Feeling cheated!!

[ljo1984]

I don't know why but my transfer to hospital is really niggling at me! We transferred due to Mec in waters and was 3-4cm at the time however things moved very quickly and she was born 10mins after getting to hospital and less than half hour of me leaving home!! I'm so gutted that my pool was waiting ready for me but I went with what the mw wanted rather than my heart! I knew the Mec would be more likely be due to her being over 40 week rather than distress and when I got to hospital putting the monitor on she confirmed she was fine instantly!

I had a good birth still and I did love my mw (despite taking me in!) but the more time goes on the more I feel so cheated and upset, trying to imagiane what it would have been like to birth in water in my own home. The more story's I read/videos I see I feel it even more! Nothing ever goes to plan, imogens was totally opposite of everything I wanted so I should be grateful that I got to labour naturally, push my baby out and not be flat on my back with an epidural, and I am so glad my body did it right this time and freya was fit and healthy but I just can't shake this stupid feeling! Wonder what will go wrong next time, bound to be something knowing me! No need for replies just wanted to get it out in writing. Xxxx

 

[bubbles]

I can totally relate to the disappointment you feel and the constant questioning of what it would have been like to actually achieve it. I made some pretty rash decisions after I didn't get mine, like selling my pool! It was just a bit of a kicker seeing it everytime I went into the spare room.
For me it's helped alot to focus on my next birth, educate myself more as well as my husband. It's good to talk these things out too, maybe with a friend or your OH? I'm here if you want a chat too

 

[ljo1984]

I have kept my pool but like you it's currently living in the bedroom boxed up and I have very mixed feelings when I see it, both gutted but then thinking next time. Why do I go along with what people want I should have refused to go in! But then I suppose I was only 3-4cm and now I know how quickly that can change once waters go,I know what I can expect next time and point blank refuse to budge if same happened again. I'm glad this feelings normal then and I'm not going mad lol. I suppose it's sort of a grieving process where I'll eventually accept it and get over it! I hope. Xx

 

[justkitty]

The thing is you didn't and couldn't have known why the mec might have meant. I am planning homebirth and hate the idea of being in hospital but I also know I'd have done the same as you!

 

[Mindy_mini]

Babies don't just pass meconium "just" because they are post date. You had no way of cataprically knowing there were fine and even if they had been fine, it would only have taken a tiny bit of Stimulation during delivery for them to take gasp and take in a lung full of meconium which could have been quite serious. You did the right thing for your baby.

 

[Mervs Mum]

it's really hard because it really depends on the Mw as to how they are about mec. With no other signs of distress, birth looking imminent and the mec being thin ie old or well diluted, then some mws would be happy to stay home if they felt aspiration is unlikely to cause an issue. Some mws (like yours) just prefer to go by the book. They might not have a lot of home birth experience or may have had other experiences that cloud the way they respond to what's in front of them. It human nature.

Why don't you come along to the leeds home birth group and tell your story? It's good to debrief with people who understand and there is usually a Mw there to ask questions etc. people who have transferred in come back and tell their stories too

 

[ljo1984]

She was from the Leeds hb team and was talking with great passion about home birth and natural birth, that's why I really liked her she was on my level so I was gutted when she transferred me, I thought it was cause I was only 3-4 cm but then told paramedics they'd have a birth in the van if they made me walk to the ambulance! She had an incontinence sheet under me (the blue sheets, we call them inco sheets at work don't know proper name ha ha) and oh saved it for me to look and my pj bottoms (lovely ha ha) and there were random few specs of Mec there, I never looked at the time as I was on the sofa but I was expecting quite alot in there so was quite surprised!

I know it's better to be checked out but I've also read alot of hb stories where there was Mec in waters and they transfer after the birth for a check over. She based the fact she wasn't distressed from the hb when monitored at hospital (for all of 2 mins cause her head was out as soon as they managed to get it on!) why could than not be done at home with a Doppler! I'm sure they won't be as precise etc but her hb was fine when she got it when checking me over! My bp was slightly raised as it was done mid contraction while lying on my back (which made the contraction worse!) it was fine when repeated after my water broke. When Freya was born she was given straight to me and I had her a couple hours before weighing her, she was never checked over initially after birth due to Mec, just temp before going to ward and every few hours for 12 hours.
Think I'm just frustrated at how close I was, it's something you plan for so long and get everything ready for it! I feel bad for feeling this way when I've now got a healthy baby it shouldn't matter and it didn't so much at first but it's gradually getting to me more and more. Grrrrr xx

Mervs mum I'm subscribed to the fb page so I'll keep an eye out. X

 

[Mervs Mum]

It's ok to feel cheated and disappointed. Yes you have a healthy baby but YOU matter too. I was at a home birth with a 'high risk' client and her waters were lightly stained. The Mw was happy that baby was happy even though she has to recommend transferring in. It's not easy to advocate for yourself when you're trying to give birth so don't be too hard on yourself. Each birth teaches us more x

 

[ljo1984]

Yeh I'm defonatly going to be more stronger and knowledgeable for next time. Xx

 

[Narie]

If it makes you feel any better I know even though I have wrote on my birth plan that 'if xyz happens I would like to discuss it on the day'. I know I'm more than likely to go with what the midwife recommends even if like you in my heart I don't think it's something to likely be a problem. Plus I know I will have OH with the car seat and hospital bag at the door by the time the midwife has finished the sentence.

I can see myself being upset if I don't manage to get a home birth with this baby but I think when your in throws of labor it must be hard to go against the midwifes advice and the most important thing is that you have a healthy little baby at the end of it.

Hope you get the home birth you want next time around.

 

[midget em]

Why don't you come along to the leeds home birth group and tell your story

I'm starting to consider a home birth myself and also live in Leeds, how do I join this group? I've just searched facebook but didn't find it, is it on there or on here?

Sorry ljo1984 that you're birth didn't go as planned but I'm sure its better to be safe than sorry. If your baby had been in distress and you hadn't gone then it could have been a whole different level of dissapointment. You did the right thing at the time x

 

[ljo1984]

It's calked Leeds homebirth support group. X

 

[Mervs Mum]

Here's the link Midget

https://www.facebook.com/groups/485151625493/

 

[midget em]

Found it Thank you x