had such wonderful words and hugs for me it helped so much

 

[Chilli]

You made me cry too!!
I also am glad to have known you here and think you are fab.
I'm so glad you survived today and even manged to turn it into something positive.

 

[rachjim98]

My Mom sent me this birthday card and it is so beautiful, wanted to share it! It just said everything I needed it too. I thought maybe it would be inspiration for someone else.


How to make A Beautiful Life reflections for a Daughter on her Birthday

Love yourself.
Make Peace with who you are and where you are at this moment in time.

Listen to your heart. If you cant hear what it's saying in this noisy world, Make time for yourself. Enjoy your own company. Let your mind wander among the stars.

Try, take chances, Make mistakes. Life can be messy and confusing at times but also full of surprises. The next rock in your path might be a stepping-stone.

Be happy! When you don't have what you want, want what you have. MAKE DO.. That's a well-kept secret of contentment.

There aren't any short cuts to tomorrow. YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOUR OWN WAY. To know where your going is only part of it.
You need to know where you have been too. And if you ever get lost, don't worry the people who love you will find you. Count on it.

Life isn't days and years. It's what you do with time and with all the goodness and grace that is inside you. MAKE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE.... The kind of life you Deserve.

Love Mom...

She is so good at picking the right card. I just loved it!!

 

[Schmelly]

That's beautiful, hun. Glad your mum is as fab as mine

ps...I hope you managed to have a happy birthday, in spite of the sadness in your heart

 

[Shelby2007]

Hey rach.. somehow I missed this post. I know that Rebecca sent you that Angel! That gave me chills! Im so glad that things are finally starting to look up for you. Ive been thinking about you.

xx

And your bday was AMAZING.

 

[londongirl19]

am so sorry for your loss. God bless you and your baby in heaven. x