feeling consumed

[optimistic13]

Lttc : ((
Feeling totally consumed by ttc after 4 .5years.
Feel like life is about nothing other than having a family.
Feeling totally lost at the thought of never conceiving.
Due to bmi .... feels so out of reach.
Scared of it never happening : ((
Low point : ((
Am I alone or is anyone else feeling this way ??

 

[tulip1975]

I feel like a walking (defective) womb most of the time.

And I feel like my life is on pause.

I've gained 25 pounds in the 3 years we've been TTC - was normal weight but am now halfway between overweight and obese (I'm short).

But some days I feel normal and I have other things to distract me. The sun comes out, I get some Vitamin D on my face, and everything looks beautiful.

You are not alone.

 

[littlered03]

I feel like I shouldn't post, seeing as we have only been TTC for 14 months, but we just got news that my DH has 0% morphology, so I feel like I am about to be going down this journey because IVF is not in the cards for us right now.

I feel very hopeless today. I read all these threads of women who have waited years to have children and it makes me scared for myself but also so sad for these women. It's definitely not something I ever knew was a reality for so many as I dreamed of being a mom as a child.

I am hoping for strength for all the marriages suffering due to infertility. It's not fair! It doesn't make sense!

 

[optimistic13]

I feel like a walking (defective) womb most of the time.

And I feel like my life is on pause.

I've gained 25 pounds in the 3 years we've been TTC - was normal weight but am now halfway between overweight and obese (I'm short).

But some days I feel normal and I have other things to distract me. The sun comes out, I get some Vitamin D on my face, and everything looks beautiful.

You are not alone.

Nice to hear we not alone.
It feels such a lonely place sometimes.
Sorry to hear of your struggles.
Im just struggling to see a light at the end : ((
I've always wanted to be a mum have a family... I just know what amazing parents we would be.
I feel im fighting nature at giving me what I want so desperately.
Months turn into years before you realise it : /
Xxx thanku for words

 

[optimistic13]

Ps I totally understand weight issues its such a tough battle.
My bmi was 40 im now 31 have to be 29.9 before ivf.
I have PCOS makes weight loss tough weight gain very easy : ((

 

[optimistic13]

I feel like I shouldn't post, seeing as we have only been TTC for 14 months, but we just got news that my DH has 0% morphology, so I feel like I am about to be going down this journey because IVF is not in the cards for us right now.

I feel very hopeless today. I read all these threads of women who have waited years to have children and it makes me scared for myself but also so sad for these women. It's definitely not something I ever knew was a reality for so many as I dreamed of being a mom as a child.

I am hoping for strength for all the marriages suffering due to infertility. It's not fair! It doesn't make sense!

Hi im so sorry for your news.
It's really tough what life can throw at us.
We don't know what we face : ((
Infertility is one of the toughest journeys ive ever been through.
Apart from my pcos I have really unexplained infertility : ((
Are all your test results ok ?
Has your fertility dr given you options?
Give yourselves time to take on board the news.
Need time to absorb.
I just really feel for all on here going through tough times of ttc.
I wish there was a magic wand.
Wether your new at ttc or Lttc its so hard, it doesn't get easier.
Although I feel down I can't accept it never happening a glimmer of hope always shines through at maybe next month : )) xx

 

[JJKCB]

im the opposite, im underweight (although I gained 2 stone since pregnancy but lost 1 again) before DS I was medically classified as anorexic at 5'8" and 7 stone which is a BMI of 14.9 (despite the fact I eat lots including fatty carb things like pizza and huge mountains of pasta) I was told many time at my lower weight that I could NOT get pregnant and if I did it would be impossible to carry and would end in MC but I surprisingly got pregnant out of the blue so it can happen naturally and my son was born early due to non weight related complication but was perfectly healthy

now that im healthier I cant seem to get pregnant at all, ive randomly lost a stone since starting trying though so my BMI dropped from the minimum healthy weight of 19 to back to underweight 17

 

[littlered03]

I feel like I shouldn't post, seeing as we have only been TTC for 14 months, but we just got news that my DH has 0% morphology, so I feel like I am about to be going down this journey because IVF is not in the cards for us right now.

I feel very hopeless today. I read all these threads of women who have waited years to have children and it makes me scared for myself but also so sad for these women. It's definitely not something I ever knew was a reality for so many as I dreamed of being a mom as a child.

I am hoping for strength for all the marriages suffering due to infertility. It's not fair! It doesn't make sense!

Hi im so sorry for your news.
It's really tough what life can throw at us.
We don't know what we face : ((
Infertility is one of the toughest journeys ive ever been through.
Apart from my pcos I have really unexplained infertility : ((
Are all your test results ok ?
Has your fertility dr given you options?
Give yourselves time to take on board the news.
Need time to absorb.
I just really feel for all on here going through tough times of ttc.
I wish there was a magic wand.
Wether your new at ttc or Lttc its so hard, it doesn't get easier.
Although I feel down I can't accept it never happening a glimmer of hope always shines through at maybe next month : )) xx

Thank you for understanding. It really is hard at any stage, but my heart aches for everyone who has waited years. It must be really difficult for it to be unexplained. I don't know what I would do.

Everything is very fresh at this point. These are all the answers we currently have. I'm waiting for my next cycle to start any day now so I can get all my tests done. I could very well have my own issues, and it is likely (I have a feeling I have progesterone issues and the doctor is suspicious as well).

At this point, the doctor said to go with IUI but I really don't see the point if 100% of the sperm are deformed. I am hoping to get more information on what exactly is wrong with them. I just talked with a nurse today who gave me the test results and I was not prepared with questions because I was not expecting to get that news.

I'll be better prepared next time!

I think remaining hopeful is hard but important! Life goes on and we have to learn to find joy despite the hardships.

 

[Myshelsong]

you are not alone
we are not alone
i only hope i make it through without becoming overly bitter
i am trying to teach myself not to get physically upset at diaper commercials, or cry during movies where someone gives birth or even mentions babies, but it is almost hopeless ... all i can do is hold onto the hope and know that I am Not Alone.

Big hugs sister

 

[tulip1975]

Right now, I am trying to remember that January and February are probably the most depressing months of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. The daylight hours are still too short, and there are no holiday lights to compensate.

 

[Emmi]

Not much more to add - but no you are not alone. Am with all you Ladies - I live, work and dream and conceiving and why it evades me. It's a really hard journey and the only people that understand are the ones that are also gong through it. I am 43 with a recent failed IVF behind me.....It hurts so badly and I panic that it will never happen.

And yep - these winter months don't help when you are feeling blue.

Big hugs to everyone.

xxx

 

[DESPONDENT]

hi lovely ladies....
i'd love to join...also feeling so lost right now, hate how this has consumed my life. Been TTC for just over 3 years now, never had bfp.
had our 6th IUI last month and AF arrived today...so now also struggling to see any hope.
Just so tired of being unhappy for the last 3 years, become a bitter nasty person which is so not me
Dh will be calling FS this morning to determine next step which I suspect will be IVF...

 

[optimistic13]

Hi everyone .... its so nice to know your not alone when times are tough.
I just had to breath for a few days felt I was cracking ... so distraught, real tough few weeks of coping with it all ... I guess it reaches boiling point for all ..
I hope everyone is ok thank you for all support..
love to you all : ))))) x x x x

 

[optimistic13]

I feel blessed to have support on here ... my friends of many years just don't understand as they have children and no probs conceiving...
my friend couldn't understand my sadness : (((

 

[summerlovin21]

I know how you feel.. I've been ttc for the same amount of time..

 

[mod19]

I think we all feel hopeless at times. I actually like to use the word defeated myself. Seems like the most appropriate word to describe what im feeling. If my hsg proves blocked tubes next month my dr wants to start talking ivf right away since unblocking them may be impossible due to my history with tubal surgeries...bummer

 

[babycometome]

Hi optimistic13, god, youre not alone hun. Im feeling exactly the same right now, in fact for the past couple of weeks. I just cant shake this numbness alternating with sheer panic. At one point i started hyperventilating and having panic attacks. i never thought it would come to this...none of us did, did we? do you guys remember starting off this journey to become a mother with excitement and joy? i dont know where it went...down a hole with my faith i guess. i see youve been trying for 4 and half years...i cant imagine and yet i can. we have been trying for just over two now and i have the same issue, bmi too high and im doing all i can to bring it down. obgyn says my progesterone is low but im on clomid and its back up to normal...everything else is fine with DH and I. i feel like life is about reproducing now- and thats it. i cant - i just feel so hopeless and alone. do you ladies ever feel that way? that even though i know youre all out there battling your own struggles with infertility, I still feel completely alone in this. i'll be shopping in tescos and for a moment i'll wonder how many women are hurting as much as i am right now seeing all these prams and walking past the baby isle. am i the only one here going through this heart break? i cant look at babies without my chest cracking. i cant watch the nappy and baby milk powder adverts without my chest tightening and the tears flowing. im so tired you guys. my heart is so tired of aching and cracking...when will it be my turn? our turn? DH is so supportive but much more positive. i dont know how he does it to be honest. sometimes im ashamed to say his positivity just wants to make me scream at him. how can he be so positive when its just not happening?! what if it never happens? will a woman who knows she is meant to be a mother ever be happy without it? ive TRIED to convince myself but i just cant. i want my beautiful baby- this perfect baby that i am already hopelessly in love with- in my tummy. it hurts. it hurts so bad. you all know. youre the only people who know what it feels like to be in tears typing these words. hurt is an understatement. i feel like im grieving it hurts that bad. is that a bad thing to say? i dont know...i just know the word 'hurting' is wholly insufficient for what im feeling. and i cant bear the numbness either because im no longer myself when im in that place...it only highlights how far away i have drifted from ME. from the once happy excited me. i wish i could get that back. wouldnt you too? be able to feel excited again about getting pregnant instead of scared and doubtful and in pain. instead of the creeping bitterness that takes over you. i find myself looking at babies and smiling that smile that is about to break into tears because they are so beautiful and near but so infinitely far away. what it must feel like to hold your newborn. their scent. their skin. the soft feathery hair on their head. you must have imagined it right? the small but infinitely precious warmth snuggled against your chest, the being more precious than the heart beating in your chest. i wonder what his or her eyes would look like looking up at me. the tiny fingers and fingernails clasping onto my finger. that bond i feel in my soul before ive even conceived this child. is it just me who imagines these things or do we all do it? am i insane?...
sometimes i find myself saying quietly in my head to this baby that isnt even conceived yet 'i love you' 'i miss you'. how can i miss someone ive never even met? what is that? a mothers instinct? crazy? am i the only one?
i feel your pain. i understand what its like to all of you reading this. im so deeply sorry you have to go through this pain. its not fair. not when you see what kind of animals are out there bringing babies into the world. some are worse than animals. i feel so left out of life. its lonely. it feels empty. just like me.
i pray to whatever force of good that exists that will listen, i pray that you all get to be mummies and get to bring that perfect new life into this world from your bellies. i always knew i wanted to be a mum- that i was meant to be. but not until this hardship have i realised how much i am meant to be a mum and how far i will go to give birth to my baby. i dont mean it egotistically...i just mean im already so in love with this child, i would do anything for him or her right this minute. i dont doubt any of you reading this feels much different. thank you all for just being there to read this. i appreciate the hardships you are going through and wish nothing more but for you to give birth to your child/children one day. its true what they say, infertility and the hell that goes with it is no longer about just conceiving- its about giving birth to a healthy baby.
lots of love to you all xxxx

 

[Miss_Kate]

I know the feeling, we are approaching the 3 year mark of TTC #1. I never once in my life thought it would take this long, and no one understands the pain I feel at seeing the stupid nasty witch show up right on schedule every month.